theology - The Generous Husband

Freedom in Marriage: God vs. What Others Think

by The Generous Husband | Feb 20, 2025 | Sharing Life

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I trust God will understand. I’m not so sure about the neighbors. ~ Papa to Yentl

It’s been over forty years since I saw the movie, but I still remember this line clearly. Yentl’s father teaches the Talmud to the boys in his small Polish town. At that time, Judaism forbade teaching the Talmud to women. But behind locked doors and closed curtains, Papa teaches it to Yentl. The quote above is how Papa answers when Yentl asks why he is careful no one sees him teaching her.

The Bible talks about the weaker brother, and admonishes us to refrain from behaviour that would offend those weaker in their faith, even if the action is not sin. But what we do in the privacy of our homes and marriages is not seen by the weaker brothers and sisters, and we are free to do anything that is acceptable to God.

This applies to what we eat and drink, how we raise our children, and what we do sexually. But while God will understand, some of your Christian neighbours may not. Be careful lest you offered those of weaker faith.

So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the one who does not condemn himself by what he approves. ~ Romans 14:22 NIV

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Share a Devotional: Grow Closer to God and Each Other

by The Generous Husband | Jan 3, 2025 | Faith walk, Good Marriage, Sharing Life

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I should have posted this before the end of the year, but I got sick and was not running on all cylinders.

A daily devotional is a great thing for your spiritual life. And doing it with your wife is a great thing for your marriage.

Lori and listen to an audio version of a devotional before we get out of bed each morning. Last year we did Live in Grace, Walk in Love by Bob Goff. This year we are doing New Morning Mercies by Paul David Tripp. I highly recommend both. The Goff one is not a theologically heavy, but it’s still rock solid and will make you think.

Grab one of these, or something else, and catch up this weekend.

New Morning Mercies: A Daily Gospel by Paul David Tripp Kindle | Hardcover | Audio
Live in Grace, Walk in Love: A 365-Day Journey by Bob Goff Kindle | Hardcover | Audio

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Understanding the Difference Between Arousal and Lust

by The Generous Husband | Dec 21, 2024 | Seeing Clearly, Sexuality

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I want to talk about arousal vs lust. They’re not the same thing, and only one is sinful.

Let’s say you’re walking along a forest path. You round a corner, and see a coral snake on the path. A part of your brain that does not reason causes a release of adrenaline, readying you to fight or flee. A moment later, another part of your brain is thinking “Red and yellow kill a fellow, red and black, venom lack. The red and black touch, so I’m safe.”

Now, let’s say instead of a snake, you see a young woman wearing nothing but hiking boots and a smile. Never mind why she’s there like that, work with me here. A part of your brain that does not reason releases signals and chemicals that sexually arouse you, readying you for sex. A moment later, another part of your brain thinks, “Naked woman. Not my wife. Stare at the ground and move off the trail so she can pass.”

The arousal is a function of a part of the brain you can’t control. It happens instantly, and you can’t prevent it. Then your conscious mind steps in. If you look away, and don’t fantasise about running into the bushes with her after she is out of sight, you have not sinned. Not even if you walk away with a partial erection. If you keep looking at her, with either your eyes or your mind, then you have lusted, and that is sin.

I make this point because some men feel they have sinned when they have not. If they see arousal as sin, they have a problem, because they can’t prevent it. So they either walk around feeling guilty, or they decide if they can’t prevent it, they might as well enjoy it.

Arousal from seeing or hearing something sexual is beyond your control. Do what you can to avoid those things, but don’t beat yourself up for your mind and body working as God designed them. Draw the line in the correct place, and it’s far easier to avoid lust.

Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with stockdreams.ai
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Unsung Heroes In Action

by The Generous Husband | Dec 17, 2024 | Beyond the Marriage

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I talk a lot about serving others. Today I want to share about some folks who are doing that in very real, practical ways. The names have been changed.

Mary, an elderly woman, can no longer drive. For several years, Joe has picked her up at her home, driven her to church, and helped her from the car to her seat and back again. Lori and I assumed Joe was related to Mary. But he’s not. He saw a need, and moved to fill it.

Sally ran a coffee shop in Deer Park. One day, when I was at Costco in Spokane, I saw her pull up in a big van. Several of her customers who don’t drive got out. There is no public transportation from Deer Park to Spokane, so Sally was providing that for folks she knew needed it.

I know others who take an elderly person shopping, or go shopping for them. It’s not glamorous, and most of the time no one even knows they’re doing it. But they’re very much obeying Jesus’ command to help the least of these.

During this season of giving, think about how you could help someone. And then keep doing it all of next year.

TEN DOLLAR TUESDAY: Speaking of giving, our Year End Donation Drive is ongoing. Today is ten dollar Tuesday. If everyone reading gave ten dollars, we’d blow our goal out of the water.

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Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with stockdreams.ai
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God and Sex: Unravelling the Taboo in Christian Marriage

by The Generous Husband | Oct 5, 2024 | Rethinking Sex, Sex Positive

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So what’s wrong with the image for this post? I mean aside from AI’s confusion about human anatomy.

After finishing their Bible study, this couple got frisky without hiding the Bible in a drawer! Even worse, they might have interrupted their Bible study to make out! The scandal!

I made this image after trying to get an image for last Friday’s XY post. Finding an image of a couple reading the Bible together in bed was difficult, and the only image I found had them fully clothed and above the covers. Even AI, which is limited by what it’s been trained on, struggled with this.

The obvious message is God and sex don’t mix. What’s more, God probably sees sex as a necessary evil.

Even those of us who think we’re not this way are usually effected by it. You ask God to bless your food before you eat, but have ever asked God to bless your sex before you make love? Do you pray to God about your sex life the way you pray about other needs or areas of stress? Do you do that as a couple? Have you ever asked a close friend to pray for some sexual problem the way you would other health issues?

Does an image of a man removing is wife’s bra inches from an open Bible make you a bit uneasy? Do you think God wants you to have wild, passionate, frequent sex with your wife? Or do you think your interest in sex is beyond what God wants? Have you ever thought the sexual frustration in your marriage is because you want too much?

Give this some thought and prayer. And then bring it up with your wife. God is wildly pro-sex in marriage. If that’s not how you see it, that error is limiting your sex life.

Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with stockdreams.ai
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FF: Servant Leadership in Marriage: Debunking the Control Myth

by The Generous Husband | Sep 27, 2024 | Friday Flashback, Headship/Submission, Series

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I know, I know, you’re the husband, which makes you the boss. The boss is clearly in control, so that means you’re in control. The only control problem in marriage is women who won’t accept that their husband is in control!

A lot of us were taught something along these lines, but the Bible doesn’t actually say that. The Bible says husbands are to be servant leaders, just as Christ was a servant leader.

Some will argue Jesus is in control. Jesus Himself would disagree; He was very clear God was in control, while He, Jesus, only did what He saw God doing. Please don’t think this is just a technicality, it’s a critical fact we MUST understand if we have any hope of being the kind of husband and servant leader God calls us to be. Being the leader of your home is not about being in control, and it certainly is not about doing things the way you want them to be done. Jesus didn’t want to go to the cross, but He did. “Not my will, but your will be done” is what each of us needs to say to God about how we lead our family. Jesus was willing to go as far as dying; how far are we willing to go for our wife and children?

The other thing about being a servant leader is following such a leader is optional. It’s not optional if a wife wants to be obedient to God, but there is no provision for the servant leader to enforce following. Just as Jesus will let us go our own way, we have to be willing to let our wife ignore our attempts to lead. If you’re a true servant leader, and your wife chooses not to follow you, please pray for her, because it’s not going to go well for her. If you’re behaving rightly, and she’s not following you, it’s God’s problem to deal with. On the other hand, if you’re not leading properly, or are not leading at all, those are also God’s problems to deal with.

Enough on control; on to something new!

[This post first appeared Sept 11, 2012.]

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Is God Your Co-Pilot or Your Captain?

by The Generous Husband | Sep 13, 2024 | Faith walk, Seeing Clearly, Series

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Speaking of control, have you seen the bumper sticker proclaiming “God is my co-pilot”?

merriam-webster.com defines co-pilot as:

a qualified pilot who assists or relieves the pilot but is not in command

I think that is how many of us think of God; He’s there to assist us, but He. Is. NOT. In. Command. He’s not in control; we’re in control. We like Him, we think He has some good ideas, and we say we trust Him, but our actions say “trust but verify”.

The thing about God is He will let us be in control, if that’s what we want. Even though He knows it will end badly for us, He will let us. Even though He knows it will hurt us, and our spouse, and our marriage, He will let us be in control. This is the one control fight you can “win”, and the one you really need to “lose.”

Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with stockdreams.ai
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Busyness is a Choice: Evaluating Our Priorities Against Christ’s

by The Generous Husband | Jan 25, 2024 | Audio, DoLessin2024, ZIMAGE

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There was an interesting comment on my post entitled If Your Wife is Too Busy, Expect Less from Her. The point is summarised in one sentence:

Being busy has very little to do with how much there is to do every day. It has everything to do with what is important to us.

Being busy is a choice, and unless we fight it, it’s a choice our society makes for us. And honestly, I find it to be an unbiblical choice!

Was Jesus busy? The knee-jerk reaction is to say yes, but think about how many times He went off alone to pray. Think about when He was told folks were looking for Him, and He didn’t rush to them.

Jesus had a lot of time when He was with just His closest disciples. This was intentional, and important. That extended time with them made them into the men who would change the world by spreading the word. And their testimony was believable because they knew Jesus so well.

What matters in this world is people. Our relationships are where we touch people for God. It’s where we make a difference. If we’re too busy to spend time with those who God puts in our lives, then we’re too busy. I’d go so far as to say we are sinfully busy. Busyness is an idol today, and many who follow Jesus are worshipping at it.

Sure, we all have busy seasons, and often that can’t be avoided. But a season and a lifestyle are not the same thing.

Bottom Line: To a great extent, how busy you are is your choice. How do you think God would have you choose?

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