FF: 3 Gifts a Month

by | Nov 29, 2024 | Acts of Service, Encouragement, Friday Flashback, Gifts, Understanding Her

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Gifts: It’s supposed to be the thought that count. But is it?

A husband giving is wife a gift.

For most of us, it is. A gift says, “I was thinking of you” and a gift that has special meaning or relevance says, “I know you well”. These are things you want to communicate to your wife, and regular small gifts do that well. I say small as in “it’s not the cost, it’s the thought”. Aim for three gifts a month, which might mean four one month and two the next. If the gifts are small and inexpensive, most months will cost you little more than a trip to St. Arbucks.

Some ideas to get you started

  • Flowers: Yes, the classic. And for good reason. Do a flower or flowers once a month.
  • A card: A real paper-in-an-envelope card. Write something nice, and it is very much a gift.
  • Coupons: This is the perfect gift for an acts of service gal, or to gift your time. The Marriage Bed has some nice print your own coupons.
  • Collectables: Preferably something she has already collects. This could be a specific item, such as a brand of figurine, or anything with a certain symbol or animal on it.
  • Candy nuts, or whatever: If she is not on a diet!
  • Anything given to disappearing at your house: Pens, scissors, AA batteries…
  • Bookmarks: If she’s a reader.
  • Pampering items: Such as bubble bath, hand lotion, scented soaps…

Wrap your gifts, or not. Leave them out, or hide them where she will come across them.

Is three gifts a month a lot? Maybe, but the process of thinking about it, and trying to come up with better and better ideas, will help you know her better, and tell her you are getting to know her better. It is a win/win!

[This post first appeared Oct 3, 2012.]

Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with stockdreams.ai
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The Dinner Before The Big One

by | Nov 25, 2024 | Acts of Service, Do It For Her

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If Thanksgiving is at your place this year, your wife has a lot of cooking and other work to get ready. Make that a bit easier by taking care of dinner Wednesday night.

Sitting on the floor eating take out pizza.

It needs to be something simple and easy to clean up. Picking up or ordering in pizza would be a great choice. Make it your job to get the meal, get everyone to the table, and do all the clean-up afterwards. If your wife needs the table for cooking, or wants to start decorating it early, do a picnic on the living room floor.

The other option is to take the kids out for dinner so your wife has the house alone. Ask her if this is even better.

Image by StockSnap from Pixabay
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Confession: I Expect Too Much of Others

by | Jan 10, 2024 | Acts of Service, Apply the Bible, Big Deal Post, GRACE, Marriage Killer, ZIMAGE

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I have a confession. I expect far too much of others. I don’t do this to my wife, and usually not to my friends, but my standards for everyone else are unfairly high. And when they fail to meet those unrealistic expectations, I silently judge them.

As I have been thinking and praying on this, I have come to suspect a big part of the problem is I think too highly of myself. I generally set a higher standard for myself than I do for others, but I suspect I’m not a fair judge of how well I meet my standards. Beyond that, I give myself grace based on my past and other things, but I don’t extend similar grace to strangers.

The word "GRACE" written in vintage metal letter press type in a red background

Doing this to strangers is wrong. Doing it to friends is a problem. Doing it to your wife is a disaster.

My wife gets a pass on this for three reasons. First, I know her history, and I give her grace based on that. Second, I chose to give her grace in general. Third, I have to live with her, and judging her the way I judge strangers would make that difficult!

I’m not saying I never question or confront my wife. I do. But I try to think and pray before I do that, and then I make a concerted effort to approach her in a soft, loving way.

I’ll be working on doing better with strangers. Or at least giving them grace in my mind. Do you need to do the same? Do you need to start with your wife?

Image Credit: © Chris Titze Imaging | stock.adobe.com
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2023 Sex Research Wrap-Up: Exploring the Science Behind Our Sexuality

by | Dec 30, 2023 | Acts of Service, Sexuality, ZIMAGE

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As you might guess, my news feed is full of sex research. Much of that shows up here, but I can’t do all of it. So with a growing backlog, I thought I’d do a year-end wrap up. I’ll give you the information, my thoughts on a few, and a link so you can follow up if you want to know more.

12-30-2023.jpg

  • Women are more likely than men to think about ending a relationship because of arguing about sex. This was especially true when such disagreements were common, and was true even if there were no issues outside of sex. STUDY
  • Sex is good for our brains. A study found that for adults aged 62–74, better sexual quality was correlated with better cognitive functioning. For those aged 75–90, more frequent sex correlated to better cognitive functioning. STUDY
  • Exposure to sexual stimuli makes us more impulsive, and this is particularly true for men. This is why sex sells. It’s also why a sexy woman can inhibit our normal brain function. STUDY
  • Becoming parents affects our sexuality. Sexual satisfaction generally drops during pregnancy, then increases after childbirth. But the improvement slows down about eight months later. Attachment style is also a factor. If one spouse had attachment anxiety, satisfaction grows more rapidly after the birth. Attachment avoidance means less satisfaction during pregnancy, and slower improvement after birth. STUDY
  • Mutual masturbation (masturbating in each other’s presence) is common in relationships. Men have significantly higher positive feelings about the activity. Having recently engaged in mutual masturbation correlated with sexual satisfaction, but not with sexual self-esteem. STUDY 
  • The primary reason middle-aged women are less interested in sex is tiredness. A good relationship helps, but does not end this issue. If you want more or better sex, help your wife be less busy. STUDY
  • Why she has sex just for you matters. Women who engaged in sex because they felt obligated to do so had lower levels of sexual and relationship satisfaction. On the other hand, when women had sex because it was something nice she did for him, neither sexual nor relationship satisfaction suffered. STUDY

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Last-Minute Christmas Gift Ideas for Your Wife

by | Dec 18, 2023 | Acts of Service, Aff Link, Gifts, Her Needs, Quality Time, ZIMAGE

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Running out of time to get your wife a gift? Have no idea what to get her? Want to get her something that you can’t put in a box and wrap? We have you covered.

Various gift certificates for a wife.

I mentioned our printable Christmas Gift Certificates in passing, but I want to highlight them today. I’m sure your wife wants something in the way of Acts of Service from you or Quality Time with you. A gift certificate is a great way to give those things. Be specific, or leave it open-ended. 

A couple of ideas to make it ever better. Give her one or more that allow her to repeat any certificate. This helps you see what she most wants. Or give her an hour of your time, with no limits other than being sane and not costing too much. 

This year, give yourself!

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Does Your Wife Feel Free to Ask You for What She Needs?

by | Oct 2, 2023 | Acts of Service, Audio, Do It For Her, Her Needs, Simple Ideas, ZIMAGE

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Does your wife ask you freely for what she wants and needs from you?

Wife begging her husband for something

If she has learned you’re stingy or will make fun of her, she will only come to you when she feels she absolutely must. On the other hand, if you have shown yourself to be a generous husband, she will make even her small requests known. Granted, the latter demands more from you, but it makes for a much better marriage for both of you.

What could you do to make your wife feel freer to ask of you?

Image Credit: © Antonioguillem | stock.adobe.com
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Serving Your Wife Changes How You See Her

by | Sep 12, 2023 | Acts of Service, Audio, Beyond the Marriage, Headship/Submission, ZIMAGE

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A few weeks ago, when it was really hot (for here) we were on the way to the grocery store and I saw a group of homeless people trying to find shade. I clearly felt God nudge me to get them water. So when we got to the store, I bought a case of bottled water. As we drove out I stopped, got out of the car, went over to the homeless folks, and said “I’ve got water”.

Since then, I’ve done something similar a couple of times. On a hot day, I got a bottle of sports drink for a fellow on the street corner. I drove by and held it out as I slowed down to make the turn. And then I took a group of homeless a dozen doughnuts, saying “Donut break”.

Homeless man with dog

What I find interesting is how these actions have effected me. I see these folks differently. I see them as people, with worth and value. I see them as people Jesus loves and died for. Each time I’ve done this, I’ve said something that should identify me as a follower of Jesus. Perhaps that will make a difference to one of them, but probably not. But being obedient to God has changed me, and that’s a big deal.

And yes, I see a marriage application in all of this. Serving someone changes how we see them. It softens our heart towards them and makes us think about their needs. And this is as true with serving our wife as it is with serving the homeless. 

Jesus called us to be servants. He told men to be servant leaders in their marriages. When we do that, it changes us in ways that can only improve our marriage.

How should you be serving your wife?

Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash
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Do Her Chores to Show Love

by | Sep 11, 2023 | Acts of Service, Audio, Do It For Her, Simple Ideas, ZIMAGE

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Most couples have developed a list of his chores and her chores. That’s great, but don’t take something being on her list as meaning you should never do that thing.

Man dressed in yellow haz mat uniform and ventilator cleaning the bathroom toilet with scrub brush.

When she is stressed, busy, or sleep-deprived, it’s nice to do a few things on her list. You could also go above and beyond and do something on her list for no reason other than you love her. Choosing a job she really dislikes is especially good.

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