Money - The Generous Husband

FF: Start An Out of Town Fund

by The Generous Husband | Mar 1, 2024 | Audio, Friday Flashback, Links to good stuff, Money, Quality Time, ZIMAGE

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The last few days, Lori and I have been on a mini vacation. Because of Dave Ramsey, this is the shortest and lowest cost vacation we’ve had in a very long time. But it’s still a much-needed break – especially since we each just finished a total revamp of a website (mine for the day job, hers as a way of giving to a ministry we support).

I’m a big believer in the need to get away together. Even if you have to beg family and friends to take the kids, pack an ice chest, and drive 50 miles, you need to get away as a couple. If it seems you can never find the money for a vacation, start a get-out-of-town fund. Figure out what you would need for a few days, and divide by 52 (weeks in a year) or however often you want to get away, and start saving. Get a glass jar, and put in the necessary money each week, no matter what. Don’t raid the jar for anything short of life or death medical events or impending foreclosure or eviction. As you save, talk about where you will go and what you will do together.

You can get to a vacation faster, or get a better buy for your money, by keeping an eye on websites that offer deals on hotels. If you can get time off mid-week, you can usually get better rates on flying, rental cars, and hotels. Weekdays may also be easier if your kids are in school.

If you drop the cost of a fancy coffee into the jar every other day, you’ll have enough for a decent three-night trip in far less than a year.

[This post first appeared Aug 03, 2012.]

A post worth reading:

Dr. Corey Carlisle | Emotional hibernation ◄ A good tool, if not overused.

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FF: Learn To Say No To Time Thieves

by The Generous Husband | Feb 23, 2024 | Audio, Change, DoLessin2024, Friday Flashback, Good Marriage, Margin, Money, ZIMAGE

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Did you read my post, about budgeting your time, and think “might work for you, but you don’t understand my life!”?

I get it, really, I do. I know when you have kids, things come up. I know friends, in-laws, your boss, and so many others drop things on you and expect you to spend some of your limited time doing something for or with them.

Maybe you need to learn to say no more often.

If you’re asked to spend time on something you don’t think is important, and it robs you of time you would devote to what you think is important, then no is the right answer. And it’s the right answer, even if it offends someone. Whom you offend and how much you offend them is a consideration, but letting others decide how you spend your time is like letting others decide how you spend your money!

If a certain friend or group of friends demands more time than you think you should give, perhaps they’re not such great friends. Are they worth the cost? Is what you get from them worth as much as what you would get from spending the time in another way? The same applies to extended family; being related to you doesn’t grant people permission to tell you how to spend your money or your time.

You can’t usually say no to your boss, but you can look for another job. If your job is keeping you from having a life, or keeping your wife and/or kids from having you with them, maybe you need to rethink the job. Possibly, you also need to rethink how much you have so you can work less and have more time for life.

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[This post first appeared Aug 01, 2012.]

When Work Eats All Your Time

by The Generous Husband | Oct 20, 2023 | Audio, Friday Flashback, Her Needs, Margin, Money, Series, Spicy Quote, ZIMAGE

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Given the need to feed, clothe, and provide shelter for our families, earning income must be a high priority. Sometimes that means putting the demands of the job ahead of the desires of the family – better to miss some event than to be unemployed. That said, our job can become a tyrant doing harm to our wife, kids, health, and life in general. The issue is one of balance. How you balance work will depend on what you and your wife want for your lives.

If you place a high priority on things costing a lot of money, you need to make more income than if you find time together to be more important than things. If you’re willing to live in a smaller house, drive an older car, take smaller vacations, and not own every new iDevice the day it comes out, you can work a less demanding job. However, if you want more, your job will have to pay more, which usually means more demands on your time.

Personally, I’m coming to see “things” as overrated, but I’m not trying (too hard) to convince you of that. What I do want is for you and your wife to agree on how much you want. If you’re working many hours, and she wants more of your time, you’re at cross-purposes. The same is true if you want a simple life and she wants a fancy life. Have a long talk about this issue, and make sure you’re on the same page. Then look to adjust your income production accordingly.

“Nobody on their deathbed has ever said, ‘I wish I had spent more time at the office’.” ~ Rabbi Harold Kushner

[This post first appeared June 29, 2012.]

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Friday Flashback: How Money & Housework Affect Marriage

by The Generous Husband | Oct 14, 2022 | Acts of Service, Audio, Friday Flashback, Money, Series, The "D" word, ZIMAGE

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This is my final post based on information from When Baby Makes Three, the 2011 State of Our Unions a report from the National Marriage Project.

The study showed something interesting about income. How much money a couple had was far less important than how much “financial pressure and debt” they had. In my words, being poor is not a marriage problem, but being heavily in debt is a problem no matter how much money or how many nice things the couple has. Among couples with “below average or average financial stress“, half of men and women said they were very happy in marriage. When a couple had above-average financial stress, only 34% of women and 43% of men said the same. The amount of consumer debt a couple carries shows showed similar results, especially for women. For those with no such debt, 48% said they were very happy and divorce proneness was only 18%. For couples with $10,000 to $19,000 of consumer debt (in 2011 dollars), those figures were 40% very happy, and 23% divorce proneness. Please note that this issue is more important to women, especially women with children. You can’t make her feel better by downplaying or hiding the issue, you need to deal with it!

The study showed, as have others before it, that women were happier when they felt household chores were shared equally. What is somewhat surprising is that men were also more likely to be happy in their marriage when they felt the housework was shared evenly. Rates of “very happy in marriage” were 50% for both men and women in marriages where the work was not shared equally. This went up to 59% for men and 64% for women when housework was evenly shared.

The good news from this study is that there are a number of things we men can do to make our marriages better. Being more generous, seeking out those who will support our marriages, doing our share of the housework, and getting our finances in order will all result in greater marital happiness for both you and your wife. Those things also reduce the odds of divorce. Yes, great sex also does those things, and does it well, but if she’s not about that yet, work on the things listed above. As she feels better about the marriage, things may change sexually without you saying anything. Even if this doesn’t happen, it puts you in a better place to deal with the sexual side of marriage.

[This post first appeared Dec 20, 2011.]

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Should You Reconsider Your Lifestyle and Choices?

by The Generous Husband | May 10, 2022 | Audio, Good Marriage, Keepin' It Real, Links to good stuff, Money, Series, ZIMAGE

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When my son was single, he had an Impreza WRX S201 STi – a Subaru sports car. It was a fun ride and it could deal with the snow and dirt roads around here. But it certainly was not a family car. They took it on their honeymoon and he sold it shortly after they got back. Reconsidering our lifestyle is something we should do regularly, but most of us don’t do it until something forces us to do so. If you’re thinking “Yeah, I need to do that” then do it. If you’re not thinking that, then doing it now might save you some trouble later!

Major life changes such as marriage, having a(nother) child, or a big job change all call for reassessing our life and ensuring our choices and goals still make sense. But it’s far wiser to examine this question at least once a year. A series of small changes are easier and less disruptive than one big one.

One thing to consider is how your outlook on life has changed. You’re not the same man you were a decade ago and your goals and what you consider important have changed. Your wife has gone through similar changes, as has your marriage. Odds are some of what you’re living today doesn’t fit well with who you’re becoming. Don’t allow auto-pilot to keep you on a course that no longer makes sense.

How we use our money is one big issue in this. I will look at a few other issues in the coming days.

A post worth reading:

Dr. Corey | Being led ◄ Do you trust God is in the details of your life?

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Seeking Your Help

by The Generous Husband | Nov 30, 2021 | Money, ZIMAGE

Today we kick off our 2022 donation drive. Between now and the end of the year we hope to raise $13,000.

I push generosity all the time and this is a form of generosity. Lori and I have done a lot of giving over the years. From ministries to individuals; from the single mom who can’t make the rent this month to secretly paying for dinner for parents who were clearly counting pennies to take their teenage boys out for burgers. I love giving, especially when I can put a face to it. I pray that you are the same, and not just with Lori and my faces!

Every year we get donations large and small, and each one is a blessing because it feels like a vote of confidence. BTW, you will have the option to make a recurring payment. If splitting it up over the year helps, please do.

Celtic Christmas

Michele McLaughlin – More beautiful piano.

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Giving And The 12 Days of Christmas Music

by The Generous Husband | Nov 26, 2021 | Money, None of the Above, ZIMAGE

Yes, it’s that time again. But before “the ask”, I want to let you know I’m going to share some of my favourite Christmas music, one a day, for the next twelve days. Check the end of my posts.

Being donation-supported is an odd thing. If it were my choice I’d not be so dependent on the generosity of strangers, but God’s been pretty clear with us about this. And it does mean we can put in far more time and effort than when we were tentmaking.

So between now and the New Year, Lori and I will endeavour to raise more than half our income for next year. The official kick-off is on Giving Tuesday on the 30th, but you can jump on it now if you like. We deeply appreciate all of you who have donated and prayed for us over the years. You have helped us help many couples in small and sometimes big ways.

The 12 Days of Christmas

by Straight No Chaser

This acapella group has a lot of fun with Christmas songs. If they ever get near us, I would totally go to a show!

A Marriage Must Have Trust

by The Generous Husband | Jun 23, 2021 | Money, Seeing Clearly, Series, The "D" word, ZIMAGE

Yesterday I suggested that keeping marriages healthy requires us to look at couples who didn’t make it and determine why they didn’t make it. Doing all the good things that make marriages strong won’t save a marriage if it takes a shot to a place that kills marriages.

Today a few thoughts from talking to men who did a good post mortem of their divorce. Tomorrow some wisdom from research-based marriage expert John Gottman

I’ve talked to several men who said financial improprieties significantly contributed to their divorces. But these men weren’t spending money like crazy or gambling, they were aggressively playing the stock market. They made money, they lost money, and the process scared their wives. Their desire was to build a solid retirement, but their method felt too risky to their wife. And both of them did enough of this behind their wife’s back that it became a major trust issue. Today another version of this could be cryptocurrency.

Another trust issue is men not being willing to be accountable about where they are. This is most commonly an issue if the guy travels for work. It can also come up if he is routinely home from work later than he should be. Some guys get all upset, they are not going to keep their wife advised about their every move! She just needs to get over it and trust him! Of course, if she has concerns, this approach just makes her all the more sure he is doing something he should not. Even if her concerns are ridiculous, feeding them is a really bad plan.

In my mind, letting people you live with know where you will be and when you will get home is just common courtesy. I did it with guys I shared a home with before I got married. I wasn’t asking permission, I was just giving information. If you won’t do this with your wife I wonder why. And so does your wife!

The biggest trust area is our sexuality. If a guy ogles women in front of his wife, can you blame her for wondering if he might cheat? If he has repeatedly said he will stop looking at porn and she keeps finding he is still doing it, how can she trust him?

Losing trust in your marriage is like losing the engine in your airplane. You’re going down, and even if you survive it’s going to be ugly.

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