Anchor Points

by | Jun 25, 2010 | 1 + 1 = 1, ZIMAGE

Do you have solid, reliable anchor points in your marriage?

By that, I mean something that is consistent, something that can be counted on, something that is going to be there even when times are tough, life is busy, or things are just crazy.

We all need something we can count on to “tie off to” from time to time, and we especially need that when life is difficult. This is one of the reasons that we tend to slip into things like alcohol, drugs, porn use, and other vices when life is hard. These things both comfort us and give us something that is always there, and always the same. 

If you have anchor points with your spouse, the things life throws at you will actually result in your relationship growing stronger and deeper. On the other hand, if your marriage lacks anchor points, difficulties will divide you and your spouse, and leave your marriage in trouble.

Anchor Points

The making of anchor points has to happen during “normal life”. Select actives or events that you both enjoy, or that have meaning to both of you. Make those things habits.

For example: If the two of you like to walk together, make it a habit to take a walk after dinner at least several times a week. Then when life is crazy, a short walk together is a chance to connect to that anchor. In addition to enjoying the walk, and the time together, it reminds you of how you usually feel when you walk together, and it ties you to the more normal times of your life.

Real life example: Lori and I used to play a lot of backgammon. When she was in the hospital for the birth of our son, and labour was moving slowly, I pulled dice and coins out of my pocket and drew a backgammon board on paper. Engaging in a game that we played together so often helped her feel better.

Other options would be a special food treat the two of you share, seasonal things you do, certain music, and so on.  (Please leave other ideas in the comments.)

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So many ways to reach out and touch her

by | Jul 13, 2009 | Communication

© Prawny | Dreamstime.comThere are so many ways to communicate today.  How many of those do you use to talk with your bride when you’re apart?  How many of them do you use to reach out and let her know you love her and are thinking of her?

If you both have cell phones, and don’t pay extra for text messages, texting can be a great way to send her “love notes”.  Texts are usually more discreet and less intrusive than calling, and you can send a quick message even when you can’t really talk.

Instant messaging is also great – if neither of you will get in trouble with an employer, and if you can keep it from taking up a huge amount of time. You could even set up special IM profiles used just between the two of you.

Don’t forget snail mail – it’s not the best for so many things today, but a physical piece of mail can mean more than electronic forms.

A warning: If you communicate from your computer at work, there’s a good chance a what you send is being recorded somewhere, and possibly viewed by someone. I have a friend who got called in to explain an e-mail sent by his wife because it got held up by the companies filter as pornographic!

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