Apply the Bible - The Generous Husband

Confession: I Expect Too Much of Others

by The Generous Husband | Jan 10, 2024 | Acts of Service, Apply the Bible, Big Deal Post, GRACE, Marriage Killer, ZIMAGE

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I have a confession. I expect far too much of others. I don’t do this to my wife, and usually not to my friends, but my standards for everyone else are unfairly high. And when they fail to meet those unrealistic expectations, I silently judge them.

As I have been thinking and praying on this, I have come to suspect a big part of the problem is I think too highly of myself. I generally set a higher standard for myself than I do for others, but I suspect I’m not a fair judge of how well I meet my standards. Beyond that, I give myself grace based on my past and other things, but I don’t extend similar grace to strangers.

Doing this to strangers is wrong. Doing it to friends is a problem. Doing it to your wife is a disaster.

My wife gets a pass on this for three reasons. First, I know her history, and I give her grace based on that. Second, I chose to give her grace in general. Third, I have to live with her, and judging her the way I judge strangers would make that difficult!

I’m not saying I never question or confront my wife. I do. But I try to think and pray before I do that, and then I make a concerted effort to approach her in a soft, loving way.

I’ll be working on doing better with strangers. Or at least giving them grace in my mind. Do you need to do the same? Do you need to start with your wife?

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Devotional for a New Year: Embrace Spiritual Growth and Strengthen Your Marriage

by The Generous Husband | Dec 26, 2023 | Aff Link, Apply the Bible, Big Deal Post, Sharing Life, ZIMAGE

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Please see the year-end giving plea at the bottom!

Do you have a devotional for next year? Yes, I mention this the end of every year. I do that because I think it’s a big deal.

Devotionals are a great way to grow in the Lord, which is a good thing for your life and your marriage. And doing a devotional with your wife is especially good for your marriage. When I say “with” that could mean reading it together, or reading it separately and then discussing it later. My two favourites are Live in Grace, Walk in Love: A 365-Day Journey by Bob Goff and New Morning Mercies: A Daily Gospel Devotional by Paul David Tripp. The Goff choice is an easier and funnier read, but still hits home. The Tripp offering is theologically deeper.

I’ve downloaded Live in Grace, Walk in Love from Audible, and will make it part of my morning routine on my phone. So after I get weather, what’s on my calendar, and a fun fact about this date in history, it will play the devotional for Lori and me to hear.

I strongly urge you to find a devotional for 2024. If you do, and stick with it, you will be a better man in 2025.

GIVING:

This plea is bigger than just Lori and me. Most non-profits rely heavily on year-end giving, and that has gotten a lot less sure the last few years. Please consider the ministries and non-profits that bless you and do good things. Without donations, they have to cut back, and some will die.
Lori and I have reached 70% of our goal. We’re not in danger of going hungry, but we really need to hit our goal.

2023 Year End

You can be a part of us helping marriages by supporting us with your prayers and finances. Thanks, Paul & Lori

Give with a Credit Card or PayPal:

Donate with Check or Bill Pay

Print out our donation form and mail it with your check or money order. Make checks payable to The Marriage Bed. Or skip the form and put “Paul & Lori” in the memo.

Mail to:

Paul & Lori
c/o The Marriage Bed, Inc.
4641 Lyons Hill Road
Springdale, WA 99173

US donations are tax-deductible

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Add a Sabbath Rest to Defeat Busyness

by The Generous Husband | Oct 24, 2023 | Apply the Bible, Audio, Links to good stuff, Margin, Series, ZIMAGE

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When I originally wrote the sin of busyness series in June of 2012, Lori and I were not yet doing Sabbath – so it didn’t get mentioned. Now I see what an important part of the puzzle Sabbath is.

God created us. He knows how we function, and what hurts our bodies and minds. Six days of work followed by a day of rest is a healthy rhythm. Science has repeatedly shown that regular rest and time away from work make us physically and mentally healthier, results in longer lives, and make us more productive.

Lori and I have been doing a true day of rest on Wednesdays for just over a decade. Neither of us would go back to what we had before, and we’d make some pretty significant sacrifices to be able to have a day of rest.

A cycle of work and rest has so many benefits. It’s far easier to push hard when you know a real rest is coming. A day of rest also forces you to set reasonable goals. A day off recharges both the body and the mind. On Thursdays, I am physically and mentally ready to work. I find my creativity is much better, and I often have good ideas come into my head on my day off.

For us, a day of rest means no income producing work, other than checking comments. It also means no significant physical exertion. We don’t set an alarm that morning. We rest, eat foods we like, and engage in various forms of intimacy. Sometimes there is a time of prayer or working on dealing with injuries from our past. We may do some vision casting and planning.

I understand how impossible it sounds to do what we do. It took us years to go from seeing we needed to do it to actually doing it. My only regret is we didn’t do it decades earlier.

Society will tell you that you can’t afford a day of rest. Both science and the scriptures tell us we can’t afford not to. Choose wisely!

Resource: A Day of Rest: 12 Scientific Reasons It Works | Inc.

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Love Sacrifices

by The Generous Husband | Oct 12, 2023 | Apply the Bible, Audio, Headship/Submission, ZIMAGE

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Another look at how Jesus would have us love our wives. I’m going to use a Pauline text for this one, but the idea is certainly found in how Jesus calls us to behave.

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her ~Ephesians 5:25 ESV

The Message drives the point home well, saying:

Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. ~ MSG

I would put it this way: Love sacrifices for the one it loves. This is the hallmark of love. If this is missing, it’s probably not love, and it’s certainly not mature, healthy love.

Of course, there are seasons to this. There are times when one spouse does far more sacrificing. But if that’s the norm, something is wrong. Both husband and wife need to sacrifice regularly.

BTW, when I say sacrifice, I don’t just mean not doing something. I also mean doing something you have no interest in doing because your wife wants it. That means watching a show with her that she really wants you to watch with her. It means rubbing her back when it’s sore, even if you’re exhausted and just want to sleep. It means making time to talk with her when you feel no desire to talk, and actually engaging well. It means letting her choose the restaurant, even though you know it will be one you would never choose. Love says, “I have no interest, but will gladly do that with you because I love you.”

Do you sacrifice for your wife? Do you do it often enough?

You Deserve Great Sex in Your Marriage

by The Generous Husband | Sep 30, 2023 | Apply the Bible, Audio, Seeing Clearly, Sex Positive, ZIMAGE

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Last week I talked about how the Bible shows us God intended married couples to have great sex, and plenty of it. One of the things that gets in the way of this is deciding we don’t deserve good sex, or sex at all. Maybe we don’t think we deserve it ever, or maybe it depends on how good a husband we feel we’ve been recently.

I know some folks have a problem with the word deserve. I figure if God wants it for you, then you deserve it. If saying “should have” helps, go with that.

It’s easy to think we don’t deserve good sex if we have been looking at porn again, or lusting after the new woman at work. We need to deal with those sins, but performance based sex is not what God called us to. It’s also tempting to feel we don’t deserve sex if we’ve been rude or distant. These things certainly will make our wife less interested in sex, but having good sex will generally make it easier to treat our wife as we should.

God is clear He wants us to have sex regularly and enjoy it fully. All kinds of things get in the way of that happening, but none of them change that God wants us to have sex, or that having sex is good for our marriage.

I don’t say any of this so you can use it to get your wife to have sex. This is about your thinking, and moving it to be in line with God’s thinking.

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Struggling Doesn’t Mean You’re Out of God’s Will

by The Generous Husband | Sep 28, 2023 | Apply the Bible, Audio, Series, ZIMAGE

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I’m putting this under things Jesus said about marriage, but it’s a bit different.

A couple of weeks ago, our pastor was teaching on the end of the sixth chapter of Mark.

Immediately, Jesus made his disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to Bethsaida, while he dismissed the crowd. After leaving them, he went up on a mountainside to pray. Later that night, the boat was in the middle of the lake, and he was alone on land. He saw the disciples straining at the oars, because the wind was against them. Mark 6:45-48a ESV

And at this point the pastor pointed out that they were in the storm because they obeyed Jesus.

Have you ever thought someone was having a really hard time because they were out of God’s will? Have you ever accused someone of that? I’ve certainly had folks who claim to follow Jesus tell me my problems proved I was in sin. But Jesus never told us following Him would be easy or that we would not have problems. On the contrary, He assured us we would have difficulties if we followed Him.

If your wife is struggling, that doesn’t mean she is out of God’s will. If your marriage is having problems, that doesn’t mean you or your wife are in sin. Sometimes when we are doing exactly what Jesus called us to do, we find ourselves in a storm.

I think “might my problems be a result of sin or missing God’s will” is always a good question to ask ourselves. But we can struggle when we are right where God wants us.

That said, if we call out to Him from the storm, He is sure to be there.

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God Calls You to Passionate, Intoxicating Sex

by The Generous Husband | Sep 23, 2023 | Apply the Bible, Audio, Seeing Clearly, Sex Positive, ZIMAGE

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Last week, I talked about getting free from all the lies and garbage that keep us from having the kind of sex God wants us to have. Okay, but how do you actually do that?

A great starting place is to learn what God wants, and Proverbs gives us that.

Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love. ~ Proverbs 5:18-19 ESV

Let’s look past the careful translation that attempts to make this very adult verse PG-13.

First, yes, fountain is a reference to the penis. And it suggests ejaculation. So your sexual parts and your sex life are being blessed. Then we have your wife’s breasts. A more accurate translation would be nipples. This is not about covertly enjoying the shape of her breasts under her clothing; this is about hands-on enjoyment of her nude breasts. Also notice you’re not encouraged to do this occasionally, but at all times! The word translated as delight can mean satiated. It can also mean to be intoxicated with. The word intoxicated in the next phrase means just that. Your sexual desire, and the fulfilling of it, should be with total abandon.

This is the kind of sex God calls us to. And all you have to do to “earn” that is to get married and be a decent husband. So start with this. Think, pray, and meditate on it. Get it down into your heart that this is how it is supposed to be.

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Avoid Judging Your Wife’s Heart and Mind

by The Generous Husband | Sep 21, 2023 | Apply the Bible, Communication, Series, ZIMAGE

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More of what Jesus said about being a good husband:

Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. ~ MT 7:1-2 ESV

Yes, I am going to suggest we should apply this passage to our marriages.

No one likes being judged. Even when I know I am wrong, I don’t like it. What’s more, being judged doesn’t generally motivate people in helpful ways. Judgement is met with excuses, justification, or pointing out the faults of the one who is doing the judging.

Far worse, I think our judging can interfere with God moving on people’s hearts. If judgement makes your wife defensive about an issue, then she is less likely to feel God moving on her heart about that issue.

BTW, saying “I didn’t like it when you ____” or “I felt slighted when you said ____” is not judging. You can and should tell your wife when her words or actions hurt you. But make it about how you feel rather than attacking what she did.

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