I should have posted this before the end of the year, but I got sick and was not running on all cylinders.
A daily devotional is a great thing for your spiritual life. And doing it with your wife is a great thing for your marriage.
Lori and listen to an audio version of a devotional before we get out of bed each morning. Last year we did Live in Grace, Walk in Love by Bob Goff. This year we are doing New Morning Mercies by Paul David Tripp. I highly recommend both. The Goff one is not a theologically heavy, but it’s still rock solid and will make you think.
Grab one of these, or something else, and catch up this weekend.
New Morning Mercies: A Daily Gospel by Paul David Tripp Kindle | Hardcover | Audio Live in Grace, Walk in Love: A 365-Day Journey by Bob Goff Kindle | Hardcover | Audio
Before you ring out the old year and ring in the new year, is there any offence from 2024 you need to deal with? This is true across the board, but my focus is on your marriage.
I’m not talking about who’s at fault here, because really that’s not the issue. Romans 12:18 tells us:
If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. ~ ESV
I take this to mean God expects us to make an effort, even if we’re not the one who has done wrong. If there are hard feelings, you need to try to resolve them. If there’s unforgiveness, you need to offer forgiveness or ask to be forgiven. If something has become a land mine you both avoid, it’s time to deal with it.
If marriage baggage from this year goes into the New Year, let it be because you tried to work it out, but your wife refused. Only then can you be free of responsibility and right before God.
Still working on our year-end donations. Use the links below, or click here.
2024 Year End 48% of 15,000 raised as of 12/12
Help us meet our goal! Be a part of helping marriages by supporting us with your prayers and finances. Thanks, Paul & Lori
Donate with Check or BillPay
Print out our donation form and mail it with your check or money order. Make checks payable to The Marriage Bed. Or skip the form and put “Paul & Lori” in the memo.
Mail to:
Paul & Lori c/o The Marriage Bed, Inc. 4641 Lyons Hill Road Springdale, WA 99173
“Then the LORD God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.’ … But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, ‘This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.’” [Portions of Gen 2:18-24 ESV]
I doubt God was surprised that Adam was alone and needed someone, and I don’t think God expected Adam to find what he needed among the animals. I think God did what He did, the way He did it, so Adam would realise how much he needed Eve. God made Adam long for a partner, made him really want it, so he would properly appreciate Eve.
Imagine what it was like for Adam. Here was someone who was like him; not like the animals who could not communicate with him, and not like God, who was beyond his understanding. Here was someone with whom he could share his curiosity and wonder, someone who could appreciate the adventure of life. Here was someone Adam could help and protect, and someone who could love and care for him in return. She was similar but different, she had things Adam did not; she filled him out, and she made him more complete. What about sex? I don’t know if Adam had any drive or awareness of sexuality before Eve. But imagine the words of praise he must have had for God after he experienced the great joy and pleasure of becoming physically one with Eve!
So, what about you – have you forgotten how much you wanted a wife? Do you remember the emptiness, the ache of being alone even when you were with people? Do you recall how much you wanted a woman you could call your own who would share life with you?
A couple of years before I got married, when I was deep into wanting to be married, I went with a group of men from my church to an Ed Cole Christian Men’s Network meeting. The meeting was four hours away, and we drove back after it was over Saturday evening. I was in a car with three men who were married, and as it got late they started to discuss how they were going to get home late and tired, and have to get up for church in the morning; and their wives were going to want to talk about the meeting. I listened to them complain about this until I could hold back no longer. I blasted them for not caring about their wives, for missing what Ed had said about how important it was to share their life and their experiences with their wives, and I ended with how much I wished I had a woman waiting at home for me, keeping me awake because she deeply desired to share my life. We then drove in silence for quite a while. I wonder if any of those men went home and gave their wife an extra-long hug and some words of appreciation.
I know your wife isn’t perfect. I know she has failed you. I know she doesn’t meet all your needs, and that she frustrates you at times. Please try to remember when you were single, and why you longed to be married. Don’t focus on the parts that are imperfect; look at all the parts that bless you. Then give your wife an extra-long hug and a few words of appreciation.
Being busy has very little to do with how much there is to do every day. It has everything to do with what is important to us.
Being busy is a choice, and unless we fight it, it’s a choice our society makes for us. And honestly, I find it to be an unbiblical choice!
Was Jesus busy? The knee-jerk reaction is to say yes, but think about how many times He went off alone to pray. Think about when He was told folks were looking for Him, and He didn’t rush to them.
Jesus had a lot of time when He was with just His closest disciples. This was intentional, and important. That extended time with them made them into the men who would change the world by spreading the word. And their testimony was believable because they knew Jesus so well.
What matters in this world is people. Our relationships are where we touch people for God. It’s where we make a difference. If we’re too busy to spend time with those who God puts in our lives, then we’re too busy. I’d go so far as to say we are sinfully busy. Busyness is an idol today, and many who follow Jesus are worshipping at it.
Sure, we all have busy seasons, and often that can’t be avoided. But a season and a lifestyle are not the same thing.
Bottom Line: To a great extent, how busy you are is your choice. How do you think God would have you choose?
Before you ring out the old year and ring in the new year, is there any offence from 2023 you should deal with? This is smart across the board, but my focus is on your marriage.
I’m not talking about who’s at fault here, because really that’s not the issue. Romans 12:18 tells us, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all” [ESV] I take this to mean God expects us to make an effort, even if we’re not the one who has done wrong. If there are hard feelings, you need to try to resolve them. If there’s unforgiveness, you need to offer forgiveness or ask to be forgiven. If something has become a land mine you both avoid, it’s time to deal with it.
If marriage baggage from this year goes into the New Year, let it be because you tried to work it out but your spouse refused. Only then can you be free of responsibility and right before God.
As we close out our year-end giving, I’d like to encourage those of you who have not given to toss five dollars our way. This is more than reaching our goal, we’d like the number of supporters to be in the hundreds! Of course, if you want to make it fifty dollar or five hundred dollar Friday, we won’t be upset.
2023 Year End
You can be a part of us helping marriages by supporting us with your prayers and finances. Thanks, Paul & Lori
Print out our donation form and mail it with your check or money order. Make checks payable to The Marriage Bed. Or skip the form and put “Paul & Lori” in the memo.
Mail to:
Paul & Lori c/o The Marriage Bed, Inc. 4641 Lyons Hill Road Springdale, WA 99173
Please see the year-end giving plea at the bottom!
Do you have a devotional for next year? Yes, I mention this the end of every year. I do that because I think it’s a big deal.
Devotionals are a great way to grow in the Lord, which is a good thing for your life and your marriage. And doing a devotional with your wife is especially good for your marriage. When I say “with” that could mean reading it together, or reading it separately and then discussing it later. My two favourites are Live in Grace, Walk in Love: A 365-Day Journey by Bob Goff and New Morning Mercies: A Daily Gospel Devotional by Paul David Tripp. The Goff choice is an easier and funnier read, but still hits home. The Tripp offering is theologically deeper.
I’ve downloaded Live in Grace, Walk in Love from Audible, and will make it part of my morning routine on my phone. So after I get weather, what’s on my calendar, and a fun fact about this date in history, it will play the devotional for Lori and me to hear.
I strongly urge you to find a devotional for 2024. If you do, and stick with it, you will be a better man in 2025.
GIVING:
This plea is bigger than just Lori and me. Most non-profits rely heavily on year-end giving, and that has gotten a lot less sure the last few years. Please consider the ministries and non-profits that bless you and do good things. Without donations, they have to cut back, and some will die. Lori and I have reached 70% of our goal. We’re not in danger of going hungry, but we really need to hit our goal.
2023 Year End
You can be a part of us helping marriages by supporting us with your prayers and finances. Thanks, Paul & Lori
Print out our donation form and mail it with your check or money order. Make checks payable to The Marriage Bed. Or skip the form and put “Paul & Lori” in the memo.
Mail to:
Paul & Lori c/o The Marriage Bed, Inc. 4641 Lyons Hill Road Springdale, WA 99173
When I originally wrote the sin of busyness series in June of 2012, Lori and I were not yet doing Sabbath – so it didn’t get mentioned. Now I see what an important part of the puzzle Sabbath is.
God created us. He knows how we function, and what hurts our bodies and minds. Six days of work followed by a day of rest is a healthy rhythm. Science has repeatedly shown that regular rest and time away from work make us physically and mentally healthier, results in longer lives, and make us more productive.
Lori and I have been doing a true day of rest on Wednesdays for just over a decade. Neither of us would go back to what we had before, and we’d make some pretty significant sacrifices to be able to have a day of rest.
A cycle of work and rest has so many benefits. It’s far easier to push hard when you know a real rest is coming. A day of rest also forces you to set reasonable goals. A day off recharges both the body and the mind. On Thursdays, I am physically and mentally ready to work. I find my creativity is much better, and I often have good ideas come into my head on my day off.
For us, a day of rest means no income producing work, other than checking comments. It also means no significant physical exertion. We don’t set an alarm that morning. We rest, eat foods we like, and engage in various forms of intimacy. Sometimes there is a time of prayer or working on dealing with injuries from our past. We may do some vision casting and planning.
I understand how impossible it sounds to do what we do. It took us years to go from seeing we needed to do it to actually doing it. My only regret is we didn’t do it decades earlier.
Society will tell you that you can’t afford a day of rest. Both science and the scriptures tell us we can’t afford not to. Choose wisely!
Another look at how Jesus would have us love our wives. I’m going to use a Pauline text for this one, but the idea is certainly found in how Jesus calls us to behave.
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her ~Ephesians 5:25 ESV
The Message drives the point home well, saying:
Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. ~ MSG
I would put it this way: Love sacrifices for the one it loves. This is the hallmark of love. If this is missing, it’s probably not love, and it’s certainly not mature, healthy love.
Of course, there are seasons to this. There are times when one spouse does far more sacrificing. But if that’s the norm, something is wrong. Both husband and wife need to sacrifice regularly.
BTW, when I say sacrifice, I don’t just mean not doing something. I also mean doing something you have no interest in doing because your wife wants it. That means watching a show with her that she really wants you to watch with her. It means rubbing her back when it’s sore, even if you’re exhausted and just want to sleep. It means making time to talk with her when you feel no desire to talk, and actually engaging well. It means letting her choose the restaurant, even though you know it will be one you would never choose. Love says, “I have no interest, but will gladly do that with you because I love you.”
Do you sacrifice for your wife? Do you do it often enough?
2023 Year End
Paul & Lori
