Beyond Average: God’s Plan for Your Marriage

by | Feb 13, 2025 | Change, Good Marriage

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Some folks worry about what’s average, and if they measure up.

Here’s the thing: the average person is overweight and not getting nearly enough exercise. The average Christian is falling short of what Jesus called us to do. The average number of lifetime sexual partners in the US is 10.7. And the average couple is deep in debt, too busy, too stressed, and has a forty percent chance of ending up divorced.

Most of what is average is unhealthy, wrong, and possibly sin. If nothing else, average is setting the bar way, way too low.

Coffee cup that says “Embracing Mediocrity”

God calls us to be in the world, but not of it. What the world sees as average, acceptable, or even good is irrelevant. God calls us to way more. If your marriage isn’t great or moving that way, it’s not what God wants for you. I say that to challenge you, not shame you. An “okay marriage” is not okay with God.

If your marriage isn’t what it should be, what are you going to do about it? Are you willing to put in the effort to be kinder, more generous, and to give more grace? Are you ready to forgive and move on? Are you ready to seek help? We tend to think of getting help as something we do when it’s horrible. The reality is, improving is way easier than fixing.

Don’t be average, be extraordinary!

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Lessons from Coaching: The Power of Good Will in Marriage

by | Feb 4, 2025 | Get Help, Good Marriage

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As Lori and I have been doing coaching, the importance of being good-willed has been driven home to me. If both spouses are good-willed, the couple will almost certainly move towards a better marriage with just a bit of help. If either one is not good-willed, the chances of success are very low.

Hands of a wife offering a heart shape to her husband.

Merriam-Webster defines good-willed as a kindly feeling of approval and support. I’d add it means giving the benefit of the doubt. If that’s not the default for both spouses, change will be slow and difficult.

If your marriage has real issues, both of you being good-willed probably won’t solve them. But it’s a necessary condition for real healing and change.

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Holistic Marriage: A Wider Focus is Better

by | Jan 30, 2025 | Good Marriage, Seeing Clearly

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As I’ve been thinking about the next iteration of marriage blogging, which will start March 1st, I realised my approach to marriage has become very holistic.

When Lori and I coach a couple, we ask about things well beyond the issue they bring to the table. This is especially true when the presented issue is sexual. Every part of your marriage is impacted by every other part. Your marriage is also effected by your job, other relationships, how much sleep you get, and on and on.

Balance scales with golden wedding rings.

When we have a problem, we focus on the problem, and what we think is causing it. Even if we have the primary cause right, which is often not the case, there are other factors effecting the situation.

Sometimes the solution has nothing to do with the actual issue. Being tired or too busy are examples of this. Other times, the real solution can’t be implemented until something else changes.

I encourage you to adopt a more holistic view of your marriage. It can only make things better.

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40 Years Strong: How God Defied the Odds in Our Marriage

by | Jan 27, 2025 | Good Marriage

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Today, Lori and I celebrate forty years of marriage. Her comment to me about this yesterday was, “And they said it wouldn’t last”. And I suspect there were more than a few who thought if not said that. 

Honestly, there was good reason to think that way. She was too recently divorced from a bad marriage. I was unprepared to be the step-father of a six-year-old. And while I did have a decent job, the income was not great for a family of three. Then there were the problems we each had that we’d not dealt with. Including some we didn’t even know we had.

Ruby anniversary cake

The first two years were rough, to put it kindly. We had a lot of problems, and couldn’t find the help we needed from our church. But we had one thing going for us: God. We were both serious about following Jesus, and we knew He would have us deal with our stuff and grow into a great marriage. With His grace and help, that is exactly what happened.

What God did for us, He can and will do for you. Man said our marriage was doomed. God said it was not. 

God was right.

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Nurturing a Thriving Marriage in a Lukewarm World

by | Jan 14, 2025 | Good Marriage, Grass-roots Movement

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You can’t talk life goals around people who don’t have the same hunger as you, it’ll just sound like you are bragging. ~ Aubrey Drake

Someone posted that on Quora, and I thought, yes, exactly.

I’ve run into this more than once when Lori and I were discussing our relationship or the growth we wanted in our marriage. We’ve been told we care too much about our marriage, and that we love each other too much! Yes, really.

Husband and wife kissing in a park, with the word FEVER over them.

The reality is, the average temperate of marriages is so low, folks with a normal temperature are accused of having a raging fever.

I’m not suggesting you stop “bragging” about your marriage. Others need the nudge. Just smile when you’re accused of having a fever.

Beyond that, be aware that being surrounded by folks with lower temperature marriages can cause you to slack off. Peer pressure pulls us towards the norm, even when the norm is in the wrong direction. Don’t let others convince you that it’s you who has the problem!

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Share a Devotional: Grow Closer to God and Each Other

by | Jan 3, 2025 | Faith walk, Good Marriage, Sharing Life

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I should have posted this before the end of the year, but I got sick and was not running on all cylinders.

A daily devotional is a great thing for your spiritual life. And doing it with your wife is a great thing for your marriage.

New Morning Mercies & Live in Grace, Walk in Love

Lori and listen to an audio version of a devotional before we get out of bed each morning. Last year we did Live in Grace, Walk in Love by Bob Goff. This year we are doing New Morning Mercies by Paul David Tripp. I highly recommend both. The Goff one is not a theologically heavy, but it’s still rock solid and will make you think.

Grab one of these, or something else, and catch up this weekend.

New Morning Mercies: A Daily Gospel by Paul David Tripp Kindle | Hardcover | Audio
Live in Grace, Walk in Love: A 365-Day Journey by Bob Goff Kindle | Hardcover | Audio

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Transform Your Marriage in 2025

by | Dec 31, 2024 | ~ list info, Generosity, Good Marriage, GRACE

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Would you like a better marriage in 2025? 

If you keep doing what you’ve been doing, you can expect more of the same. While there is no guarantee doing things differently will make your marriage better, not doing things differently guarantees it won’t get better.

Happy couple hugging on couch.

You can greatly improve the odds of things getting better by making smart changes. More kindness, grace, and generosity are a solid plan. Watching the tone of your voice and those not quite unheard comments is a smart move. Doing more of what you know she wants and likes, and less what you know she dislikes, can only help.

I know she has her issues. But being nicer will affect her. I know you think she won’t ever change, but everyone changes.

There are times when you have to take a stand. But if you’re loving and generous in general, taking a stand isn’t more of the same. And that improves the odds she will listen to you.

Praying 2025 is an awesome year for your marriage!

If you want a 2024 tax credit for a donation, it needs to be made before midnight your time.

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Healing Your Marriage: Resolving Conflicts Before the New Year

by | Dec 30, 2024 | Be a grownup, Faith walk, Good Marriage

Before you ring out the old year and ring in the new year, is there any offence from 2024 you need to deal with? This is true across the board, but my focus is on your marriage.

2025 New Year Abstract shiny color gold wave design element

I’m not talking about who’s at fault here, because really that’s not the issue. Romans 12:18 tells us:

If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. ~ ESV

I take this to mean God expects us to make an effort, even if we’re not the one who has done wrong. If there are hard feelings, you need to try to resolve them. If there’s unforgiveness, you need to offer forgiveness or ask to be forgiven. If something has become a land mine you both avoid, it’s time to deal with it.

If marriage baggage from this year goes into the New Year, let it be because you tried to work it out, but your wife refused. Only then can you be free of responsibility and right before God. 

Still working on our year-end donations. Use the links below, or click here.

2024 Year End
48% of 15,000 raised as of 12/12

Help us meet our goal! Be a part of helping marriages by supporting us with your prayers and finances.
Thanks, Paul & Lori

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Print out our donation form and mail it with your check or money order. Make checks payable to The Marriage Bed. Or skip the form and put “Paul & Lori” in the memo.


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Paul & Lori
c/o The Marriage Bed, Inc.
4641 Lyons Hill Road
Springdale, WA 99173

 

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[This post first appeared Dec 30, 2012.]

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