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This is one of the most significant and potentially marriage-changing posts I’ve ever done. It’s simple, it’s easy, and it can have a massive effect on your wife, your marriage, and your sex life. Please take this seriously, and give it a real try.

I’ve often said non-sexual touch is necessary for a woman to want and enjoy sexual touch, and now I have a survey supporting my claim. The survey isn’t perfect – it would have been good to have an, “I don’t want more touch” choice. So this applies to women who want more touch, which other surveys have shown to be true for most wives.

Question: Women – other than sexual contact, what physical touch would you like more of from your husband?

Touching me as he walks past 75.7%
His arm around me 56.8%
Many kisses during the day 43.2%
Shoulder rubs 43.2%
Snuggling laying down 43.2%
Holding hands 40.5%
Back rubs 37.8%
Some very long kisses 37.8%
Snuggling sitting down 37.8%
Full body massage 35.1%
More hugs 35.1%
Laying on him while we watch TV 35.1%
Some very long hugs 35.1%
Sitting closer (on the couch, at a restaurant …) 29.7%
Foot rubs 27.0%
Wrestling 13.5%
Sitting in his lap 10.8%

• What jumps out on this is that three-fourths of women said a touch as hubby walked past was something they desire. This is not a difficult thing; it takes almost no effort and only seconds to do. A brief touch on the arm, a passing grasp of her hand, or a pat on the butt if it’s okay with her. Simple, easy, and powerful. Doing this a number of times a day tells her you are always aware of her, always thinking of her, and always desiring intimacy with her. Most women are desperate to feel that way about their husband!
• Second, at more than half, was his arm around her. Be it while walking or sitting, this is a powerful form of touch for a woman. I suspect there’s a safe and protected aspect to this form of touch. Additionally, this shows the world you love her, and it makes her feel especially good in public because it tells her you’re not ashamed of loving her in front of others.
• A little less than half the ladies cited kissing during the day (as opposed to as foreplay). Trust me on this; it’s almost impossible to kiss your wife more than she wants. You can even throw in some heavy kissing and a bit of gentle groping on occasion if you do plenty of kissing. “Some very long kisses” was mentioned by over a third of the women, so some are specifically looking for more than a peck!
• Most of the rest of the options were all chosen by roughly one-third of the women. I think this shows individuality, and means you need to do some trial and error to find what your wife wants and enjoys the most. “Sitting in his lap” was picked by only one woman in ten, but for some of those it may be a huge thing, and maybe a turn-on as well.
• The responses on massage are interesting; with shoulder rub being highest rated, then full body massage, back rub, and finally foot rub. Again, this shows preferences. Some women probably selected all four, while others only wanted one. Shoulders are a good choice because it releases pain and stress and is intimate without being in your face sexual. In the second section, one lady commented, “Foot-rubs = Foreplay…..I just can’t get him to realize it! :)” – take a lesson, men!

Question: Women: How do you think more non-sexual touch would affect your interest in sex?

I would feel less used 36.4%
I think I would be open to more sex 33.3%
I think I would want more sex 30.3%
I think I would want a lot more sex 30.3%
I think I would enjoy sex a lot more 30.3%
I think I would enjoy sex more 21.2%
I think I would be open to a lot more sex 15.2%
No change 3.0%

Only 3% of women said more touch would not change her sexually! All the rest said they thought more touch would result in wanting or enjoying sex more.

• Forty-eight percent of the women thought they would be more open to sex or a lot more sex.
• Sixty percent, said more touch would cause them to want more sex or a lot more sex. Non-sexual touch is clearly a great way to increase sex in a marriage!
• Just over half of the women said more touch would result in them enjoying sex more or a lot more. This may not make sense to those of us with male minds, but clearly half the women think more non-sexual touch means enjoying sexual touch more.
• The most picked answer, chosen by over a third, was “I would feel less used”. If a man only touches his wife when he’s having or seeking sex, is it any wonder she feels sex is all he wants? This is one of those places where actions speak far louder than words!

The bottom line is, non-sexual touch has a powerful effect on a woman sexually. However, many men avoid non-sexual touch when we feel sexually starved. Now that you know, what are you going to do about it? BTW, if she’s been touch starved for years, it’s going to take time for more non-sexual touch to have a noticeable effect on her. 

[This post first appeared June 24, 2012.]

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