BeBetter - The Generous Husband

Beyond Average: God’s Plan for Your Marriage

by The Generous Husband | Feb 13, 2025 | Change, Good Marriage

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Some folks worry about what’s average, and if they measure up.

Here’s the thing: the average person is overweight and not getting nearly enough exercise. The average Christian is falling short of what Jesus called us to do. The average number of lifetime sexual partners in the US is 10.7. And the average couple is deep in debt, too busy, too stressed, and has a forty percent chance of ending up divorced.

Most of what is average is unhealthy, wrong, and possibly sin. If nothing else, average is setting the bar way, way too low.

God calls us to be in the world, but not of it. What the world sees as average, acceptable, or even good is irrelevant. God calls us to way more. If your marriage isn’t great or moving that way, it’s not what God wants for you. I say that to challenge you, not shame you. An “okay marriage” is not okay with God.

If your marriage isn’t what it should be, what are you going to do about it? Are you willing to put in the effort to be kinder, more generous, and to give more grace? Are you ready to forgive and move on? Are you ready to seek help? We tend to think of getting help as something we do when it’s horrible. The reality is, improving is way easier than fixing.

Don’t be average, be extraordinary!

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Healing Your Marriage: Resolving Conflicts Before the New Year

by The Generous Husband | Dec 30, 2024 | Be a grownup, Faith walk, Good Marriage

Before you ring out the old year and ring in the new year, is there any offence from 2024 you need to deal with? This is true across the board, but my focus is on your marriage.

I’m not talking about who’s at fault here, because really that’s not the issue. Romans 12:18 tells us:

If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. ~ ESV

I take this to mean God expects us to make an effort, even if we’re not the one who has done wrong. If there are hard feelings, you need to try to resolve them. If there’s unforgiveness, you need to offer forgiveness or ask to be forgiven. If something has become a land mine you both avoid, it’s time to deal with it.

If marriage baggage from this year goes into the New Year, let it be because you tried to work it out, but your wife refused. Only then can you be free of responsibility and right before God.

Still working on our year-end donations. Use the links below, or click here.

2024 Year End
48% of 15,000 raised as of 12/12

Help us meet our goal! Be a part of helping marriages by supporting us with your prayers and finances.
Thanks, Paul & Lori

Donate with Check or BillPay

Print out our donation form and mail it with your check or money order. Make checks payable to The Marriage Bed. Or skip the form and put “Paul & Lori” in the memo.

Mail to:

Paul & Lori
c/o The Marriage Bed, Inc.
4641 Lyons Hill Road
Springdale, WA 99173

US donations are tax-deductible

[This post first appeared Dec 30, 2012.]

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How Mental Fatigue Affects Behaviour and Doing Better

by The Generous Husband | Nov 21, 2024 | Do It For Her

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A ran across a study that found mental fatigue can lead to increased aggression and uncooperative behaviour due to changes in the brain’s frontal cortex.

This would explain why I have to work harder to be nice to Lori when I’ve spent hours doing coding. And why she has the same struggle after doing a lot of bookkeeping.

You could see this as proof your aggression and being uncooperative are understandable. Or you can take this as a warning and work to avoid those outcomes. The latter choice is far better for your wife and your marriage.

Learn how much is too much, and stop before you’re no longer willing to keep yourself in check.

Reference: Prolonged exertion of self-control causes increased sleep-like frontal brain activity and changes in aggressivity and punishment

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Improving Your Marriage with Two Simple Words

by The Generous Husband | Oct 7, 2024 | Gratitude, Simple Ideas

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Thank You.

It’s two little words. But it can communicate so much.

Have you become so “comfortable” with your wife that you no longer say thank you for little things?

Say thank you every time it’s appropriate. It’s a little thing that could bring big results.

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Transforming Marriages: Aldrich Ministries Coaching Network

by The Generous Husband | Sep 16, 2024 | Good Marriage

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A while back, I mentioned that Lori and I had joined Aldrich Ministries so we could provide on-line marriage coaching. Today I want to let you know they are now up and running, with nine coaches and counting.

The expanded Aldrich Ministries Coaching Network (AMCN) is the culmination of a 15-year vision to bring together like-minded Christian coaches passionate about supporting couples on their journey to growth and freedom. Our team specializes in marriage, relationship, and personal healing, providing online coaching to clients around the world.
We are committed to helping our clients regain hope, grow in intimacy, and find healing in every area of life.

I’ve had a chance to talk with the other coaches a bit, and it’s an amazing group with a broad range of experience. In addition to marriage coaching, you can get women’s and men’s coaching, story work coaching, unwanted sexual behaviours coaching, and coaching for those who are engaged or seriously dating. And there will be more moving forward.

Coaching is done by Zoom, which works very well. If finances are an issue, there is a sliding scale. You can learn more from the website. If you’re interested, fill out the five-minute Get Started form. Coaches are assigned based on best fit and availability, but if you really want to meet with me, or Lori, or both of us, you probably can.

Coaching can help you make a bad marriage good, or a good marriage great. When Lori and I were struggling all those years ago, a ministry like this could have saved us a lot of aggravation and tears, and cut our healing time by years.

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Why Halfway is Better Than Not at All

by The Generous Husband | Aug 27, 2024 | YOU4HER

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Anything worth doing, is worth doing right.Hunter S Thompson

You have no doubt heard this said. But how about this one:

Anything worth doing, is worth doing poorly. ~ Paraphrase of G.K. Chesterton

That probably hits you the way it hit me. Then I learned what it means. Doing a halfway job is better than not doing it at all. So for example, if I don’t have time to swim three quarters of a mile, doing half a mile is better than not bothering.

I think this should be applied to marriage. Giving your wife half the time she needs with you is better than not giving her any time at all. Doing up some of the dishes is better than not doing any.

Of course, the danger here is getting in the habit of doing a halfway job. Less than all is never best, it’s just better than nothing. If you can’t do it all and do what you can, great. If you could do it all and don’t, that’s bad.

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FF: The Intersection of Margin and Kindness

by The Generous Husband | Mar 22, 2024 | Your Needs

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I once tweeted*, “Ever notice kindness and busyness tend to be mutually exclusive? Are you too busy to be kind?”

Yes, this is another margin thing. Kindness is far easier when you have margin in your life. When you’re rushed, you don’t want to take the time, but when you have time to spare it’s easy to be loving, kind, and generous. This is true at work, in line at the store, in traffic, and in your marriage. Add some margin to your life, and I bet you will find yourself being a nicer person.

* Follow me on twitter (aka X) @themarriagebed

[This post first appeared Aug 08, 2012.]

A post worth reading:

Dr. Corey Carlisle | From insecurity to blessing ◄ Embrace where others are better than you

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Greet Your Wife Like You’ve Been Apart for Days

by The Generous Husband | Mar 11, 2024 | Your Needs

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I spent Friday, Saturday, and much of Sunday at a men’s retreat. When I got home, I’m sure I gave my wife an extra big hug.

What would happen if you greeted your wife like you’d been apart for days every time you reconnected?

A post worth reading:

Dr. Corey Carlisle | Bless your enemies ◄ Christ calls us to a higher standard…

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