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I’ve come to the conclusion that there is one single cause for all divorces and unhappy marriages:
We fail to do what we should because of selfishness. We do things we should not because of selfishness. We withhold grace and forgiveness because of selfishness.
We may blame what we do wrong on our wife’s selfishness. And while that will often be valid, we could instead deal with our selfish response to her selfishness.
The good news in this is the way to a better marriage is simple: work on being less selfish. Do please note that generosity is the opposite of selfishness.
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What exactly do you mean by selfishness?
@Clifford Wharton – Wikipedia says “Selfishness is being concerned excessively or exclusively for oneself or one’s own advantage, pleasure, or welfare, regardless of others. Selfishness is the opposite of altruism or selflessness.”
That works for me. It plays out in many ways, big and small.
I believe what you said here is true. I know that grace should be shown endlessly in perpetuity. But I have a question….When a husband (who is human) has shown grace until he realizes it will never be reciprocal…..Does he hump up and take it on the chin or start keeping score ?
@Chris B – Turn the other cheek and 70×7 would seem to mean he takes it. Then there’s
“If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.”~ English Standard Version
I’d suggest a lot of prayer and outside support.
outside support – where from? My experience over 40+ years is that not many people especially in the church can be trusted. When the going gets difficult they wash thewir hands of the whole thing. Nor can many people be tusted to keep confidences.
Self-improvement projects are well intentioned but often fail to achieve a good outcome. Even if one is successful, the damage of increased pride will usually overshadow the result. The only way our habits and character will find real progress is through God’s power and grace in our lives. So, the first step is to sincerely seek Him in the problem.
@Gerald Boyd – So we should work on pride first? As a follower of Jesus, my attempts to improve myself are always rooted in Him and His word.
It’s great that you have a good starting point. The article would have more benefit if it also had that starting point.