Quality Time - The Generous Husband

FF: Two Dates a Month

by The Generous Husband | Nov 22, 2024 | Friday Flashback, Quality Time

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How long has it been since you had a date with your bride?

A lot of marriage experts advocate a weekly date night. If you can do that, great, but for many cost (including babysitting) and time make weekly difficult. So, while more is better, twice a month is enough to get the necessary effect.

Lori and I go into town for “provisions” every-other week. We tack our date onto shopping day, saving us money on gas and saving drive time. Some can’t mix a date with shopping (and some couples shouldn’t shop together period!), so do what works for you.

There are a number of ways of making dates less expensive:

Swap babysitting with another couple; they get your kids every other week, you get theirs the other half the time. Once in a while, do it on a Friday and keep the kids overnight.
Use loyalty cards. Lori and I eat primarily at two places, each of which allows us to earn free meals. Likewise for movies, get a loyalty card and use it.
Use coupons whenever possible. Many of the big chains do coupons by email.
If you can swing half a weekday off, you can save by eating lunch instead of dinner, and getting lower prices for movies and other things with an admission cost.
Do your dates at home, and save for a nice evening out when you have enough.

[This post first appeared Oct 2, 2012.]

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An Annual Couple’s Vacation is Crucial for a Healthy Marriage

by The Generous Husband | Nov 15, 2024 | Friday Flashback, Good Marriage, Quality Time

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I’ve mentioned the importance of a couple’s vacation before. And I will do so again.

I know you’ve a long list of reasons you can’t possibly do it. I can only counter with this: doing it is very good for your marriage. You need a chance to get away together and be a couple. You need to do this away from friends, and you especially need to do it away from family, including children. Getting away together lets you remember how things used to be. That can help you put some of what you’ve lost back into your marriage when you return from vacation. A low stress, non-busy vacation will greatly reduce your stress level, which is good for your marriage. A vacation gives you a chance to clear the air, and to dream about the future. A vacation also allows you to do things together and build shared experiences.

Find a way to get a couple vacation each year. Talk friends and family into taking the kids. Go somewhere you can drive. Get a low-cost motel. Pack your meals. Give something up so you can save the necessary money. Do.Whatever.It.Takes.

[This post first appeared Oct 1, 2012.]

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Fall into a Better Marriage: Tips For Autumn Loving

by The Generous Husband | Sep 6, 2024 | Friday Flashback, Quality Time, Sharing Life

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The kids are back in school, Labor Day has passed in the USofA, garden produce is ready to harvest, hunting season is approaching, and the NFL regular season starts this week. So, while fall officially starts on September 22nd, most of us are already moving into our fall routines.

Have you made a place for your marriage this fall? Have you made time to keep it healthy, and time to grow it?

Make time for dates.
Commit to talking – just talking – several times a week.
Look for a marriage class to attend together.
Look for a marriage retreat (and help work out the details to make it happen).
Read a marriage book together (see resources at the top of the page for some great books).
Make time for regular sex.
Find a couple with a strong marriage and spend time with them regularly.

As with everything in life, you must intentionally work on your marriage to keep it healthy, and work even more to make it better. You are both worth it – make your marriage stronger!

Note: I know I have a number of readers in South Africa, Australia, and other places where spring is just around the corner – same advice, just a different season.

[This post first appeared Sept 04, 2012.]

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FF: Start An Out of Town Fund

by The Generous Husband | Mar 1, 2024 | Audio, Friday Flashback, Links to good stuff, Money, Quality Time, ZIMAGE

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The last few days, Lori and I have been on a mini vacation. Because of Dave Ramsey, this is the shortest and lowest cost vacation we’ve had in a very long time. But it’s still a much-needed break – especially since we each just finished a total revamp of a website (mine for the day job, hers as a way of giving to a ministry we support).

I’m a big believer in the need to get away together. Even if you have to beg family and friends to take the kids, pack an ice chest, and drive 50 miles, you need to get away as a couple. If it seems you can never find the money for a vacation, start a get-out-of-town fund. Figure out what you would need for a few days, and divide by 52 (weeks in a year) or however often you want to get away, and start saving. Get a glass jar, and put in the necessary money each week, no matter what. Don’t raid the jar for anything short of life or death medical events or impending foreclosure or eviction. As you save, talk about where you will go and what you will do together.

You can get to a vacation faster, or get a better buy for your money, by keeping an eye on websites that offer deals on hotels. If you can get time off mid-week, you can usually get better rates on flying, rental cars, and hotels. Weekdays may also be easier if your kids are in school.

If you drop the cost of a fancy coffee into the jar every other day, you’ll have enough for a decent three-night trip in far less than a year.

[This post first appeared Aug 03, 2012.]

A post worth reading:

Dr. Corey Carlisle | Emotional hibernation ◄ A good tool, if not overused.

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Making Christmas Eve with Your Wife Special

by The Generous Husband | Dec 22, 2023 | Audio, Quality Time, ZIMAGE

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Make room for a few minutes of quiet one-on-one time with your wife before bed on Christmas Eve. Ideally, make it the last thing you do, and it very much needs to happen after the kids are in bed.

Sit by the tree, the fire, or a window overlooking the world under a blanket of snow, and snuggle up together with a cup of tea or hot chocolate. Share thoughts of Christmas’ past, both when you were together as a couple and when you were growing up. Tell her what a wonderful gift she has been to you. Let the quiet and the memories wrap around you in warmth.

Plan now, to make sure it happens. And take care of the drinks and any snacks so she doesn’t have to.

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Making Memories with the Grandkids and Applying it to Your Marriage

by The Generous Husband | Dec 19, 2023 | Aff Link, DateNight, Quality Time, ZIMAGE

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So Sunday night we took our grandsons out for the annual meal and look at Christmas lights event. This year we added their cousin. So we had three boys from five to ten for an hour plus drive both ways, plus an hour in a restaurant. Yes, we’re crazy.

It’s not something either of us was just dying to do. We’d much rather have had a peaceful meal together and then drive around to look at the lights without constant noise. But we love our grandkids. We also love their parents, who got four hours without them. We’re building memories and relationships, and because we’ve come to understand how important that is, we’re very intentional about it.

The same dynamic should be an intentional part of how you love your wife. You need to build good memories together, and you need to engage in activities together. Sometimes you will be all about those activities, and other times you will do something you have no desire to do because your wife wants to do it. A marriage can’t be strong and healthy without this kind of sacrifice from time to time.

Often we avoid doing things we don’t want to do by telling ourselves we’re too busy. But that’s a self-serving lie that only hurts those around us. Making time for what your wife wants to do with you is making time for a good marriage. Not making time for those things is telling her you don’t care about her very much.

It’s not too late to schedule a date to look at Christmas lights. If you don’t want to do a meal out too, stop for pie and coffee after, or take a thermos of hot chocolate. You should be able to find good lightseeing locations by Googling “Christmas lights in my area“.

Donations continue to come in. But we are still short by a good deal. Can you help?

2023 Year End

You can be a part of us helping marriages by supporting us with your prayers and finances. Thanks, Paul & Lori

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Print out our donation form and mail it with your check or money order. Make checks payable to The Marriage Bed. Or skip the form and put “Paul & Lori” in the memo.

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Last-Minute Christmas Gift Ideas for Your Wife

by The Generous Husband | Dec 18, 2023 | Acts of Service, Aff Link, Gifts, Her Needs, Quality Time, ZIMAGE

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Running out of time to get your wife a gift? Have no idea what to get her? Want to get her something that you can’t put in a box and wrap? We have you covered.

I mentioned our printable Christmas Gift Certificates in passing, but I want to highlight them today. I’m sure your wife wants something in the way of Acts of Service from you or Quality Time with you. A gift certificate is a great way to give those things. Be specific, or leave it open-ended.

A couple of ideas to make it ever better. Give her one or more that allow her to repeat any certificate. This helps you see what she most wants. Or give her an hour of your time, with no limits other than being sane and not costing too much.

This year, give yourself!

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Friday Flashback: Why Date Night Matters (Even If You’re Sick of Hearing About It)

by The Generous Husband | Jul 21, 2023 | Audio, Her Needs, Quality Time, Romance, ZIMAGE

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Are you tired of hearing about date night? I don’t mention it as often as I should, but it’s all over the place, like it’s some magic solution to every marriage problem there is.

Date night is not all that, but it is an important part of a healthy marriage. Date night, or date day for that matter, gives the two of you time to connect, talk, and enjoy things together. It gives her a break and allows her to relax. It reconnects her to you emotionally. While all of that is good, the most significant aspect of date night is it tells her you value her enough to spend some of your most limited resource on her.

Be it a nighttime or daytime thing, weekly, or a couple of times a month, a big deal or simple, expensive or cheap, please make time for regular dates. You really don’t want to send her the message you’re too busy for her!

[This post first appeared May 25, 2012.]

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