I should have posted this before the end of the year, but I got sick and was not running on all cylinders.
A daily devotional is a great thing for your spiritual life. And doing it with your wife is a great thing for your marriage.
Lori and listen to an audio version of a devotional before we get out of bed each morning. Last year we did Live in Grace, Walk in Love by Bob Goff. This year we are doing New Morning Mercies by Paul David Tripp. I highly recommend both. The Goff one is not a theologically heavy, but it’s still rock solid and will make you think.
Grab one of these, or something else, and catch up this weekend.
New Morning Mercies: A Daily Gospel by Paul David Tripp Kindle | Hardcover | Audio Live in Grace, Walk in Love: A 365-Day Journey by Bob Goff Kindle | Hardcover | Audio
Before you ring out the old year and ring in the new year, is there any offence from 2024 you need to deal with? This is true across the board, but my focus is on your marriage.
I’m not talking about who’s at fault here, because really that’s not the issue. Romans 12:18 tells us:
If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. ~ ESV
I take this to mean God expects us to make an effort, even if we’re not the one who has done wrong. If there are hard feelings, you need to try to resolve them. If there’s unforgiveness, you need to offer forgiveness or ask to be forgiven. If something has become a land mine you both avoid, it’s time to deal with it.
If marriage baggage from this year goes into the New Year, let it be because you tried to work it out, but your wife refused. Only then can you be free of responsibility and right before God.
Still working on our year-end donations. Use the links below, or click here.
2024 Year End 48% of 15,000 raised as of 12/12
Help us meet our goal! Be a part of helping marriages by supporting us with your prayers and finances. Thanks, Paul & Lori
Donate with Check or BillPay
Print out our donation form and mail it with your check or money order. Make checks payable to The Marriage Bed. Or skip the form and put “Paul & Lori” in the memo.
Mail to:
Paul & Lori c/o The Marriage Bed, Inc. 4641 Lyons Hill Road Springdale, WA 99173
I have a friend who was born in the US after his Christian parents fled a Muslim country. Yesterday at church, he thanked me for the work I do with marriages. He told me that a happy Christian couple is a strong witness to Muslims.
While the effect would not be as great for other groups, I think a solid, happy marriage is a good witness to everyone.
There are a lot of bad marriages out there, and plenty more that are okay but not happy. Imagine if it became obvious Christian couples tend to be much happier than the norm.
If we all lived what the Bible tells us to do in our marriages, this is exactly what would happen.
Every part of our life is a witness for or against Christ. Those who follow Jesus are on display 24/7.
Getting close to 10% on our year-end giving, and it’s been a slow start! You can give online, or by mail:
Donate with Check or BillPay
Print out our donation form and mail it with your check or money order. Make checks payable to The Marriage Bed. Or skip the form and put “Paul & Lori” in the memo.
Mail to:
Paul & Lori c/o The Marriage Bed, Inc. 4641 Lyons Hill Road Springdale, WA 99173
Speaking of control, have you seen the bumper sticker proclaiming “God is my co-pilot”?
merriam-webster.com defines co-pilot as:
a qualified pilot who assists or relieves the pilot but is not in command
I think that is how many of us think of God; He’s there to assist us, but He. Is. NOT. In. Command. He’s not in control; we’re in control. We like Him, we think He has some good ideas, and we say we trust Him, but our actions say “trust but verify”.
The thing about God is He will let us be in control, if that’s what we want. Even though He knows it will end badly for us, He will let us. Even though He knows it will hurt us, and our spouse, and our marriage, He will let us be in control. This is the one control fight you can “win”, and the one you really need to “lose.”
If you’re not a Doctor Who fan, the blue box in the image is the Doctor’s time travelling spaceship.
When you step into the TARDIS, you’re in for a wild ride and the adventure of your life. Crazy things will happen, and there will be a lot of running. Marriage is like that, isn’t it? When we started, we may or may not have had an idea what was going to happen or what we wanted. And any expectations about those things were quickly swept away by a whole new reality.
The other thing about the TARDIS is that it’s bigger on the inside than the outside. Marriage is this way too. What folks see on the outside is just a hint at what’s going on inside. And only those in the box know what’s really happening.
Marriage is the ultimate adventure. It’s two folks in a box going places together, often without as much control as either would like. If you can embrace the adventure and get over the lack of control, you can have a great time.
BTW, if you’re both following God, then you know He’s in control, which sure helps when it gets really crazy.
Before you ring out the old year and ring in the new year, is there any offence from 2023 you should deal with? This is smart across the board, but my focus is on your marriage.
I’m not talking about who’s at fault here, because really that’s not the issue. Romans 12:18 tells us, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all” [ESV] I take this to mean God expects us to make an effort, even if we’re not the one who has done wrong. If there are hard feelings, you need to try to resolve them. If there’s unforgiveness, you need to offer forgiveness or ask to be forgiven. If something has become a land mine you both avoid, it’s time to deal with it.
If marriage baggage from this year goes into the New Year, let it be because you tried to work it out but your spouse refused. Only then can you be free of responsibility and right before God.
As we close out our year-end giving, I’d like to encourage those of you who have not given to toss five dollars our way. This is more than reaching our goal, we’d like the number of supporters to be in the hundreds! Of course, if you want to make it fifty dollar or five hundred dollar Friday, we won’t be upset.
2023 Year End
You can be a part of us helping marriages by supporting us with your prayers and finances. Thanks, Paul & Lori
Print out our donation form and mail it with your check or money order. Make checks payable to The Marriage Bed. Or skip the form and put “Paul & Lori” in the memo.
Mail to:
Paul & Lori c/o The Marriage Bed, Inc. 4641 Lyons Hill Road Springdale, WA 99173
I didn’t see it at the time, but looking back, it’s clear God was working on me to move me to a healthier lifestyle. The fallout from that has made my marriage and other relationships so much better. It also made much of what was to come much easier. I didn’t know what the next decade held, but God did, and He was preparing me for those things.
God works in our lives. And when we choose to follow His leading, the results can be amazing. Thing is, it’s not usually a lightning strike and booming voice from heaven. It’s been said the Holy Spirit is a gentleman. It’s easy to miss what God is doing, especially when we’re too busy. Are you open to the gentle leading of the Holy Spirit? Do you have prayer times that allow you to be directed? Nothing else will make as much of an impact on your life and your marriage.
As someone said in the comments a few days ago, another source of business is church. This comes in three flavours or a mix of them:
Feeling you have to be at church every time the doors are open. I have a friend who says Jesus did not come that we might “Have meetings and those more abundantly.” I’m all for worship, prayer, fellowship, discipleship, Bible study, small groups, and so on and so forth, but too many programs and meetings is too many no matter how worthy each one may be. When frequent church meetings hurt your family or your marriage, you are NOT in line with God’s Word. Please don’t let anyone guilt you into attending things to which you should say no. You, not those guilting you, will answer to God for how you use your time.
Doing too much ministry. I love to minister, especially when I see God use it to change lives, and honestly it can be addictive. Some minster “too much” out of fear, guilt, pride, or because they are manipulated into it. I’ve known youth minsters who didn’t have time for their own children, and marriage minsters whose marriages were in deep trouble. God is clear we’re neither qualified nor allowed to minister if we lack good relationships with our spouse and children. I’m not saying you have to be perfect to minster, but if there are significant problems, you need to scale back or stop ministry until things get better.
It’s your job. Those of us paid to minster can misjudge the proper priority for ministry because it is both ministry and employment. If you have those two things as, say, fourth and fifth place on your priority list, do not think the two being the same elevates it to third place? It’s still fourth and fifth.
We should minister because we love God, not to prove we love Him. Our relationship with God and our ministry are related, but they’re not the same thing. The fact that God is first does not mean ministry trumps all other activities and responsibilities.
Leaders: PLEASE do not allow your people to do too much church or ministry. I’m not just saying don’t overwork them, I am saying don’t allow them to do too much. We have a responsibly to God for those He places in our care, and if we allow them to do too much, we will answer for it.
Church members: Don’t be guilty of trying to push your pastor and other leaders to do more than they should. Most church members have no idea what a pastor’s life is like, and how much pressure they face. A few stats (from the New York Times – August 1, 2010):
33% of pastors say being in ministry is a hazard to their families.
40% of pastors, and 47% of pastor’s spouses, are suffering from burnout or being excessively busy.
More than half say they would leave the pastorate if they had a good job offer elsewhere.
80% of pastors say they do not have enough time with their spouse.
90% work more than 50 hours a week.
The vast majority of pastors are overworked, underpaid, stressed, and grossly under-appreciated. You can make a difference for your pastor, and your pastor’s family. Fight for your pastor to have enough pay, enough help, and enough off time to have a healthy family life.
2023 Year End
Paul & Lori
