What A Year For Gratitude!

by The Generous Husband | Dec 1, 2020 | Links to good stuff, Year of Gratitude, ZIMAGE

When I decided to focus the blog on gratitude in 2020 I had no idea what the year was going to look like! It was a difficult year to be grateful, but that’s when gratitude is most needed, so it worked out nicely.

Beyond that, if you managed to practice gratitude this year, it should be an easy habit to continue!

If you managed more gratitude this year, how did it work for you? Did you see things you would otherwise have missed? Did it change how you see life or how you react to it? Did it make your life better? Do you think it made you easier to live with? Did it make you a better husband?

If you ignored my first of the month pleas for more gratitude in your life, are you sorry you did so given the year we had? Do you think maybe you should make gratitude a goal for 2021?

Regardless of any of that, sometime today please tell your wife a few of the reasons you are grateful to be married to her!

Speaking of gratitude, I’m very grateful for those who jumped on our year-end giving call. In four days we’ve hit 30% (okay, 29.865%). And yes, you can give by check. I’ve added information on that below.

Gratitude Is A Matter Of Focus

by The Generous Husband | Nov 1, 2020 | Links to good stuff, Seeing Clearly, Year of Gratitude, ZIMAGE

I live in a community of people. We are seven adults and four children sharing ten acres in four homes. And while we don’t have “all things in common” we do share many things. This means when I go out to do a job, I can easily spend twenty minutes gathering the tools I need. Sometimes finding the tools takes longer than the job! And, yes, that’s annoying.

However…

Living in community also means I have access to far more tools than I could ever own myself. It also means I have a helping hand when I need it. And there’s much more that is good about it.

A couple of years ago when I was putting rock over my septic lines, it was getting late and I was exhausted. My son showed up and pitched in. A few minutes later his brother-in-law came up with a shovel and joined us. I never asked, they just saw the need. When the brother-in-law’s septic system went bad at 10 PM on a cold snowy night I showed up with a flashlight and a shovel without being asked. When one of the kids went missing we had a big group of people to go looking. (He was fine, the dog was with him and kept him safe.) When my two-year-old grandson decided to get into his plastic pedal car through the window and got stuck, I was here to help pry the car apart. (The car is now a convertible.) When my water line froze up I had a place to shower and do laundry and dishes until it thawed. Around here borrowing a cup of sugar or whatever is a real thing.

I could list plenty of negatives about living in community, but as you can see I can also list a great many positives. Most things in life are a mix of good and bad and marriage is certainly this way. How we feel about things is often as simple as where we put our focus. Do we dwell on having to look for tools or do we think about all the ways we’ve been helped and have been able to help?

A post worth reading:

Dr. Corey Carlisle | Inconveniences of community ◄ Perfect fit for this post!

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The Growth Trap

by The Generous Husband | Oct 1, 2020 | Links to good stuff, Words of Affirmation, Year of Gratitude, ZIMAGE

I heard Morgan Snyder, of Wild at Heart, say he and his wife are very growth-minded about their lives and their marriage. I’m right there with him, as you no doubt know if you’ve been reading me very long.

Morgan also identified a potential problem that can come from being growth-minded. He called it the growth trap. We can become so focused on always doing better than we don’t see the improvements we’ve already made. Even worse, we can be so focused on our wife doing better that we miss the improvements she has made.

This is a great thought and a perfect fit with the Year of Gratitude I’ve been doing in 2020. I’m all for growth and I’m all for trying to motivate your wife to grow, but don’t be blind to previous changes. This is particularly important if your wife is a Words of Affirmation lady.

Seeing and appreciating the growth she has done is an important part of motivating her to grow more. Failing to praise her for the changes she has made motivates her to give up. Which of those sounds like a good idea to you?

A post worth reading:

Marc and Angel Hack Life | Asking the Right Questions is the Answer: 10 Things We Forget About Our Own Ignorance ◄ I’d call this a must-read!

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Gratitude For Stalled Progress

by The Generous Husband | Aug 31, 2020 | Links to good stuff, Year of Gratitude, ZIMAGE

The picture here is of the addition we’re putting on. There should be a subfloor down and walls going up. But the cost of lumber, including the subfloor, has almost tripled in the last 30 days. And that’s if you can get it! The guy at the lumber place says that in October prices will drop and availability will increase. So I’m waiting till then.

Still, I’m thankful for the progress we have made. I’m thankful we have a roof so I can do the floor and walls when it’s cold and there will be snow on the ground. I’m also thankful for a wife who gets it and agrees it’s worth waiting a couple of months to save a good deal of money. Neither of us is happy about the delay, but were on the same page about it.

Even when things don’t go our way, there are reasons to be grateful!

#CouplesQuestion: Kindness is the theme of the day. How do you live that out?

A post worth reading:

Knowing Her Sexually | Why Expressing Gratitude Might Help Your Sex Life ◄ And speaking of gratitude…

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An Attitude Of Gratitude

by The Generous Husband | Aug 1, 2020 | Year of Gratitude, ZIMAGE

From a medical standpoint, I’ve had a rough twelve months: a stroke, removal of more than a dozen lipomas, a hernia, diagnosed with polycythemia vera, and finally an ulcer. Then there are other things like auto breakdowns, helping our daughter-in-law with her health issues (driving her into town twice a week and helping with the grandkids) and the whole Covid-19 thing.

And you know what? Despite all of that and more, I’m feeling very grateful for the wonderful life I have, the fantastic people in my life, and the beautiful place where I live.

I choose to look at the good things. And not just look at them, I focus on them.

I realise part of this is my personality (I’m an optimist) and part of it is years of habit. So at this point, this is natural for me, with little effort required. But an attitude of gratitude is a choice anyone can make. At first, it takes a lot of effort and you will fail sometimes. My suggestion is to make a point of looking for good thing each time you catch yourself focusing on the bad stuff. With practice, it will get easier and may even become second nature.

Keeping a gratitude journal is another great way to develop this habit.

Photo by Debby Hudson on Unsplash
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Gratitude Even When Life’s Difficult

by The Generous Husband | Jul 1, 2020 | Links to good stuff, Year of Gratitude, ZIMAGE

So I’ve been spending a lot of time at a cancer clinic the last few weeks. My personal best is three times in a week, which makes me a slacker compared to the others.

I have noticed the patients are friendly, upbeat, and very courteous. I hear a whole lot of “thank you” and other expressions of gratitude. Last week they were slow and the nurse doing my phlebotomy sat with me the whole time. I shared my observation about the patients and she said there are rare exceptions, but the vast majority are as I said.

Understand these folks have plenty to complain about. Many are there for chemo two to four hours three or five days a week. They have all kinds of side effects including lost hair, loss of taste and appetite, digestive issues, loss of feeling in the hands and feet, and more. Some will recover, some will do this the rest of their life, and some will die. And many are not sure which category they’re in.

And lest you think this is just gratitude for folks working to save their lives, most people come with a spouse or adult child and the kindness and gratitude extends to those helpers as well.

If these folk can express gratitude given what they are dealing with, what excuse do the rest of us have?

A post worth reading:

PsyPost | Gratitude predicts greater sexual communal strength in romantic couples ◄ “New psychology research indicates that gratitude motivates people to meet the sexual needs of their romantic partners.” – See, I told you so!

Photo by National Cancer Institute on Unsplash
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Gratitude When You Asked

by The Generous Husband | Jun 1, 2020 | Communication, Gratitude, Links to good stuff, Year of Gratitude, ZIMAGE

Do you express thanks for the things your wife does or gives you when you ask for them? Or do you figure since you had to ask thanks isn’t necessary? I realise we don’t consciously think this, but I suspect a lot of us act that way.

One common form of this is not being as grateful as we should be for the sex we get when we ask for sex. It’s like it doesn’t count, or it’s less valuable because she didn’t know we wanted it and offer it before we asked. And really, isn’t that silly?

#Couples Question: What discourages you? What encourages you?

A post worth reading:

Dr. Corey Carlisle | Living gratitude ◄ Speaking of gratitude.

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Complaining Rewires Your Brain

by The Generous Husband | May 1, 2020 | Links to good stuff, Seeing Clearly, Year of Gratitude, ZIMAGE

The first of every month this year I’m talking about the benefits of practising gratitude. Today I want to do that by showing the bad things that come from complaining.

One of the problems with complaining is that it makes us feel we’ve done something about the issue. This makes us less likely to actually do anything that has a chance of changing the issue. Most people either complain or do something helpful, not both.

Another problem is we don’t usually complain to anyone who might be able to make a change. According to Guy Winch, PhD the author of The Squeaky Wheel, research finds that “95% of consumers who have a problem with a product don’t complain to the company, but they will tell their tale to eight to 16 people.” A complaint to the company might result in change, but venting to our friends won’t. It’s the same when we complain to a friend about our wife rather than talking to her about the issue.

We tend to call complaining “venting” and think it somehow makes us feel better. In reality, all it does is get us wound up again. Venting leaves us worse off. We may feel good temporarily because we think we’ve done something, but we’ve done nothing constructive and the good feeling that comes from venting is short-lived. The truth is complaining makes us mad. It increases our blood pressure and does other harmful things to our bodies.

Look, I’m a long time complainer, so I get it. But the more I learn, the more I realise it’s a habit that’s bad for me and for those around me. I want to do better for myself and for others. And I think gratitude is the solution.

A post worth reading:

Corey Carlisle | Own your choices ◄ It’s the mature way to go.

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