Sharing Life - The Generous Husband

Freedom in Marriage: God vs. What Others Think

by The Generous Husband | Feb 20, 2025 | Sharing Life

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I trust God will understand. I’m not so sure about the neighbors. ~ Papa to Yentl

It’s been over forty years since I saw the movie, but I still remember this line clearly. Yentl’s father teaches the Talmud to the boys in his small Polish town. At that time, Judaism forbade teaching the Talmud to women. But behind locked doors and closed curtains, Papa teaches it to Yentl. The quote above is how Papa answers when Yentl asks why he is careful no one sees him teaching her.

The Bible talks about the weaker brother, and admonishes us to refrain from behaviour that would offend those weaker in their faith, even if the action is not sin. But what we do in the privacy of our homes and marriages is not seen by the weaker brothers and sisters, and we are free to do anything that is acceptable to God.

This applies to what we eat and drink, how we raise our children, and what we do sexually. But while God will understand, some of your Christian neighbours may not. Be careful lest you offered those of weaker faith.

So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the one who does not condemn himself by what he approves. ~ Romans 14:22 NIV

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Share a Devotional: Grow Closer to God and Each Other

by The Generous Husband | Jan 3, 2025 | Faith walk, Good Marriage, Sharing Life

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I should have posted this before the end of the year, but I got sick and was not running on all cylinders.

A daily devotional is a great thing for your spiritual life. And doing it with your wife is a great thing for your marriage.

Lori and listen to an audio version of a devotional before we get out of bed each morning. Last year we did Live in Grace, Walk in Love by Bob Goff. This year we are doing New Morning Mercies by Paul David Tripp. I highly recommend both. The Goff one is not a theologically heavy, but it’s still rock solid and will make you think.

Grab one of these, or something else, and catch up this weekend.

New Morning Mercies: A Daily Gospel by Paul David Tripp Kindle | Hardcover | Audio
Live in Grace, Walk in Love: A 365-Day Journey by Bob Goff Kindle | Hardcover | Audio

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Fall into a Better Marriage: Tips For Autumn Loving

by The Generous Husband | Sep 6, 2024 | Friday Flashback, Quality Time, Sharing Life

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The kids are back in school, Labor Day has passed in the USofA, garden produce is ready to harvest, hunting season is approaching, and the NFL regular season starts this week. So, while fall officially starts on September 22nd, most of us are already moving into our fall routines.

Have you made a place for your marriage this fall? Have you made time to keep it healthy, and time to grow it?

Make time for dates.
Commit to talking – just talking – several times a week.
Look for a marriage class to attend together.
Look for a marriage retreat (and help work out the details to make it happen).
Read a marriage book together (see resources at the top of the page for some great books).
Make time for regular sex.
Find a couple with a strong marriage and spend time with them regularly.

As with everything in life, you must intentionally work on your marriage to keep it healthy, and work even more to make it better. You are both worth it – make your marriage stronger!

Note: I know I have a number of readers in South Africa, Australia, and other places where spring is just around the corner – same advice, just a different season.

[This post first appeared Sept 04, 2012.]

Image Credit: © Photo by Takahiro Sakamoto on Unsplash | stock.adobe.com
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Devotional for a New Year: Embrace Spiritual Growth and Strengthen Your Marriage

by The Generous Husband | Dec 26, 2023 | Aff Link, Apply the Bible, Big Deal Post, Sharing Life, ZIMAGE

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Please see the year-end giving plea at the bottom!

Do you have a devotional for next year? Yes, I mention this the end of every year. I do that because I think it’s a big deal.

Devotionals are a great way to grow in the Lord, which is a good thing for your life and your marriage. And doing a devotional with your wife is especially good for your marriage. When I say “with” that could mean reading it together, or reading it separately and then discussing it later. My two favourites are Live in Grace, Walk in Love: A 365-Day Journey by Bob Goff and New Morning Mercies: A Daily Gospel Devotional by Paul David Tripp. The Goff choice is an easier and funnier read, but still hits home. The Tripp offering is theologically deeper.

I’ve downloaded Live in Grace, Walk in Love from Audible, and will make it part of my morning routine on my phone. So after I get weather, what’s on my calendar, and a fun fact about this date in history, it will play the devotional for Lori and me to hear.

I strongly urge you to find a devotional for 2024. If you do, and stick with it, you will be a better man in 2025.

GIVING:

This plea is bigger than just Lori and me. Most non-profits rely heavily on year-end giving, and that has gotten a lot less sure the last few years. Please consider the ministries and non-profits that bless you and do good things. Without donations, they have to cut back, and some will die.
Lori and I have reached 70% of our goal. We’re not in danger of going hungry, but we really need to hit our goal.

2023 Year End

You can be a part of us helping marriages by supporting us with your prayers and finances. Thanks, Paul & Lori

Give with a Credit Card or PayPal:

Donate with Check or Bill Pay

Print out our donation form and mail it with your check or money order. Make checks payable to The Marriage Bed. Or skip the form and put “Paul & Lori” in the memo.

Mail to:

Paul & Lori
c/o The Marriage Bed, Inc.
4641 Lyons Hill Road
Springdale, WA 99173

US donations are tax-deductible

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Embrace Your Spouse’s Dreams to Deepen Your Marriage

by The Generous Husband | Nov 9, 2023 | Audio, Her Needs, Sharing Life, Your Needs, ZIMAGE

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The meal shown here is the result of a long-term dream and a great deal of effort.

I dispatched the quail, while Lori went foraging for chanterelle mushrooms. The thyme came from our garden, and while those potatoes were store bought, we have grown our own and will do a great many of them next year.

I’ve always loved to garden, as has Lori. But a few years ago, Lori got serious about gowning our own food. We’ve put a good deal of time into building infrastructure – raised beds, a hoop house, and palaces for chickens and quail. And tilling and weeding a whole lot of grassy areas into places to plan crops! We’re growing sunflower seeds and amaranth for bird feed, and we’re selling enough quail eggs to pay for their food beyond what we grow. We just moved our first batch of quail from our own eggs out of the brooder, and last week we had chicken soup made from a “retired” egg laying hen.

This dream of Lori’s has become our dream. We enjoy planning and doing it together, and the feeling of eating a meal that is mostly from our land is amazing. Doing this as a couple has drawn us closer together.

On my own, I would never have taken food production as far as we have gone. But it was not something I was opposed to, and I saw how much Lori wanted to do it, so I jumped on board. She has done the same with my dreams in the past – most notably driving around the country in an RV.

A great marriage is one where the couple shares things. They develop common dreams and goals, and enjoy fulfilling them together. It doesn’t matter who has the dream originally, as long as you can both embrace it.

Note: You can see some of our garden in the image on my The Blessing of Living in Community post. That’s just a fraction of it.

Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly
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Improve Your Sex Life By Sharing New Experiences

by The Generous Husband | Jul 29, 2023 | Aff Link, Big Deal Post, Sexuality, Sharing Life, ZIMAGE

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Last week, I pointed to a study on how self-expansion can improve sex for a couple. Today I want to dig into that concept.

Self-expansion theory says that when we spend time with people we like, we become more like them. Our relationships change and shape our identities and perspectives. And these changes are a good thing. People who expand and grow throughout their lives are more satisfied with their lives. We crave self-expansion, and we like those who offer us a chance to do it.

As you might guess, a desire for self-expansion can be at the root of an affair. The excitement of being with the other person includes that they are different and as such give us a chance for self-expansion. The self-expansion might well be the cause of an affair, because of how it makes us feel about the other person draws us to them.

Both as a protective measure and to improve your marriage, you want to offer your wife the chance for self-expansion. To do that you have to learn, share, and do new things as a couple.

So yeah, self-expansion makes for being happier with our lives and our spouses. But it goes even further. When a couple engages in self-expression together, it causes them to feel closer, and that creates greater sexual desire for each other. Coupes who self-expand together desire each other more, and enjoy sex more. One study found that greater self-expansion lead to an increase in drive for women who have been diagnosed with clinically low sexual desire.

If this sounds like a lot of work you just can’t fit into your schedule, fear not. One study found that it only took ninety minutes a week doing new things to have the desired effect. What you do is up to you. Starting a garden together would work. You could start going to a comedy club from time to time, learn a language together, take dance lessons, or take up hiking. You could try reading together a book unlike what you usually read, or doing an in-depth study of some biblical concept. Making new friends, as a couple, or working together at a non-profit would also be good. And of course sex itself can lead to self-expression.

Further reading:

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Embracing Her Otherness: Celebrating Differences in Marriage

by The Generous Husband | Jul 20, 2023 | Audio, Sharing Life, ZIMAGE

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I was skimming an otherwise forgettable article about marriage recently, that had one comment I really liked. It talked about acknowledging our spouse’s “otherness”. Apparently, otherness is a fairly new concept. It is defined as seeing how your spouse is different, and seeing that in a new light.

I find the idea of otherness very interesting. There are so many ways Lori and I are different. There are the obvious things based on gender and the fact that she’s an introvert while I am an ambivert. But there is so much more. She is a unique person with a depth that means I am still learning things about her. Rather than being annoyed at these things, I am thrilled to learn something new about her. Each thing I learn means I know her a bit better, and that causes me to love her all the more.

So yes, please acknowledge your wife’s otherness. But go beyond that and celebrate it! Look for ways she is different, and be excited when you find them.

A post worth reading:

Psychology Today. | The One Step Couples Can Take to Increase Their Sex Drive ◄ Self-expansion via closeness and otherness result in greater sexual desire.

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Marriage: It’s Time to Thrive, Not Just Survive

by The Generous Husband | Jul 18, 2023 | Audio, Sharing Life, ZIMAGE

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One of the worship songs we regularly sing at church is Casting Crowns’ “Thrive“.

The last time we sang it, I realised a couple of the lines are what I keep suggesting here:

It’s time for us to more than just survive
We were made to thrive

I know folks who are surviving their marriage, and it seems miserable to me. Sure, marriage can be hard work at times, but it can be, and should be, one of the greatest blessing in life. Frankly, the return on investment is huge!

When your marriage is thriving, your life is good. Even when bad things happen, you manage because your loving, supportive wife is by your side. She makes the bad times less bad. She also makes the good things far better.

God didn’t mean for you to survive your marriage, He created marriage so we could thrive! If that’s not what you’re living, find a way to love and bless your wife better, and watch for her to start doing the same for you!

Image Credit: © Hadleigh Baptist Church
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