Appreciating the Unseen: Rekindling Gratitude

by | Jan 20, 2025 | Gratitude, Simple Ideas, Words of Affirmation

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When did you last thank your wife for doing something that’s “her job”?

Woman Doing Laundry Reaching Inside Washing Machine

It’s easy to stop being aware of things she does if she does them well. Out of sight, out of mind, as they say.

Take a moment to think about the things she does so reliably you’ve stopped thinking about them. Then express some gratitude.

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Crafting a Heartfelt Love Letter Gift

by | Dec 15, 2023 | Audio, Do It For Her, Friday Flashback, Gifts, Words of Affirmation, ZIMAGE

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A well-written love letter is a great gift for any wife, and especially good if her love language is Words of Affirmation.

Husband putting a love note into a bottle.

While the words you write are the most important thing, presentation can make it a far better gift. This will take a trip to a hobby or craft store, but she’s worth, it, right? Start with your paper. You can find paper that looks like parchment, or multi-toned paper. Then you need a bottle to put the note in. A coloured bottle is nice, if you can find it, and the fancier, the better. I once found a red heart shaped bottle. If you can’t find a tall enough bottle, trim your paper down to fit.

Unless you have great penmanship, consider printing your missive. Go online to find a fancy font, and consider something other than black ink. Add emojis to punch it up a bit. Roll it up, tie with a bit of ribbon or coloured yarn, slip it in the bottle, and you have a gift that will make her girlfriends envious. 

As to the words, give it a lot of time and effort. Write and rewrite, don’t just bang something out Christmas Eve. You’re trying to put your heart on paper here!

[This post first appeared Dec 7, 2012.]

One of the many:

I don’t know about you, but my email is awash in folks doing year-end donation drives. Most of them are ministries we have supported before, and many we continue to support. I never give as much as I would like, but I know what I can give makes a difference. 

And of course, you can make a difference to us!

2023 Year End

You can be a part of us helping marriages by supporting us with your prayers and finances. Thanks, Paul & Lori

Give with a Credit Card or PayPal:

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Print out our donation form and mail it with your check or money order. Make checks payable to The Marriage Bed. Or skip the form and put “Paul & Lori” in the memo.

Mail to:

Paul & Lori
c/o The Marriage Bed, Inc.
4641 Lyons Hill Road
Springdale, WA 99173

US donations are tax-deductible

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Embracing Your Wife’s Christmas Decorating Desires

by | Dec 11, 2023 | Audio, Do It For Her, Words of Affirmation, ZIMAGE

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Most women want to decorate for Christmas. Maybe a little, maybe a great deal. I did a bit of Googling and found various opinions about women needing to decorate their home, or feeling empowered by doing it. Some suggested it was her way of claiming a home, or of making it her home. Whatever the reason, it’s a common thing.

Men, in general, are less about decorating. With plenty of exceptions; my father was all about Christmas decorating – every room, every hall, and of course outside.

Living room with a lot of Christmas decorations.

If you’d be fine with a tree and your wife wants far more, or you really don’t care, and she really does, please see this as an opportunity to love and bless your wife. Encourage her desire, and help as requested. Tell her it looks great, and brag on her efforts in front of others.

I also encourage you to join in. Hang mistletoe over your pillows. Or over the centre of the bed, as you see fit!

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Express Love to Your Wife Early and Often

by | Jun 26, 2023 | Aff Link, Communication, Simple Ideas, Words of Affirmation, ZIMAGE

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Years ago, I heard a joke about a gruff farmer and his wife who have been married for decades. The wife was crying softly when she thought he was asleep. The farmer asks her what’s wrong. She replies, “I’m not sure that you still love me.” The farmer takes her hand and says, “Dear, I told you I loved you the day we married. If that ever changes, I’ll let you know.”

American Gothic painting

We laugh because some men are like that. Women married to such men often figure out that is just who they are and make the best of it, but it’s not what they want or need. Most women need to hear “I love you” often, and some need to hear it multiple times a day. I’ve never heard of a wife complaining her husband says it too much, so don’t hold back!

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Little Love Notes

by | Mar 27, 2023 | Audio, Her Needs, Links to good stuff, Romance, Simple Ideas, Words of Affirmation, ZIMAGE

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Love letters are great, but it’s not like you can or should do them all the time. But little notes of love you can do daily, if you choose.

Post-it love note on table between coffee and Bible

Post-it notes are great for this, and the heart shaped one are especially good. Write a few words, put it where your wife will see it, and repeat regularly.

A post worth reading:

Dr. Corey Carlisle | Be unshakeable ◄ How well do you manage your emotions? 

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A Day To Speak Your Love

by | Feb 14, 2023 | Audio, Communication, Links to good stuff, Words of Affirmation, ZIMAGE

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Whatever else you do for Valentine’s today, please take a moment to verbally express your love for your wife. Tell her you love her, and tell her the wonderful things she does. Think about what to say, and rehearse if necessary.

Loving couple talking in bed

Doing this while looking deep into her eyes is great if you can do that. But in the dark as you snuggle her to sleep is good too.

A post worth reading:

The Hero Husband Project | 5 Ways to Slay It on Valentine’s Day ◄ Based on the five love languages. 

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Motivating Your Wife

by | Feb 7, 2023 | Audio, Communication, Words of Affirmation, XY link, YOU4HER, ZIMAGE

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Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. ~ Hebrews 10:24 NLT

According to the author of Hebrews, we can motivate others to love and good works. Would you like to motivate your wife to such things?

Motivating someone can be a tricky thing. Motivating with fear is generally a bad idea, and it’s a horrible idea in marriage. Trying to motivate by withholding things is also a path to failure. You may get what you want short term with these tactics, but you’re driving the other person away in the process, and that’s going to end badly for you.

Being able to motivate someone requires understanding who they are, how they’ve been battered by life, and what they want.

Keyboard with pink button that says "motivate".

A lot of women have abuse of some sort in their past. They’ve been hurt physically and/or emotionally, and that has left scars. If you do anything that looks even remotely like the abuse they’ve suffered, that’s going to make things worse. On the other hand, if you offer her respect, protection, and genuine encouragement, you look nothing like her abuser, and that’s good for both of you.

One good way to motivate is to express your belief that she can do whatever it is. The actual phrase “You got this” may or may not be right, but that’s the attitude you want to have.

Think about what you do to try to motivate your wife. If she did those things to you, would it motivate you in a positive way? If not, why do you think those things would motivate her? OTOH, if you think it would motivate you, ask yourself if that’s because you’re a guy or because of some aspect of your personality that differs from how your wife is. “I double dog dare you” or “I don’t think you can do it” may motivate your guy friends, but it’s far less likely to motivate your wife.

Finally, if you want to motivate her to do something for you, be clear and honest. Don’t just tell her what you want from her, help her understand why you want it and what it would mean to you for her to do it.

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A Great Gift That Only Costs You Time

by | Dec 21, 2022 | Audio, Words of Affirmation, YOU4HER, ZIMAGE

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Last night Lori and I went to a service appreciation dinner for folks who volunteer at church. Various leaders were given a few minutes to spotlight and thank a few of those who work with them. There were a lot of happy tears and smiles, and we were all encouraged. 

Why not do this for your wife? Most women can’t get enough heartfelt expressions of love and appreciation from their husbands. A great way to do this is to write a love letter. This gives you the chance to get it just right and it allows her to read it repeatedly.

Envelope addresed to the best gift I ever recived.

A love letter isn’t about what you hope for in the future or things you want her to do or change. A love letter is about her, how you love her, and why. It tells her she is wonderful and shows her why that is so. It’s a mirror for her best self, letting her see things about herself she downplays or doesn’t see at all. It tells her how much you enjoy being with her and how you look forward to many more years with her. A love letter might mention how great she is in bed, but only if sex isn’t a problem area for the two of you. 

You have a few days till Christmas, so get with it. Make some notes first, over the course of a day. Organise the notes and do a rough draft. It should be a single page, two at the most, and not in microscopic print. Go over it several times, letting it stew in your mind between edits. When you have it just the way you want it, print it out on nice paper using a special font. Or do it by hand if you have legible handwriting. Leave it on her pillow or tuck it somewhere she will find it. Be sure she’ll have time to read it when she finds it.

Donation Update: I mentioned yesterday the donation widget was not working in emails. I then found a lot of you found the link at the bottom Many thanks! I have not yet had time to sort all this out, so I know we are further than I thought but I don’t know exactly where we are. I do know we still have a way to go.

Go here to give by credit card, or put “Paul & Lori” in the memo of your check and mail to:

Paul & Lori
c/o The Marriage Bed, Inc.
4641 Lyons Hill Road
Springdale, WA 99173

US donations are tax-deductible

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