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Yesterday on The XY Code, I suggested the ladies pick one sex thing they don’t like and tell their husband they won’t be doing that thing in 2025
Such a post should be not necessary, but I know it is. And that means I also need to address the other side of this with you guys.
Do you keep hoping for some sex act your wife doesn’t want? It could be anal or oral, her on top, or leaving the lights on. If you know she doesn’t want to do it, and you keep asking, hinting, or complaining it’s not happening, what does that communicate to her?
It tells her that your sexual desires are more important to you than she is. You can say that’s not what it means, but I assure you that’s what she feels. And she feels that way regardless of why she doesn’t want to do whatever. If she thinks it’s wrong, and you don’t, she feels less important than that sex act. If she finds it gross or a turn-off, you still wanting it means you value your pleasure over hers.
The only loving choice it to decide you won’t ever do that thing. Decide your wife is more important than that sex act, and then let your actions show that is the case.
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The only sex my wife likes is no sex. She hates all forms of sex.
This may also take a few “tries” on our part as husbands, like the Amish in forgiveness. You might have to “revisit” it and “let it go” multiple times until it’s truly let go.
I keep hoping for any sex. She never initiates, and when I do I’m told “only if you do all the work (me on top, she just lie there)”. I say I’d like to try something different: position, oral, anal, even having sex more than once a month. Yet it’s dismissed every time. I’m growing frustrated of being the sole initiator. If I wanted to be celibate, I’d have joined the priesthood instead of getting married.