Podcast: Download
Subscribe RSS
Why do we feel the need to be right so strongly that we’re willing to make a mess of our marriage to prove ourselves?
I ask this as a guy who has made the wrong choice on this many, many times. I’m getting better, but even after forty years it’s still a fight at times. And honestly, I find it more tempting with my wife than with others.
I’m sure pride is involved, but I think it’s more about self identity. I’m very close to Lori, and I love that. But I think I feel a need to differentiate myself from her. Psychology talks about self-differentiation, which is distinguishing your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours from others in your family system. We all did this with our family of origin when we were growing up. If mom and/or dad made that difficult, we may be more prone to get agitated about it with our wife.
It’s good to be your own person. It’s good for your wife to be her own person. The trick is embracing the differences between you and your wife in a loving and grace-filled way. Making a choice to do this is a great starting place.
Along these lines, a reminder to myself. Even if you’re right, being a jerk makes you wrong!
The donation widget is not working via email. You can give here.
Image Credit: © Voyagerix | stock.adobe.com
Shop Amazon ♦ Shop to give links page
We’re donation supported Thanks for your help!
This post may contain affiliate links, see my disclosure for info.
This is interesting!
“Psychology talks about self-differentiation, which is distinguishing your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours from others in your family system. We all did this with our family of origin when we were growing up. If mom and/or dad made that difficult, we may be more prone to get agitated about it with our wife.”
I would love to hear more from you about this topic!
@Erik – Noted!