A Gift She Really Wants

Would you like to give your wife a gift she really wants? A gift she will cherish for years to come? How about making a permanent change you know she wants? It might be no longer doing or saying something she dislikes. Or it could be starting to do something she has indicated she’d like you to do.

A gift tag that reads "How would you like me to change?"

I know changes like this aren’t easy. The question you have to ask yourself is if you think she’s worth it. If she is, do whatever it takes to make the change, and to stick to it.

If you have a good idea what change she would like, I think the best option is to do it without saying anything. Let her figure it out; let her ask you about it when she sees the results.

If you have no idea what she would like you to change, you could ask her. If you think that would end badly, the list below is from answers 174 women gave when asked what one change they would like their husband to give them as a Christmas gift.

  • Help out: Preferably without being asked. If you’re not sure, ask what you can do. Oh, and please pick up after yourself!
  • Communication: She would like your attention when she is talking with you. Better communication skills and less harshness were also requested by a number of women.
  • Anger and lack of patience were mentioned by a number of respondents. 
  • Plenty of wives want more time with hubby, and the majority of them complained about the amount of time he spent on video games, television, and the Internet. Don’t get so into your technology you ignore your wife!
  • Some were concerned about hubby and the kids. A few wanted more help, but most were more concerned about him spending time with the children. Several mentioned wanting him to be a better example and spiritual leader.
  • Integrity was mentioned by a number of women. A couple specifically mentioned lying, but most said they want him to “do what he says he will” and “finish what he starts”.
  • Health issues: Weight, smoking, exercise, drinking, and drugs were all concerns.
  • Sex. Yes, some want better sex. A couple want more, but the bigger issue is showing desire for HER rather than for sex.
  • Also, when you do have sex, be sure to give her pleasure.
  • Personal hygiene: Brush, floss, and showering regularly would be appreciated by a number of the ladies.
  • Stop lusting after other women. Yup, they see you doing it.

[This post first appeared Dec 11, 2012.]

Closing in on a third of our year-end donation goal. Can you help?

2024 Year End
28% of 15,000 raised as of 12/20

Help us meet our goal! Be a part of helping marriages by supporting us with your prayers and finances.
Thanks, Paul & Lori

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Print out our donation form and mail it with your check or money order. Make checks payable to The Marriage Bed. Or skip the form and put “Paul & Lori” in the memo.


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Paul & Lori
c/o The Marriage Bed, Inc.
4641 Lyons Hill Road
Springdale, WA 99173

 

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The Art of Thoughtful Gifting: Creative Gift Coupons

The best gifts are things that can’t be delivered in a nicely wrapped box. This is where gift certificates come in. That link goes to certificates over on the TMB site that you can personalise and print.

Give coupons

If you know she would like more date nights, give her coupons for that. Specify you need a few days advanced notice. Do the same with other things you know she wants.

But go beyond that.

If you’re not getting laundry in the basket or not taking out the trash is an ongoing issue, give her a laminated certificate good all year for that. Then honour it quickly every time she flashes it. This is really a tool for change. After a while you will know she will flash it, and that will help you avoid getting to the place where she needs to.

You can also give her some grace certificates. A sort of get out of jail free card for something she does that bothers you. And again, this really a tool for change. This time, it will make her think.

If you have the higher sex drive, a few “Get out of sex-free” coupons might be a good idea. You could also give her some “Sex your way” certificates. You might learn something. What’s more, she might on occasion give you one of those coupons instead of saying no. And again, this will make her think.

Include some wild cards, good for pretty much anything reasonable. Also, do some “again” coupons that let her repeat something she has already used up. These will help you see what she really wants.

Still looking for donations. If what Lori and I do blesses you, please consider tossing a few dollars our way. THANKS!

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FF: Her Perspective on Christmas Lingerie

We did a little poll on Facebook asking wives if they wanted lingerie for Christmas.

Red panties with a Merry Christmas heart-shaped tag.

Just under half said yes, some was nice, while only 8% said the more, the better. A full quarter said it was okay, but they saw it as a gift for him, not for them. Seventeen percent would rather have a gift certificate so they can pick out what they would like. About ten percent said what he buys is uncomfortable, doesn’t fit, or makes them feel like a thing rather than a person.

Before you decide this poll says most wives would be okay with some Christmas lingerie, please realise the poll audience is a decidedly pro-sex group of Christian women. In a group more representative of women as a whole, I would expect to see more of the negative answers.

Part of the issue is women as a whole tend to feel more defined by their clothes than men do. What she chooses to wear is an expression of how she sees herself, and what you buy her is thus an expression of how you see her. You buy her something because you think she’s sexy, but it may communicate something different and negative to her.

So be careful here. If in doubt, don’t buy lingerie. If you think it is okay, err on the side of too little and not as sexy as you think she can handle. If you want to get something, but have no clue how to shop for it, check out my Buying lingerie without dying of embarrassment article.

[This post first appeared Dec 8, 2012.]

2024 Year End
11% of 15,000 raised as of 12/12

Help us meet our goal! Be a part of helping marriages by supporting us with your prayers and finances.
Thanks, Paul & Lori

Donate with Check or BillPay


Print out our donation form and mail it with your check or money order. Make checks payable to The Marriage Bed. Or skip the form and put “Paul & Lori” in the memo.


Mail to:

 

Paul & Lori
c/o The Marriage Bed, Inc.
4641 Lyons Hill Road
Springdale, WA 99173

 

US donations are tax-deductible

Image Credit: © nito | stock.adobe.com
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We’re donation supported Thanks for your help!
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FF: 3 Gifts a Month

Gifts: It’s supposed to be the thought that count. But is it?

A husband giving is wife a gift.

For most of us, it is. A gift says, “I was thinking of you” and a gift that has special meaning or relevance says, “I know you well”. These are things you want to communicate to your wife, and regular small gifts do that well. I say small as in “it’s not the cost, it’s the thought”. Aim for three gifts a month, which might mean four one month and two the next. If the gifts are small and inexpensive, most months will cost you little more than a trip to St. Arbucks.

Some ideas to get you started

  • Flowers: Yes, the classic. And for good reason. Do a flower or flowers once a month.
  • A card: A real paper-in-an-envelope card. Write something nice, and it is very much a gift.
  • Coupons: This is the perfect gift for an acts of service gal, or to gift your time. The Marriage Bed has some nice print your own coupons.
  • Collectables: Preferably something she has already collects. This could be a specific item, such as a brand of figurine, or anything with a certain symbol or animal on it.
  • Candy nuts, or whatever: If she is not on a diet!
  • Anything given to disappearing at your house: Pens, scissors, AA batteries…
  • Bookmarks: If she’s a reader.
  • Pampering items: Such as bubble bath, hand lotion, scented soaps…

Wrap your gifts, or not. Leave them out, or hide them where she will come across them.

Is three gifts a month a lot? Maybe, but the process of thinking about it, and trying to come up with better and better ideas, will help you know her better, and tell her you are getting to know her better. It is a win/win!

[This post first appeared Oct 3, 2012.]

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Flowers: The Scientifically Proven Way to Make Her Smile

Oh my! So it’s been over six months since I suggested you give your favourite lady some flowers.

If you’re thinking your wife’s not really into flowers, you’re almost certainly wrong.

A woman receiving flowers and showing a Duchenne smile.

  • Two thirds of women have bought flowers for themselves.
  • A study delivered one of three gifts to 147 woman in New Jersey. They were looking for Duchenne smiles, a smile that is a genuine indicator of happiness. Every singe woman who received flowers showed such a smile. A basket of candy got that smile from 90% of the women, and a candle only got a 77% Duchenne smile rate.
  • A large survey found that 96% of women like to receive flowers when they’re not expecting them.

So just do it, dude!

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Hand Bells for a Better Marriage

Amazon has hand bells with the words “Ring for a Hug” or “Ring for a Kiss” on them. 

Bells that read "Ring for a Kiss" and "Ring for a Hug"

So what are you waiting for?

 

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Brighten Your Home And Marriage

Most of us are deep into winter. Make your home a bit brighter by getting some candles, real or battery, or some twinkle lights.

Woman and cat on couch, with twinkle lights in the background.

Putting these in the bedroom might be seen as particularly romantic.

Image Credit: © olezzo | stock.adobe.com
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Romantic Mugs for Coffee and Tea Loving Wives

If your wife drinks coffee or tea, mugs are a great gift. Keep your eyes out for one she would especially like, or search online for something specific. Do be aware of what size mug she likes, and get something similar.

Mug that reads "KEEP CALM and Hug Your Sweetie!"

Remember, little gifts for no reason are always a good idea.

The pictured mug, and a couple of other romantic mugs, can be found here.

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