This tree has been the view from the window by my computer for a couple of weeks. I built it on a twelve-foot pole we will be moving our Starlink to in the spring.
I said I did it for the grandkids. But I also did it for me. And most of the adults on the property have made over it. Win win!
I pray your Christmas is full of family, joy, and the love of Jesus.
Okay, guys, Christmas is less than 48 hours away. So here’s my husband game plan:
Be insanely helpful
Be wildly compassionate and full of grace.
Rub her shoulders, get her drinks, and pamper her in any way you can.
Don’t expect, ask for, or hint about sex. If she offers, accept and tell her how amazing she is.
This is your chance to just be a blessing, regardless of what she has gotten herself into. BTW, this is also a loving choice even if your wife has not bitten off too much.
Would you like to give your wife a gift she really wants? A gift she will cherish for years to come? How about making a permanent change you know she wants? It might be no longer doing or saying something she dislikes. Or it could be starting to do something she has indicated she’d like you to do.
I know changes like this aren’t easy. The question you have to ask yourself is if you think she’s worth it. If she is, do whatever it takes to make the change, and to stick to it.
If you have a good idea what change she would like, I think the best option is to do it without saying anything. Let her figure it out; let her ask you about it when she sees the results.
If you have no idea what she would like you to change, you could ask her. If you think that would end badly, the list below is from answers 174 women gave when asked what one change they would like their husband to give them as a Christmas gift.
Help out: Preferably without being asked. If you’re not sure, ask what you can do. Oh, and please pick up after yourself!
Communication: She would like your attention when she is talking with you. Better communication skills and less harshness were also requested by a number of women.
Anger and lack of patience were mentioned by a number of respondents.
Plenty of wives want more time with hubby, and the majority of them complained about the amount of time he spent on video games, television, and the Internet. Don’t get so into your technology you ignore your wife!
Some were concerned about hubby and the kids. A few wanted more help, but most were more concerned about him spending time with the children. Several mentioned wanting him to be a better example and spiritual leader.
Integrity was mentioned by a number of women. A couple specifically mentioned lying, but most said they want him to “do what he says he will” and “finish what he starts”.
Health issues: Weight, smoking, exercise, drinking, and drugs were all concerns.
Sex. Yes, some want better sex. A couple want more, but the bigger issue is showing desire for HER rather than for sex.
Also, when you do have sex, be sure to give her pleasure.
Personal hygiene: Brush, floss, and showering regularly would be appreciated by a number of the ladies.
Stop lusting after other women. Yup, they see you doing it.
Closing in on a third of our year-end donation goal. Can you help?
2024 Year End 28% of 15,000 raised as of 12/20
Help us meet our goal! Be a part of helping marriages by supporting us with your prayers and finances. Thanks, Paul & Lori
Donate with Check or BillPay
Print out our donation form and mail it with your check or money order. Make checks payable to The Marriage Bed. Or skip the form and put “Paul & Lori” in the memo.
Mail to:
Paul & Lori c/o The Marriage Bed, Inc. 4641 Lyons Hill Road Springdale, WA 99173
The best gifts are things that can’t be delivered in a nicely wrapped box. This is where gift certificates come in. That link goes to certificates over on the TMB site that you can personalise and print.
If you know she would like more date nights, give her coupons for that. Specify you need a few days advanced notice. Do the same with other things you know she wants.
But go beyond that.
If you’re not getting laundry in the basket or not taking out the trash is an ongoing issue, give her a laminated certificate good all year for that. Then honour it quickly every time she flashes it. This is really a tool for change. After a while you will know she will flash it, and that will help you avoid getting to the place where she needs to.
You can also give her some grace certificates. A sort of get out of jail free card for something she does that bothers you. And again, this really a tool for change. This time, it will make her think.
If you have the higher sex drive, a few “Get out of sex-free” coupons might be a good idea. You could also give her some “Sex your way” certificates. You might learn something. What’s more, she might on occasion give you one of those coupons instead of saying no. And again, this will make her think.
Include some wild cards, good for pretty much anything reasonable. Also, do some “again” coupons that let her repeat something she has already used up. These will help you see what she really wants.
We did a little poll on Facebook asking wives if they wanted lingerie for Christmas.
Just under half said yes, some was nice, while only 8% said the more, the better. A full quarter said it was okay, but they saw it as a gift for him, not for them. Seventeen percent would rather have a gift certificate so they can pick out what they would like. About ten percent said what he buys is uncomfortable, doesn’t fit, or makes them feel like a thing rather than a person.
Before you decide this poll says most wives would be okay with some Christmas lingerie, please realise the poll audience is a decidedly pro-sex group of Christian women. In a group more representative of women as a whole, I would expect to see more of the negative answers.
Part of the issue is women as a whole tend to feel more defined by their clothes than men do. What she chooses to wear is an expression of how she sees herself, and what you buy her is thus an expression of how you see her. You buy her something because you think she’s sexy, but it may communicate something different and negative to her.
So be careful here. If in doubt, don’t buy lingerie. If you think it is okay, err on the side of too little and not as sexy as you think she can handle. If you want to get something, but have no clue how to shop for it, check out my Buying lingerie without dying of embarrassment article.
Help us meet our goal! Be a part of helping marriages by supporting us with your prayers and finances. Thanks, Paul & Lori
Donate with Check or BillPay
Print out our donation form and mail it with your check or money order. Make checks payable to The Marriage Bed. Or skip the form and put “Paul & Lori” in the memo.
Mail to:
Paul & Lori c/o The Marriage Bed, Inc. 4641 Lyons Hill Road Springdale, WA 99173
Do you presume on your wife during the holiday season?
You presume she will get gifts for the kids? You presume she will wrap gifts you buy? How often do you presume on her time? What about presuming on her good will?
Make a point of asking if she can do what you want her to do for you. Ask early, and if she says no, find another solution.
We’re still working on your year-end giving, and it’s been a slow start! You can give online, or by mail.
Donate with Check or BillPay
Print out our donation form and mail it with your check or money order. Make checks payable to The Marriage Bed. Or skip the form and put “Paul & Lori” in the memo.
Mail to:
Paul & Lori c/o The Marriage Bed, Inc. 4641 Lyons Hill Road Springdale, WA 99173
So yesterday, I told the women on The XY Code to make time to reconnect emotionally, and to also have sex sometime the next few days. And I can hear many of you saying, “If only”.
I sincerely hope you have sex, more than once, between now and 2024. But let me say a few words about why it might not happen, and how to improve your odds.
I told the women to connect first, then to have sex. Most women find it difficult to want or enjoy sex if they’re not feeling connected. So if the two of you haven’t had real conversation or enough non-sexual touching, she’s not likely to be into sex. Stress and busyness are also sex killers for women, and this season is loaded with both of those.
If you can help her with the stress and busyness, and make time to connect fully dressed, she might be more willing to get naked with you. And if that doesn’t happen, be understanding about how the demands of the season damage her ability to be sexual.
