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Last Friday, I talked to the ladies about sexual bait and switch from before the wedding to after. The classic is the woman who gives blowjobs before marriage, but not after. My suggestion was women do this because sex has become the price of admission for follow-up dates and getting married.
The post generated some interesting comments. I’m going to paraphrase and in some places modify those comments to address common issues raised about this.
It was suggested the men had taken advantage of their future wife, and were suffering the consequences of that. But many of the men in these situations had no clue the woman was opposed to what she was doing. This is especially true if the woman had previously engaged in sex she didn’t want with another guy.
It was pointed out that all forms of sex prior to marriage are wrong. I totally agree. I also know it’s rare for a couple to make it to the wedding night with their virginity intact, and far rarer to have had no sexual contact. I’m not normalising this; it sadly is the norm. My goal was to address the fall-out from what most have done.
Then there was the suggestion that saying no to any allowable sex act is unacceptable. and a woman should deal with whatever keeps her from being able to do whatever. The Bible does say sexual refusal is wrong, but it does not in any way suggest it’s wrong to say no to oral sex or some other particular act or position. Yes, some women avoid certain sex acts because of wrong teaching, but there are sex positive women who do all kinds of things who are opposed to oral, or some other act, or a specific position.
The reality is sex before marriage is sin, and sin always has consequences. If you and your wife are both reasonable, you can work through the problems that came from choosing not to wait.
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