Are you tired of hearing about date night? I don’t mention it as often as I should, but it’s all over the place, like it’s some magic solution to every marriage problem there is.
Date night is not all that, but it is an important part of a healthy marriage. Date night, or date day for that matter, gives the two of you time to connect, talk, and enjoy things together. It gives her a break and allows her to relax. It reconnects her to you emotionally. While all of that is good, the most significant aspect of date night is it tells her you value her enough to spend some of your most limited resource on her.
Be it a nighttime or daytime thing, weekly, or a couple of times a month, a big deal or simple, expensive or cheap, please make time for regular dates. You really don’t want to send her the message you’re too busy for her!
Another of ChatGPT’s suggested article topics for making a heterosexual man a better husband was “How to Keep the Romance Alive in Your Marriage”.
I may not write about this often enough. While I’m a natural romantic, Lori has virtually no interest. Once, when she went to a woman’s retreat, I arranged for a rose to be left on her pillow. The rest of the ladies in her room nearly swooned; she thought it was “nice”. I still do romantic things for her, but I focus more on what makes her feel loved.
I have said being romantic is about showing her you think of her when she is not with you. So flowers when you are apart, or buying something you see because you know she would love it. What you do while you are together can also be romantic, such as asking her to join you to watch the sunset, gaze at the stars, or take a walk. Planning a surprise date or weekend away is a big hit with some women. And don’t forget loving words, be it a card, Post-It notes, or writing a message on the bathroom mirror with dry-erase markers.
Touch can also be romantic. From holding hands to passionate kissing to slow sex. Making date night a commitment will also earn you romance points.
Finally, romance is not a magic fix for when you have offended or wronged your wife. When you mess up, deal with it face on. Save romance for when things are going well, and you want to let her know you love her.
Love letters are great, but it’s not like you can or should do them all the time. But little notes of love you can do daily, if you choose.
Post-it notes are great for this, and the heart shaped one are especially good. Write a few words, put it where your wife will see it, and repeat regularly.
A post worth reading:
Dr. Corey Carlisle | Be unshakeable ◄ How well do you manage your emotions?
Make a few minutes to sit and talk with your wife tomorrow night after everything is done and the kids are in bed (not sleeping).
Sit and watch the fire, the tree, or a candle while you sip your favourite hot beverage, snuggle up, and share the moment. Share memories of Christmas past, both from your time together and your childhoods. Say a prayer for the morning, for all you have to do Christmas Day, and that the reason for the day will not be lost in the craziness of the day.
Donation Update – 55%! : So a lot of you found the link at the bottom of every email and gave that way. Many thanks for your persistence! I ran the numbers today and we have hit 55% of our goal. So much better than a feared. Please keep it coming!
We had a wife tell us her husband’s recent gift was the best he’d ever given her.
When her father died a few years ago, she and her three siblings divided things up as you do. One of the things she most wanted was a picture painted by her aunt that she had enjoyed as a child. But the luck of the draw went against her and a brother got it.
So for her birthday, her husband decided he would get a high-quality copy made for her. When he went to chase it down, he learned the brother had not really wanted it and it was in storage at a different brother’s house. So hubby confirmed neither of them wanted it and drove a couple of towns over to pick it up. He hung it up on their wall and just let her see it when she got home.
His gift showed that he knew how much she wanted the picture. His efforts showed he loved her enough to make it happen. And every time she sees that painting she will think of what he did for her.
Opportunities like this don’t come up often, but if you’re looking for them you will find them from time to time.
Many women enjoy a picnic with their guy. This is especially true if he does all the preparation. It’s quality time, acts of service, and romance all rolled into one.
You don’t have to drive out to the country. A rooftop or the balcony of your apartment will work too. Even a large empty parking lot would work, especially if you time it for sunset.
#Couple’sQuestion: What characteristic do you most love about your spouse? (Share an example.)
Romance novels are a one billion dollar a year industry and account for a third of all trade fiction books published. Such novels have nothing to do with reality, but their wild popularity can tell us something about female sexuality.
Let me give you the outline of an average romance novel:
Fabian and Alexandra are thrown together by fate. She knows she shouldn’t approve of him, but his charm and rugged good looks get to her. He spends a great deal of time and energy romancing her. Poetry, songs, acts of extravagance, and so on. Once he has captured her heart, he starts seducing her sexually. But it’s subtle as he slowly fans a spark of sexual desire into a raging fire. Then when she offers herself to him, he declines. He doesn’t want to take advantage of her or risk that her heat of the moment passion will carry her past what she is comfortable with. When her lust can no longer be denied they consummate. This might be described with euphemisms such as “the hardness of his thighs”, “throbbing manhood”, “the centre of her being”, “obeying an instance she didn’t know she had” and “sweet release”. Some books will use a lot of four-letter words instead, but both versions will be light on descriptions of the physical and heavy on thoughts and emotions.
So why does this appeal to women so much? Because it hits what matters to them. The romance novel man cares about the women’s feelings. He controls his substantial sexual desire to give her time to be ready. He romances her mind before he goes after her body. When he gets to her body he goes slow. He doesn’t take the first glimmer of arousal as an indication he can penetrate her. Throughout the process, her heart and mind remain his top concern.
Romance novels are read by women who’ve never had sex, widows who have been sexless for decades, and by those who have refused their husbands sex for years. This shows us women are not as non-sexual as we sometimes think. But they don’t feel about or approach sex the way we do. They don’t feel an ache in their genitals because it’s been three days. For a woman, the path to sex goes through the heart and mind.
I’m not suggesting you try to copy what happens in a romance novel. But if you learn from the well-travelled path to sex shown by romance authors, you may find sex easier, more frequent, and far better for her.
A post worth reading:
Dr. Corey | Fully present ◄ “Can we hang out, have a conversation, and even make love while being fully present in that moment and without our minds constantly looking for the next exciting thing to focus on?“
