LESSisMORE - The Generous Husband

Reconsider Your Time Use and Margin

by The Generous Husband | May 11, 2022 | Audio, LESSisMORE, Links to good stuff, Margin, Quality Time, Series, ZIMAGE

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This is the second of four posts about reconsidering our lifestyle and choices. Today, time use and margin.

How we use our time is one of the most important decisions we make. When we get it right, life flows well. When we get it wrong we feel rushed all the time and we never seem to have the time for some of what we really want.

One of the difficult truths about margin is some of the best parts of life can’t be scheduled. Be it your children, your wife, or your friends, quality time happens within quantity time. And being available when someone really needs you requires having enough flexibility to be there for them when it matters.

Another difficulty is that margin is counter-cultural. If you make time for what matters, some will see you as lazy. And not being willing to be on call 24/7 may hurt your job options.

Speaking of your job, time and money are inexorably tied. If you’re all about making a lot of money, that will have a significant impact on your time use. If you’re all about having things, that means you need a lot of money and once again, that limits your free time. These factors mean your lifestyle has a significant effect on your time use and how much margin you can have in your life. If you want more margin, odds are you will have to reconsider your lifestyle choices.

A post worth reading:

Dr. Corey | Faith without clarity ◄ As necessary as it is difficult

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Margin Means You Can Help

by The Generous Husband | Jul 21, 2021 | ~ list info, LESSisMORE, Links to good stuff, Margin, ZIMAGE

My wife wrote a post about how we step in to help each other out. This is true, and in this busy season, it happens regularly.

But here’s the thing – we can do this because we both work diligently at having margin. Because we both do this, it’s rare that we are both too busy.

Margin means an emergency doesn’t destroy our week. Margin also means I can take some time for her when she needs a shoulder to cry on, wants to spitball something, or just wants a bit of time together. And it means I can say yes when she suggests sex at an odd moment!

Margin isn’t just good for you, it’s good for your wife and your marriage. It’s not easy and it has to be a life choice, but it sure makes life better.

A book worth reading:

Margin: Restoring Emotional, Physical, Financial, and Time Reserves to Overloaded Lives by Richard Swenson, M.D. is what got me started on a life of margin. I strongly suggest you make time to read it!

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Less Is More, But It’s Not Natural

by The Generous Husband | Jul 20, 2021 | LESSisMORE, Links to good stuff, Margin, Seeing Clearly, ZIMAGE

Joshua Becker of becomingminimalist, pointed out an interesting study entitled People systematically overlook subtractive changes. The authors of the study said “People typically consider a limited number of promising ideas in order to manage the cognitive burden of searching through all possible ideas, but this can lead them to accept adequate solutions without considering potentially superior alternatives. Here we show that people systematically default to searching for additive transformations, and consequently overlook subtractive transformations.”

In other words, we look to solve problems by adding something, not by removing something. And as the study points out, if your schedule is too full or you’re being dragged down by red tape, adding something is not going to help.

Often less is better, but apparently, our brains are wired to assume the answer is more.

So, marriage application? Maybe the problem in your marriage is that you’re both doing too much. Maybe the answer is not adding a marriage event or studying a marriage book together. Maybe the solution is to subtract something from your lives.

A post worth reading:

By Dr. Corey Carlisle | Remembering soul care ◄ Another margin issue.

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Go WAY Beyond The Minimum

by The Generous Husband | Nov 10, 2020 | Her Needs, LESSisMORE, Marriage Killer, YOU4HER, ZIMAGE

There are certainly situations where less is more. But this is never true of marriage in terms of love, kindness, grace, or forgiveness. Less of these things is just less.

No one likes being given the bare minimum. It does not speak of worth or value. It does not suggest you’re important. What it says is “You’re barely worth the effort.” That’s not a relationship builder.

The other problem with giving the minimum is you don’t have any margin. If you regualry give way more than necessary and then can’t give that much for a time, it’s not a big deal. But if you only give the minimum and then give even a bit less, that’s a really big deal in a bad way.

Give way beyond the minimum – it’s what love does!

A post worth reading:

Seth’s Blog | Omission, commission and the places in between ◄ There’s a powerful marriage application here.

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Minimalism

by The Generous Husband | Mar 12, 2020 | Change, LESSisMORE, Links to good stuff, Margin, ZIMAGE

Yesterday I suggested a radical change might shake up your life and/or marriage in a good way. Today I want to suggest a fairly safe but radical change:

Minimalism is living with less. In addition to fewer things, minimalism is about how we use our time and having fewer financial burdens and less debt.

Our things cost us a lot of time. We spend time making money to buy things, we spend time and money on upkeep, and we need a bigger (and more costly house) or a storage rental to house all our stuff. Less stuff means you can have more money, or less debt, or work fewer hours. Or some combination of two or all three of those.

What would your marriage look like if you and your wife both worked fewer hours? Not just employment hours, what about the hours you work to maintain a home and yard?

If this has any appeal to you, I suggest Josh Becker’s blog becomingminimalist to you. Josh also has several books. The one I’ve read is The More of Less: Finding the Life You Want Under Everything You Own, but any of his books would be a great way to learn more.

Having less might make your marriage more!

A post worth reading:
Marriage Failing? Try Minimalism | Kinda Minimal – What did I tell you? ;-)

Are You Too Busy For A Future?

by The Generous Husband | May 22, 2019 | Big Deal Post, Her Needs, LESSisMORE, Margin, Sharing Life, Year of Margin, Your Needs, ZIMAGE

Do you want a future that you have helped shape, or do you want a future that just happens to you? None of us can truly control what our future will look like, but we can influence it a great deal if we make the effort.

Sadly, many of us are too busy with today to think about five years from now. We have some idea what we would like, but we don’t have time to do the things that will make those dreams happen.

As I approach 60, I can tell you the latter years of our lives can be very good. Grandchildren are a joy and slowing down means more time to enjoy family, friends, and God’s beautiful creation. It can be a time of increasing happiness and contentment. On the other hand, it can also be a time of dealing with the disasters you set in motion years or decades earlier.

One of the many factors here is your marriage. I find my relationship with Lori an increasing source of joy. Sharing my life with her is more fun every passing year. But I doubt it would be that way if I’d been too busy for her in the past. I’m glad I’m adding onto what we have built rather than trying to fix messes we made when we were younger.

Your actions today affect your future. What you don’t do also affects it. Choose well!

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Enter The Gauntlet!

by The Generous Husband | Nov 21, 2018 | LESSisMORE, Year of Margin, ZIMAGE

In the states, Thursday is Thanksgiving and the start of the holiday season.

Is that good news to you or do you dread what is to come between now and January? Are there things you would really like to remove from your holiday experience?

If entering the holiday season makes you feel like the guy in the picture, you need to do something about that. And if your wife feels like the guy in the picture, I strongly suggest you try to do something about that.

When it comes to the holidays, less really is more. You can enjoy doing select things or you can endure doing all the things. The choice is yours.

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Plan Now, Enjoy Later

by The Generous Husband | Oct 21, 2018 | Change, Communication, Headship/Submission, LESSisMORE, ZIMAGE

Think back to last year’s holidays – Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years. How much enjoyment did you and your family experience? Was there frustration, disappointment, turmoil, fights, or depression as well?

Many of us feel compelled to do things we don’t really enjoy during the holidays. Or we do way too much of things we might enjoy if we weren’t so crazy busy. Because we do too much and spend too much, what should be a joyous time of the year is something less for many.

It’s time to take back the holidays!

Have a long talk with your wife about the upcoming holidays. Think over previous years and talk about what you each really enjoyed, and what you disliked… or hated. Discuss what you each really want to do this year, what you would like to do, and what you want to avoid. Then set a sane level of activity, leaving some margin for the things that will come up.

One problem for many is family. I’m all for family, but I don’t think your family has the right to ruin the holidays for you. Likewise for the expectations of friends. A certain level of sacrifice for others is good and loving but taking it too far is failing to care for yourself, your wife, and your kids.

I would go so far as to suggest this is a headship issue. You need to protect your family from the holidays while doing all you can to make them enjoyable. You also need to ensure the holidays don’t lead to financial problems that drag well into next year. (Lori just wrote about this one.)

The holidays can be a blessing or a curse, and you have the power to choose which. The sooner you start, the better.

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