kindness - The Generous Husband

Transform Your Marriage in 2025

by The Generous Husband | Dec 31, 2024 | ~ list info, Generosity, Good Marriage, GRACE

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Would you like a better marriage in 2025?

If you keep doing what you’ve been doing, you can expect more of the same. While there is no guarantee doing things differently will make your marriage better, not doing things differently guarantees it won’t get better.

You can greatly improve the odds of things getting better by making smart changes. More kindness, grace, and generosity are a solid plan. Watching the tone of your voice and those not quite unheard comments is a smart move. Doing more of what you know she wants and likes, and less what you know she dislikes, can only help.

I know she has her issues. But being nicer will affect her. I know you think she won’t ever change, but everyone changes.

There are times when you have to take a stand. But if you’re loving and generous in general, taking a stand isn’t more of the same. And that improves the odds she will listen to you.

Praying 2025 is an awesome year for your marriage!

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FF: 4 Words You Should Never Use With your Wife

by The Generous Husband | Dec 6, 2024 | Communication, Friday Flashback, Good Marriage, Understanding Her

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First, a confession, I have no idea what four words you should never say to or in front of your wife. What’s more, the list is probably larger than four. However, I can help you narrow down the list by giving you four common problems areas.

Painful family words: Never use words her family used to shame, tease, or control her. This could be something like “stupid” or a nickname she hated. I don’t mean a loving name she was okay with; I’m talking about mean ones, or ones that felt mean to her. These words have deep, painful roots, and nothing good comes from you tugging at those.
Painful childhood words: Much like the above, but from school and other places she interacted with other kids when she was growing up. Kids can be exceptionally cruel, and even friends can be hurtful by teasing past what is fun.
Painful sex words: Some women don’t care what words you use for sex, while others are very sensitive to anything she wouldn’t hear in a doctor’s office. A great many women have a rather violent internal reaction to a certain word starting with “c”. And many are not a fan of the words “moist” and “panties”. Whatever her no go sex words, using them is making things worse for you, both in and out of bed.
Sarcasm and insults: Unless she grew up the only girl with several bothers, odds are she doesn’t enjoy sarcasm and teasing insults the way your buddies do. Save it for the guys, and treat her differently.

All of these are personal and vary from woman to woman. A word that offends one woman is a loving nickname to another; a word that means “I like you” to one woman is a deep insult to another. If you’ve been paying attention, you should have some idea what words bother her. Of course, you could also just ask her. Give her the categories above as a guide, or ask her for a list of a few words she would like to never hear from your mouth.

[This post first appeared Oct , 2012.]

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Improve Your Marriage One Small Act at a Time

by The Generous Husband | Nov 18, 2024 | Simple Ideas, YOU4HER

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What might happen if you made a point of doing one small act of kindness for your wife every day?

Some might be so small they don’t register with her, but they will add up. She will feel better loved and more accepted. She may not know why she feels that way, but it doesn’t matter as long as she feels it.

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Improving Your Marriage with Two Simple Words

by The Generous Husband | Oct 7, 2024 | Gratitude, Simple Ideas

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Thank You.

It’s two little words. But it can communicate so much.

Have you become so “comfortable” with your wife that you no longer say thank you for little things?

Say thank you every time it’s appropriate. It’s a little thing that could bring big results.

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Honoring Your Wife: She’s No Fool’s Joke

by The Generous Husband | Apr 1, 2024 | Your Needs

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As we celebrate April Fool’s day, allow me to remind you that your wife is no one’s fool, and should never be treated like a fool by you.

This includes making her the butt of a joke or sharing anything about her that could embarrass her.

Your wife is worth far more than getting a good laugh!

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Protecting Your Wife’s Heart: From Others

by The Generous Husband | Mar 28, 2024 | Your Needs

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Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life. ~ Proverbs 13:12 ESV

On Tuesday, I pointed to this scripture and asked you to guard your wife’s heart from you. Today, I want to encourage you to guard her heart from others hurting her by never doing what they say they will.

One way to do this is to gently warn her when someone who has repeatedly failed her makes a promise. Something like, “I hope that happens, but her track record isn’t so good”. You don’t want to insult or attack folks, especially her friends, but a gentle reminder of past events can help her avoid hoping too much. The stronger form of this is to protect her from folks putting her in that situation. I knew a fellow whose wife had failed to conceive for years. Well-meaning folks were forever telling her they thought she was going to get pregnant. Her husband eventually let it be known anyone who said anything like that to her would have to deal with him. And he was a black belt!

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FF: The Intersection of Margin and Kindness

by The Generous Husband | Mar 22, 2024 | Your Needs

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I once tweeted*, “Ever notice kindness and busyness tend to be mutually exclusive? Are you too busy to be kind?”

Yes, this is another margin thing. Kindness is far easier when you have margin in your life. When you’re rushed, you don’t want to take the time, but when you have time to spare it’s easy to be loving, kind, and generous. This is true at work, in line at the store, in traffic, and in your marriage. Add some margin to your life, and I bet you will find yourself being a nicer person.

* Follow me on twitter (aka X) @themarriagebed

[This post first appeared Aug 08, 2012.]

A post worth reading:

Dr. Corey Carlisle | From insecurity to blessing ◄ Embrace where others are better than you

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Thanking Your Wife for Doing “Her Job”

by The Generous Husband | Mar 4, 2024 | Audio, Gratitude, Links to good stuff, Simple Ideas, ZIMAGE

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Yesterday, when my wife finished the dishes, I thanked her for doing them. And not just for doing them then, I thanked her for doing them all the time.

We’ve agreed that’s “her job” (I do the cooking these days) but I still wanted her to know I appreciate her doing it.

What does your wife do because it’s her job that you should thank her for doing?

A post worth reading:

Dr. Corey Carlisle | Sacrifices with integrity intact ◄ Not always easy, but very important.

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