practical - The Generous Husband

Knowledge vs. Experience in Marriage: Practical Application Matters

by The Generous Husband | Sep 19, 2024 | Good Marriage

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Lori and I regularly watch Living Traditions Homestead on YouTube. Aside from giving us information we can use, they are a lovely Christian couple who love each other and have a plan. In a recent video, they were talking abut the difference between knowledge and experience. If you watch hundreds of videos on gardening or raising animals, you have a lot of knowledge. But when you try to put that knowledge to work, you find out that knowing is not enough. Practical experience is necessary to do gardening or raising chickens well. You can only get experience by doing. And by making mistakes.

Marriage is the same way. You can read all the books and follow all the blogs, and have a great deal of knowledge. But you will have to apply that knowledge to get practical experience. And there will be mistakes.

One great way to get experience is by doing something new with someone who knows how to do it. That is true for gardening or marriage. This is why I suggest getting together with a couple who seem to have their marriage working well. It’s also why coaching can be helpful.

I’m all for chasing knowledge, but that’s not enough. Even if you’ve been married for years and have a great thing going, there will be times when something new comes up. A book and some trial and error might be all you need, but it takes work, and there will be things that don’t work.

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Time Envelopes: A Practical Approach to Work-Life Balance

by The Generous Husband | Sep 3, 2024 | Her Needs, Margin, Your Needs

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I see a good deal about having a healthy work-life balance. Getting that right is necessary for your sanity, for your physical and mental health, and for your marriage.

One of the side effects of my doing a real sabbath rest every week has been creating a better work-life balance without trying.

I have developed a habit of making certain non-work things in my life must do. They have a minimum amount of time I will spend on them. Most of these will get more time if it’s available, but they won’t get less time unless something extraordinary happens.

It’s a lot like Dave Ramsey’s envelope system. Time put in the “be with family envelope” doesn’t get used for anything else. Likewise, for time assigned to relaxing or spending time with my wife.

The difficult part is not feeling guilty about breaking from an important task to play with my grandkids or follow my wife into the bedroom. When something is overdue, it can be a challenge to switch to something else. Sabbath has taught me how to do that because sabbath is a hard stop no matter what. Spending time for non-work things has become the same way.

This could mean I don’t accomplish things that need to get done. I avoid that by having enough margin to do what’s critical, not putting too much on my plate, and regularly reassessing my time use. I’ve also learned to set realistic goals, and to modify goals if it becomes apparent I miscalculated.

If you want to do this, I suggest you start with a couple of time envelopes. Make one something you really enjoy doing, and the other time with your wife. Assign those things a minimum amount of time each week, and make that happen unless some catastrophe occurs.

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The Alarming State of Male Friendship in America

by The Generous Husband | Mar 12, 2024 | Your Needs

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Last weekend, I attended a men’s retreat with a group of men from my church. The theme was friendship. The first speaker addressed the sad reality that most men don’t have enough friends, and possibly no close friend. And it’s getting worse at a frightening pace.

- Only 21% of US men say they get emotional support from friends every week.
- Fifteen percent of men under 30 say they don’t have a close friend. And that number has increased fivefold in the last 35 years.
- More than half of all men report feeling unsatisfied with the size of their friend groups.
- Only 27% of American men have six close friends. That is half as many as 35 years ago.
- Sixty percent of men self-describe as lonely.

Aside from this being sad, we know there are health issues that come from a lack of friends. Those without friends live shorter, less fulfilling, less happy lives. Loneliness increases the odds of cardiovascular disease as much as smoking 15 cigarettes a day! Mental health is affected even more strongly.

I’m going to pick this up one Thursday. Between now and then, think about your friendships. Who is your closest friend, other than your wife? How much time do you spend with him? Who are your six closest friends? When did you last connect with them?

A post worth reading:

Hot, Holy & Humorous | The Church on Sex: We’re Not There, But We’re Doing Better ◄ True on both counts.

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Marriage is Like the TARDIS: Bigger and Wilder Than You Expect

by The Generous Husband | Mar 7, 2024 | Audio, Encouragement, Faith walk, ZIMAGE

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If you’re not a Doctor Who fan, the blue box in the image is the Doctor’s time travelling spaceship.

When you step into the TARDIS, you’re in for a wild ride and the adventure of your life. Crazy things will happen, and there will be a lot of running. Marriage is like that, isn’t it? When we started, we may or may not have had an idea what was going to happen or what we wanted. And any expectations about those things were quickly swept away by a whole new reality.

The other thing about the TARDIS is that it’s bigger on the inside than the outside. Marriage is this way too. What folks see on the outside is just a hint at what’s going on inside. And only those in the box know what’s really happening.

Marriage is the ultimate adventure. It’s two folks in a box going places together, often without as much control as either would like. If you can embrace the adventure and get over the lack of control, you can have a great time.

BTW, if you’re both following God, then you know He’s in control, which sure helps when it gets really crazy.

A post worth reading:

Dr. Corey Carlisle | Allowing time for things to suck◄ AKA grieving.

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FF: Start An Out of Town Fund

by The Generous Husband | Mar 1, 2024 | Audio, Friday Flashback, Links to good stuff, Money, Quality Time, ZIMAGE

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The last few days, Lori and I have been on a mini vacation. Because of Dave Ramsey, this is the shortest and lowest cost vacation we’ve had in a very long time. But it’s still a much-needed break – especially since we each just finished a total revamp of a website (mine for the day job, hers as a way of giving to a ministry we support).

I’m a big believer in the need to get away together. Even if you have to beg family and friends to take the kids, pack an ice chest, and drive 50 miles, you need to get away as a couple. If it seems you can never find the money for a vacation, start a get-out-of-town fund. Figure out what you would need for a few days, and divide by 52 (weeks in a year) or however often you want to get away, and start saving. Get a glass jar, and put in the necessary money each week, no matter what. Don’t raid the jar for anything short of life or death medical events or impending foreclosure or eviction. As you save, talk about where you will go and what you will do together.

You can get to a vacation faster, or get a better buy for your money, by keeping an eye on websites that offer deals on hotels. If you can get time off mid-week, you can usually get better rates on flying, rental cars, and hotels. Weekdays may also be easier if your kids are in school.

If you drop the cost of a fancy coffee into the jar every other day, you’ll have enough for a decent three-night trip in far less than a year.

[This post first appeared Aug 03, 2012.]

A post worth reading:

Dr. Corey Carlisle | Emotional hibernation ◄ A good tool, if not overused.

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Don’t Settle – Keep Improving Your Marriage Over Time

by The Generous Husband | Feb 6, 2024 | Audio, Communication, Her Needs, Your Needs, ZIMAGE

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Last Thursday, I talked to you about how sex with your wife right after you got married probably wasn’t great, and you had to work at it to make it good. Today, let’s talk about the same thing with our marriages.

When you first got married, you had no idea how to do it. You had seen examples, some of which were bad examples. Maybe you read some books or got some advice from a good source. And if you were blessed, you got quality premarital counselling. But marriage was something new and unlike anything you’d ever done before. What’s more, it involved this other person who was not like you. She didn’t think like you, react like you, or want all the same things you wanted.

Most couples do okay at first due to the honeymoon phase. They overlook things, including some things they shouldn’t have overlooked. The let things go, setting up habits that will be a problem later. And there’s a great deal of trial and error.

Usually we muddle through and hash out something we can both live with. All too often what comes from that is far from what either spouse really needs. But once we have a more or less functional system, we may be afraid to mess with it.

Even if you somehow managed to get it all right by your first anniversary, that was then and this is now. Your needs have changed, as have hers. Things that were okay back then have become not okay. The same is true for your wife. And adding a child or three changed a lot of things.

It’s okay to say, “This isn’t working any more”. In fact, saying that is a good thing, if you do it kindly. Speaking up is better than continuing to put up with things you don’t like. You should be constantly tweaking your marriage relationship. Don’t wait for something to blow up; check in often and make changes as needed. Once this becomes habit, it’s far easier than the alternative, and it means a much smoother ride for both of you.

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Romantic Mugs for Coffee and Tea Loving Wives

by The Generous Husband | Jan 8, 2024 | Audio, Gifts, Simple Ideas, ZIMAGE

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If your wife drinks coffee or tea, mugs are a great gift. Keep your eyes out for one she would especially like, or search online for something specific. Do be aware of what size mug she likes, and get something similar.

Remember, little gifts for no reason are always a good idea.

The pictured mug, and a couple of other romantic mugs, can be found here.

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Good Friends are Good for Your Marriage

by The Generous Husband | Oct 30, 2023 | Audio, Beyond the Marriage, ZIMAGE

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It’s been said a true friend will help you hide a body. I think a true friend will help you move an upright piano – from the basement!

Whatever criteria you use, Lori and I are spending some time with that kind of friends. We’ve known each other almost thirty years, and while we’ve both moved to different states, we still get together and love the time together.

Good friends are good for our marriages. I’ve got my friends, and Lori has her friends. We also have a few couples who we enjoy together. Finding great couple friends can be difficult, but when you do, you’ve hit pure gold. Lori and I have three couples in that category, and happily one is local. What a blessing!

Is there a couple or two that you and your wife both enjoy? If so, spend more time together. If not, be on the lookout.

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