Friday Flashback: Sexual Satisfaction Goes Up Over Time!

by | Aug 27, 2021 | Big Deal Post, Friday Flashback, Poll Says, Sexuality, ZIMAGE

An Indiana University study on sexual satisfaction and relationship happiness has an interesting study population and some very interesting findings.

The study looked at 1009 couples who had been together an average of 25 years. The men were age 40-70, the women age 25 to 76 (median age 55 for the men, 52 for the women). The couples were from Brazil, Germany, Japan, Spain, and the United States. This study looked at couples rather than individuals – an obvious way to study sex and relationships that has been largely ignored by researchers. Because this study looks at couples, it is more relevant to you and me than most sex studies.

Graph showing sexual satisfaction increasing over time

Some of the results:

  • Frequent cuddling and kissing increased the odds of relational happiness for both men and women, but more so for men than for women.
  • The longer a couple is together, the more likely it is the man is happy.
  • For women length of the relationship reduces the odds of being happy for the first 15 years, then levelled out, and began increasing after 20 years.
  • The more sex a couple had, the more likely each was to be happy, with any increase in sex increasing the odds of being happy in the relationship. This was true for men and women, and only slightly more so for men.
  • The more importance a man put on the woman’s orgasm, the more likely he was to be sexually satisfied.
  • More frequent kissing and cuddling improved the odds of both men and women being sexually satisfied. In women, this doubled the odds of being sexually satisfied.
  • Frequent sexual caressing significantly raised the odds that a woman was sexually satisfied.
  • For both men and women, more frequent sex meant a better chance of sexual satisfaction.
  • More lifetime sex partners slightly reduced the chance of being sexually satisfied for both men and women.
  • The length of a relationship had a positive effect on the odds of being sexually satisfied for both men and women, but this was much more significant in women.  At the start of the relationship, women are far more likely to be sexually unsatisfied. This gap closes for the first fifteen years of the relationship. For the next fifteen years, the odds of being sexually satisfied are about the same for men and women. At 30 years, the gap appears again, but with the woman being more likely to be satisfied than the man is.
  • A woman’s chances of being sexually satisfied go up every year she is in the relationship. The increase is significant over the first 15-20 years and continues at a lower rate for the duration of the relationship.

I would like to draw a few points from this data:

Women:

It is common for female sexual satisfaction to be low early in a marriage. It is the norm for the man to be more sexually satisfied than his wife. This changes over time, with the woman growing significantly in sexual satisfaction over the first fifteen years of the marriage and reaching parity with her husband somewhere between 15 and 25 years. Both non-sexual contact and sex play outside of “having sex” greatly improve a woman’s chances of being sexually satisfied.

Her bottom line: Expect sex to get better for many years to come.

Men: The common image/understanding of men sexually and relationship is not valid. Younger men may fit the stereotype to some degree, but this changes as they age (grow up!). Middle-age and older men are not relationally challenged creatures who only care about sex. Sex for men is a part of the whole and if the relationship isn’t good, the sex isn’t good. The men who enjoy sex the most are generally those who focus a great deal on her pleasure.

His bottom line: Look beyond sex to build a relationship that results in great sex.

Singles:

Sexual experience (such as premarital sleeping around) does NOT improve the chances of being sexually satisfied. On the contrary, more partners mean a slightly lower chance of being sexually satisfied. Long relationships improve the odds of relational happiness and sexual satisfaction for both men and women.

Singles bottom line: Save yourself for one person and marry as soon as reasonably possible.

[This post first appeared July 09, 2011.]

A post worth reading:

PsyPost | People who base their self-worth on their financial success tend to have less satisfying romantic relationships ◄ Interesting…

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Why Missionary’s Wives Don’t Orgasm

by | May 9, 2015 | Poll Says, Sexuality

Supposedly, the “missionary position” got its name from natives amused at the strange way Christian missionaries had sex. In reality, no use of the term can be found before Alfred Kinsey told this story without any supporting evidence.

Missionary position © designer491 | dollarphotoclub.com

Be the story real or not, there was a time in history when many Christians were convinced it was sinful to have sex in any other position. In part, this was because the man was the head and as such should be on top. Additionally, when the church decided women shouldn’t want or enjoy sex, it become obviously wrong for a couple to use any position which suggested the woman was taking an active part. While this thinking is mostly outdated, I still run into people who believe this.

If you want to keep women from enjoying sex, limiting it to man on top is a good start. The motion of this position is an excellent way for a man to climax as it gives him good friction between the head of his penis and the woman’s vagina. Unfortunately, this friction does nothing for a woman, unless it’s fast enough or prolonged enough to make her sore. A woman’s climax requires at least indirect stimulation of the clitoris, and male on top does a rather poor job of this. 

If you actually want her to climax during intercourse, the best bet is for her to be on top (cowgirl position), and for her to control the movement and timing. When we asked women about having an orgasm during intercourse, a third said they found being on top the best way to climax. Only 12% said their husband on top was the best. Digging deep the trend is even stronger. Of women who say they use cowgirl most of the time, 70% found it the best way to orgasm. For those who use man on top most of the time, 15% said it was the best way for them to orgasm, while 30% said cowgirl was the best.

Yes, some women can manage to climax with their husband on top, but most can’t. Not all women climax when they’re on top, but it’s the best bet by far. So, do all you can to get her in the saddle! 

I know some women are unwilling to try this position. This can be because they feel it’s wrong, or because they feel self-conscious. Body image is a common issue, as they feel more exposed in this position. Sex with the lights low or off will help with this, as will having her leave on a t-shirt. 

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