Vision Casting And House Keeping

by | Jun 12, 2023 | Audio, None of the Above, ZIMAGE

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Today, I want to talk about where Lori and I see ourselves going in terms of ministry. We’ve made a lot of changes over the last 26 years. We started with a static website. Then a message board, blogs, Facebook and Twitter, and most recently podcasting. Every addition has been intended to reach more folks who might benefit from what we have to say about marriage and sexuality.

And now it seems like the time to offer a YouTube channel. We’ve been kicking this around since about Christmas, and we’re now thinking of trying to have it running this year. We are months away, so this is the first tease. YouTube will put us in front of a new audience, and importantly younger couples. It could also, in time, provide some income, which would be nice.

Coming soon illuminated with light projector blank stage realistic vector illustration.

If you have thoughts about this, we’d love to hear them as we put together “the DNA” of this new venture. We would also like your prayers for wisdom and timing.

In the near future, we will announce a summer fund drive. If you have never supported us financially, I hope you will pray about doing so.

And finally, I want to make you aware of a great opportunity for your marriage. J Parker and Kate and Brad Aldrich are doing a marriage cruise this October. Lori and I did this years ago, and everyone who joined us said they really enjoyed it. The speakers are top-notch, and a cruise is a great marriage vacation. Lori and I took this same cruise for our anniversary a few years ago, and it was a great trip.

There are few spaces left – sign up before it fills up!

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Image Credit: © kolonko | stock.adobe.com & J Parker
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Enough ≠ Generosity

by | Feb 24, 2021 | Generosity, Her Needs, ZIMAGE

“Enough” is a tricky concept. It’s said enough is enough, but in a marriage, I don’t think that’s true.

Chalkboard reading Don't stop at enough

Enough is the bare minimum. It’s the lest you can get by with. And what does doing the bare minimum you can get away with communicate to your wife? Is that really the message you want to send? Does that seem like an expression of love?

There’s a reason this blog isn’t called “The Enough Husband”. 

A Note For Email Subscribers:

A couple of years ago we stopped adding email users to the very old and no longer updated FeedBurner system. We moved to a system created by WordPress which works better and looks better. Recently we’ve had some problems with the old system, and I would suggest you move to the new one. If you’re not sure you know which system you’re on, check the image below. The top half is the newer system, the bottom is the older one.

To change systems use the unsubscribe link bottom left on any post email. Then go to the web site and enter your email third box down on the right side. You will need to reply to a confirmation email. (You might want to add the new one and then unsub from the old one when you get two copies of the post.)

Image Credit: © magele-picture | stock.adobe.com
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An Introduction

by | Aug 29, 2018 | DateNight, Links to good stuff, The "D" word, ZIMAGE

I would like to introduce you to House on the Rock Family Ministries.

An Introduction

Last summer some mutual friends, who are also involved in marriage ministry, introduced us to HOTRFM. We got to spend time with a member of their staff and learned about what they do. Today I want to point out a couple of things they have to offer.

Fan the Flame Date videos: These five to ten-minute videos are designed to be watched together as a way of building your marriage. There are videos on a wide range of issues, by several speakers. Each includes a short worksheet of questions. A great way to start a conversation with your wife!

Marriage Intensive: These three-day events are for couples who have lost hope. Many who attend are talking divorce, or have already separated. A year later 85% of those couples are still together. Lori and I have friends who went to one of these (we may have pushed them a bit) and it made a huge difference. We’ve talked to those who do these, we’ve seen the material, and we’ve seen the results. If you think your marriage is over, or fear it might be soon, PLEASE check this out. It could save your marriage, and if it does you will have a much better marriage.

I don’t recommend very many resources like this because I’ve been burned in the past. These folks are the real deal! 

Image Credit: © joakant | pixabay.com
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A New Look and Some Personal Growth

by | Dec 5, 2017 | ~ list info, ZIMAGE

Sunday evening Lori and I uploaded the new look for this blog. What you see is almost entirely the work of my lovely and talented wife. I suggested the image, and she asked me some questions, but I was fairly hands-off on how it looked.  Given I have preferences for pretty much everything, that’s a major step of growth for me.

My wife has a far better eye for how a blog looks. I know this, but I’ve always done it myself just the same. I like my result, but I suspect the average reader is less impressed than I am with my efforts. So this time I let the expert who stands next to me do it. It’s nothing like what I would have done, but I like it and I’m very proud of my wife.

A New Look and Some Personal Growth

The new banner image is of Lori and I sitting by the lake at the Falls Lake State Recreation Area outside Durham, NC. We spent four wonderful days parked there in the spring of 2016. It was a planned downtime – no speaking or visiting, and limited online work. It was a time to reconnect, recharge, and get some needed us time. We have fond memories of those few days, and I love seeing that image every time I go to the blog.

BTW, this theme has a much better mobile version, something a few of you have been asking for.

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Image Credit: © Paul H. Byerly 
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What Happened to Simple Ideas?

by | Mar 22, 2016 | Gifts, Reader Requested/Inspired

When this blog started in 2001 it was intended to give a simple daily idea to help men be better husbands. Monday through Friday I did something on one of the Five Love Languages. Saturday was sexual, Sunday spiritual. 

Saturday and Sunday have stayed about the same, but simple ideas have become fewer and fewer over the years. There are several reasons for this:

  1. The more I’ve worked with marriages the more couples I see who need far more than simple ideas.
  2. The more I’ve learned, the more comfortable I am doing something more than simple ideas.
  3. There are only so many ideas and I got tired of repeating them (just being honest!).

Still, simple ideas can be powerful, and I need to start throwing some of those in.

Easter Flowers © WavebreakMediaMicro | dollarphotoclub.com

I mention this because it was addressed by one of you recently. I also heard from one of you who wondered if anyone reads me any day other than Saturday. This was because most of the top seven posts from last year were about sex. The most read is skewed because it was pulled from actual visits to the website. If you read by email or RSS you were not counted. I assume most who read in these ways read more than just Sexday Saturday. 

I do understand why sex-related posts get more reads. I could no doubt increase my site hits by writing about sex more often, but that’s not going to happen. (Although I might do another sex week in July).

As for a simple idea, why not get your wife flowers for Easter this year?

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Check Marriage Growth from Time to Time.

by | Apr 16, 2013 | Encouragement, Seeing Clearly, Words of Affirmation

Do you ever look at your marriage, compare it to how it was in the past, and judge if there has been growth?

I suggest you do this regularly. If there has been growth, you’ll be encouraged. If there hasn’t been growth, you might be encouraged to focus more on your marriage. If things have gotten worse, see it as a significant warning sign and take action.  

measuring tools © Vadidak | Dreamstime.com

This crosses my mind because Lori and I have had a very rough half-dozen days. We have dealt with taxes, which were far worse due to lost computer files, web site problems (the day job, the marriage ministry, and helping a few friends), and sickness. It was the perfect recipe for getting frustrated, being cross with each other, or otherwise not practising what we preach. While we have not reached the point I hope and believe we will, we both felt we handled the stress and problems much better than we would have a couple of years ago. Aside from feeling good about that, we both feel a lot less beat up than we would have in the past.

Next time you have a rough few days, take time to think about how you, your wife, and your marriage dealt with the situation. Honestly compare with the past, and then do what seems right to make next time better.

BTW, when your bride does a better than usual job of dealing with things, be sure to tell her that, and even brag on her to others if appropriate. Which leads me to this: Lori did a great job of having all the tax data together this year, and she handled the stress of doing taxes better than she ever has – in spite of this year’s difficulties.

Finally, if you are a new or occasional reader, please don’t think I/we have it all together. I’ve shared my failing here on occasion, and I have no lack of those. For more on that, see Lori’s post for today.

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Call Before You Come By

by | Mar 4, 2013 | Intimacy

My bride and I are childless for the first time in our marriage of twenty-eight years (she brought a daughter into the marriage). I announced this to friends and family by posting the following on facebook:

BOOM! Empty nest. Call before you come by. ;-)

Alone at last! © Branislav Ostojic | Dreamstime.com

The responses have been interesting, from those who gave their own empty nest countdown to those who don’t want to even think about their children leaving home.

I read a while back that the second highest period of divorce for couples is the year after the last child leaves home. Some of this is couples who “stayed together for the kids”, but that’s not the primary reason. All too often, when the kids leave the couple discovers the kids were the only thing they had in common!

I can’t say we’ve been chomping at the bit to have an empty nest. Our son has been a very well-mannered young man. For the last couple of years he has been covering his own bills, and has been more help around the house than he has been extra work. Still, having the children all grow up and move away is a natural part of life. We’ve looked forward to this, and we’ve built a relationship that will not just survive, but thrive without children.

What about you and your wife? Regardless of how old your children may be, are you intentionally building a relationship that will thrive when they eventually leave?

A parent’s brag: We are very proud of our son. He’s made great decisions and planned his moving out well. He is far better prepared to “be on his own” than either his mother or I were when we left the nest. If children as adults were nothing more than the result of the parenting they received, we could claim to be brilliant parents. In truth, I feel I managed not making too many messes, pointed him in the right direction, and rarely got in the way of him hearing and following God. 

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