Friday Flashback: A Challenge

I’d like to challenge you to make a change next year. You decide what the change is, just make it something your wife wants or needs you to change.

Two dogs with the words "Double dog dare."

Decide what that change would look like, what you would do differently, what you would stop doing, or what you would start doing. Get a good picture in your mind of how you would be if you made that change. Then start working to match your behaviour to that picture.

One more thing – do not tell your wife what you’re doing. Don’t even hint that you’re trying to change something, just do it. If you have chosen something she wants and needs, and you do it well, she will come to you and ask what’s going on. That is when you tell her that you love her and you want to be a better husband to her.

[This post first appeared Dec 27, 2011.]

Seventy percent!: I get emails from a lot of ministries. The last few days I’ve had more than a dozen of them reporting they are way short on their year-end giving. So while we are running slow, we seem to be doing better than many groups.

Yes, we want your support. But we know there are other great ministries out there that also need it. Please pray about this. Should you give something somewhere? If you’ve given, should you give somewhere else too? I hate to see good ministries downsize or close up, and it’s becoming more and more common.

If you feel you should support what Lori and I do, you can give with a credit card. If you want to give more than you have at the moment, one of the options is to give monthly.

To give by check or set up bill pay, put “Paul & Lori” in the memo of your check and mail to:

Paul & Lori
c/o The Marriage Bed, Inc.
4641 Lyons Hill Road
Springdale, WA 99173

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Face Down Orgasm

Have her lie face down with her legs apart. Lying next to her, slip your hand over her bum and round to her vulva. Find her clitoris and slowly take her to orgasm.

Hand of female pulling white sheets in ecstasy.

You can try sliding your thumb in her vagina and using your pointer on her clit. You can also use a small vibrator.

This is a great way to finish a long back rub or to give her another orgasm as she is drifting off to sleep after sex.

If you are one of the 20% of couples where the wife wants more sex than the husband, you need to do this for your wife regularly. Offer, or just do it, depending on her.

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Listen For The Wish

I am shamelessly stealing this post from my wife, with gender changes as needed.

If you listen carefully, from time to time, you will hear your wife wish for something. She’ll mention a book she wants to read or she may talk about a fun time she had camping a few years back.

She might not start her sentence with, “I wish,” but if you listen carefully you can hear wistfulness or desire.

Woman making a wish as she blows on a dandelion flower

Can you play into those wishes?

Sometimes you can do something immediately (grab her a copy of that book), but other times you may need time to plan and save (a camping trip before winter?).

Listen to the tone of her voice. What does she mention in conversation?

Make her wish come true.

A post worth reading:

Marriage365 | Things You Should and Shouldn’t Do After Sex ◄ Ever said any of these?

Photo by Havilah Galaxy on Unsplash 
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Create A Reminder

Do you want to do something nice for your wife on a regular basis, but you keep forgetting? Create a reminder.

Carabiner hook

Put something new where you will see it or move something to a new place. Then when you see the item, do whatever you want to do for her.

The more unusual or out of place the item, the better. If you don’t want her to see it, put it where she won’t be looking. A note under an item only you use for example. Or put something on your key ring – a carabiner is useful and not suspicious. 

#CouplesQuestion: What one thing could you do to make your spiritual walk healthier and stronger?

A post worth reading: 

Knowing Her Sexually | Why Do Women Overextend Themselves? ◄ As this is a major sex killer, understanding it would be a good idea!

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The Never-ending Gift Box

It’s been over four years since I mentioned this great little gift idea. My bad!

Wood box on dresser

Get a pretty gift box with a fitted lid that lifts off. Or get a nice wooden box if you want to be fancy. Place the box where your wife will see it daily. If you have kids put it in your bedroom or out of their reach. When you place the box put a card in it that says “Check back often for new arrivals.”

Then from time to time, leave a gift in the box. Some can be simple inexpensive things like her favourite candy or a love note. Others should be nicer gifts. You can also leave coupons for special date nights, a massage, or whatever else she would enjoy.

A post worth reading:

Fierce Marriage | 3 Things I Wish I’d Known Before I Divorced My Wife ◄ A must-read for anyone who has thought about divorce!

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Friday Flashback: Thanksgiving Paper Bags

I got the following from my friend Roger Thoman. I like this as a Thanksgiving game or ice-breaker, but I also have a more marriage-oriented application. First Roger’s:

Note on Thanksgiving Paper Bags: So here is how we did this. Everyone brought a paper bag with three objects in it representing three things that they are thankful for. Important rule: You cannot include God or your family as things to be thankful for. This is not to negate that we are all thankful for God and our family, but—that’s just the point—we are ALL thankful for God and our family so that would take up two or three objects already. So, move past those and come up with three other things to be thankful for, then put objects in your bag that represent those three things. When we gathered, one person chose a bag (not their own) to open. The idea, then, is to try to guess whose bag it is based on what’s in the bag. The person who opens the bag tries to guess the owner of the bag. If he is not successful, others in the room can chime in until the owner is identified. Then the owner of that bag explains his/her three objects, what they represent and why they are thankful for that. Finally, that person picks up the next bag and the process continues. Very fun and very meaningful. We have used this with family on Thanksgiving Day as well.

Gift bags on a table

Now a marriage twist: Do this with your wife, each of you doing three to five items. Obviously there is no point guessing whose bag is whose, but you can go over the items one at a time, guess what each item means to your spouse, then listen to their thoughts and feelings behind the item.

Bonus: Feel free to “cheat” and put a gift for your wife at the bottom of your bag!

A personal appeal from me: It’s been a while since I mentioned that what my bride and I do here is donations supported. Yes, I know that’s unusual for a blog. It’s also unusual for a blog to publish 365 days a year, and increasingly unusual for a blog to not run ads and/or have a paid “member’s only” section.
As always, your prayers, comments, and donations are deeply appreciated.

[This post first appeared November 22, 2010.]

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One Thing A Month

What would your wife like you to change or do differently? Put the seat down, get your clothes in the basket, take out the trash, mow the yard before it’s too long, take her out at least twice a month, bring home flowers for no reason, leave her love notes, or text her during the day? 

One Thing A Month

Pick one item on her list and make it your goal for a month to do that and do it well. Then the next month keep doing that one thing and add another. Keep adding things each month. Don’t brag on yourself, just do it.

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How to Make Valentine’s Just Another Day

Are you tired of February 14th being a make or break day that affects the rest of the month, or beyond? I have a solution.

How to Make Valentine's Just Another Day

I think one reason some women make such a huge deal about Valentine’s Day is they feel starved for romance all the time. If there was one day a year focused on something important to you that you felt you weren’t getting enough of, you would be all about that day. Your wife is the same way.

The solution is to provide a flow of romance all year long. Little gifts, love notes, special dates, a massage, candles in the bathroom, and so on and so forth. If you feed her need for romance all the time, Valentine’s will just become one more day when she knows you will show your love for her in some little way. And some little way will be enough because she’s not starved for romance. 

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