Do It For Her - The Generous Husband

Different, Possibly Confusing, But Totally Valid

by The Generous Husband | Feb 25, 2025 | Do It For Her, Her Needs

Subscribe RSS

Today, I want to impress on you that while your wife’s needs are different from your needs, they are just as valid.

When I say needs, I mean what she needs from you to feel loved and cared for. You do want her to feel loved and cared for, don’t you?

We tend to dismiss our wife’s needs because they are different. We don’t understand why they’re important because we don’t understand what’s behind them. We may not consciously dismiss her needs, but odds are we don’t see her needs to be as valid as our needs. And that hurts her and damages our marriage.

Even if her needs are based on fear, trauma, or lack from her childhood years, they are valid. Failing to meet those needs won’t make them go away. She may stop asking, but that doesn’t mean she is less hurt by not having the needs met.

On the other hand, if you meet needs that are based on her past, you put her in a better place to deal with what’s behind those needs. Over time, some of those needs will fade away. And new healthier needs may arise.

Either you meet her needs, or you do not. And why you do or don’t is irrelevant to her.

Image Credit: © alfa27| stock.adobe.com
Shop Amazon ♦ Shop to give links page
We’re donation supported Thanks for your help!
This post may contain affiliate links, see my disclosure for info.

The Lasting Impact of Small Acts of Love in Marriage

by The Generous Husband | Feb 24, 2025 | Do It For Her, Simple Ideas

Podcast: Download

Subscribe RSS

As this is my last week of posts on this blog, I want to hit a few important concepts before I move on.

For the last nine years, most of my Monday posts have been simple, easy to do things to make your marriage better.

Small things can make a real difference, and a steady diet of small things can be huge.

The power of simple acts is they don’t cost you much in terms of time or energy. This means you can do a couple of small loving things even when you have an impossible week. Giving her occasional bright moments during a dark time shows that you’re still thinking of her, and still love her.

Grand acts are great when you can pull them off well, but they should not take the place of the steady drip of love that comes from doing simple things often.

You can see all the simple idea posts here.

Image Credit: © patpitchaya | stock.adobe.com
Shop Amazon ♦ Shop to give links page
We’re donation supported Thanks for your help!
This post may contain affiliate links, see my disclosure for info.

Beyond Valentine’s: Showing Your Wife Love Year-Round

by The Generous Husband | Feb 17, 2025 | Do It For Her, Understanding Her

Podcast: Download

Subscribe RSS

Valentine’s is over. But the need for your wife to know you love her is not.

This week, buy her flowers or candy. Send her a loving text. Take her out for the evening, or serve her breakfast in bed. Do this no matter what you did or did not do for Valentine’s.

It means even more when it’s not expected.

Image Credit: © rocketclips | stock.adobe.com
Shop Amazon ♦ Shop to give links page
We’re donation supported Thanks for your help!
This post may contain affiliate links, see my disclosure for info.

Different Sexual Realities: Understanding Her Side

by The Generous Husband | Jan 11, 2025 | Do It For Her, Rethinking Sex, XY link

Podcast: Download

Subscribe RSS

Yesterday I told the women on The XY Code that if women understood what sex means to their husband, and how not having it often enough effects him, she would say no far less often. I said if she was not up to full sex, she would be quick to offer something else, and would initiate on occasion. And if she had junk from her past, that was getting in the way of sex, she would be motivated to deal with that.

I believe this is what any decent, loving woman would do if she had a clue about her husband’s sexual reality. Perhaps some gals avoid understanding his reality to avoid what that would require of them. But still.

I also told the ladies what a decent, loving husband would do if he understood her sexual reality. He would make changes in when and how he asks. He would change what he asks for, what he expects, and what happens when sex does occur. And if he was looking at porn, he’d be motivated to deal with that. And I fully believe all that is true.

If you still look at porn, either you don’t get it, or you don’t care about your wife. If you seek sex when she’s dead tired, either you don’t get it, or you don’t love her. And so on.

For the most part, I think guys don’t get it. I realise many are blinded by their unending horniness, but if they understood her reality, I think most would be able to move past even that. Perhaps some guys avoid understanding her reality to avoid what that would require of them. But still.

All of this is to say her sexual reality is far different from your sexual reality. But her reality is just as real and valid, and it affects her just as much as your reality affects you. Much of what you judge as selfish or unloving is neither. If you can accept that as truth, it will be the start of change.

If you really want to go all in, ask her to explain what she thinks and feels about sex, and why she thinks and feels those things. Don’t judge her or argue, just hear her heart. Then pray about what you should change because of her reality.

Image Credit: © silverkblack | stock.adobe.com
Shop Amazon ♦ Shop to give links page
We’re donation supported Thanks for your help!
This post may contain affiliate links, see my disclosure for info.

Nurturing Your Marriage: The Power of Attention & Respect

by The Generous Husband | Jan 7, 2025 | Do It For Her, Her Needs

Podcast: Download

Subscribe RSS

When I sit back and watch people, what I see is a lot of folks dying for attention and respect. And I see some doing crazy things to get those things.

If you have kids, you’ve seen them do this since before they could talk. Adults are a bit more subtle, but if you look for it, you see it everywhere. And as Lori and I work with couples, we see it in the vast majority of marriages.

Odds are, your wife would like more of your attention, and more respect from you. Her hunger for those things may be far greater than you imagine, and it may be the reason for much of what she does. Anger and withdrawal can be motivated by a need for respect. Nagging, manipulating, and controlling behaviour can be a cry for attention. And sexual limits or refusal can be fuelled by either of these needs.

Rather than trying to determine if this is a dynamic in your marriage, assume it is. And rather than dealing with is as wrong, why not see it as a wrong reaction to needs you’re not meeting.

Give your wife the attention and respect she deserves because it’s the right thing to do. Meeting those needs should result in good changes, which you can see as a bonus.

Image Credit: © fizkes | stock.adobe.com
Shop Amazon ♦ Shop to give links page
We’re donation supported Thanks for your help!
This post may contain affiliate links, see my disclosure for info.

Honouring Your Wife by Letting Go of Sexual Preferences

by The Generous Husband | Jan 4, 2025 | Do It For Her, Rethinking Sex, XY link

Podcast: Download

Subscribe RSS

Yesterday on The XY Code, I suggested the ladies pick one sex thing they don’t like and tell their husband they won’t be doing that thing in 2025

Such a post should be not necessary, but I know it is. And that means I also need to address the other side of this with you guys.

Do you keep hoping for some sex act your wife doesn’t want? It could be anal or oral, her on top, or leaving the lights on. If you know she doesn’t want to do it, and you keep asking, hinting, or complaining it’s not happening, what does that communicate to her?

It tells her that your sexual desires are more important to you than she is. You can say that’s not what it means, but I assure you that’s what she feels. And she feels that way regardless of why she doesn’t want to do whatever. If she thinks it’s wrong, and you don’t, she feels less important than that sex act. If she finds it gross or a turn-off, you still wanting it means you value your pleasure over hers.

The only loving choice it to decide you won’t ever do that thing. Decide your wife is more important than that sex act, and then let your actions show that is the case.

Image Credit: © Elnur | stock.adobe.com
Shop Amazon ♦ Shop to give links page
We’re donation supported Thanks for your help!
This post may contain affiliate links, see my disclosure for info.

Last-Minute Christmas Love: Serving Your Wife

by The Generous Husband | Dec 23, 2024 | Do It For Her

Podcast: Download

Subscribe RSS

Okay, guys, Christmas is less than 48 hours away. So here’s my husband game plan:

Be insanely helpful
Be wildly compassionate and full of grace.
Rub her shoulders, get her drinks, and pamper her in any way you can.
Don’t expect, ask for, or hint about sex. If she offers, accept and tell her how amazing she is.

This is your chance to just be a blessing, regardless of what she has gotten herself into. BTW, this is also a loving choice even if your wife has not bitten off too much.

Image Credit: © globalmoments | stock.adobe.com
Shop Amazon ♦ Shop to give links page
We’re donation supported Thanks for your help!
This post may contain affiliate links, see my disclosure for info.

A Gift She Really Wants

by The Generous Husband | Dec 20, 2024 | BE THE CHANGE, Do It For Her, Gifts, YOU4HER

Podcast: Download

Subscribe RSS

Would you like to give your wife a gift she really wants? A gift she will cherish for years to come? How about making a permanent change you know she wants? It might be no longer doing or saying something she dislikes. Or it could be starting to do something she has indicated she’d like you to do.

I know changes like this aren’t easy. The question you have to ask yourself is if you think she’s worth it. If she is, do whatever it takes to make the change, and to stick to it.

If you have a good idea what change she would like, I think the best option is to do it without saying anything. Let her figure it out; let her ask you about it when she sees the results.

If you have no idea what she would like you to change, you could ask her. If you think that would end badly, the list below is from answers 174 women gave when asked what one change they would like their husband to give them as a Christmas gift.

Help out: Preferably without being asked. If you’re not sure, ask what you can do. Oh, and please pick up after yourself!
Communication: She would like your attention when she is talking with you. Better communication skills and less harshness were also requested by a number of women.
Anger and lack of patience were mentioned by a number of respondents.
Plenty of wives want more time with hubby, and the majority of them complained about the amount of time he spent on video games, television, and the Internet. Don’t get so into your technology you ignore your wife!
Some were concerned about hubby and the kids. A few wanted more help, but most were more concerned about him spending time with the children. Several mentioned wanting him to be a better example and spiritual leader.
Integrity was mentioned by a number of women. A couple specifically mentioned lying, but most said they want him to “do what he says he will” and “finish what he starts”.
Health issues: Weight, smoking, exercise, drinking, and drugs were all concerns.
Sex. Yes, some want better sex. A couple want more, but the bigger issue is showing desire for HER rather than for sex.
Also, when you do have sex, be sure to give her pleasure.
Personal hygiene: Brush, floss, and showering regularly would be appreciated by a number of the ladies.
Stop lusting after other women. Yup, they see you doing it.

[This post first appeared Dec 11, 2012.]

Closing in on a third of our year-end donation goal. Can you help?

2024 Year End
28% of 15,000 raised as of 12/20

Help us meet our goal! Be a part of helping marriages by supporting us with your prayers and finances.
Thanks, Paul & Lori

Donate with Check or BillPay

Print out our donation form and mail it with your check or money order. Make checks payable to The Marriage Bed. Or skip the form and put “Paul & Lori” in the memo.

Mail to:

Paul & Lori
c/o The Marriage Bed, Inc.
4641 Lyons Hill Road
Springdale, WA 99173

US donations are tax-deductible

Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with stockdreams.ai
Shop Amazon ♦ Shop to give links page
We’re donation supported Thanks for your help!
This post may contain affiliate links, see my disclosure for info.

« Older Entries