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Last week, Lori and I were at a thrift store. We’d found several things we wanted, and I sat down in the furniture area with the cart while Lori browsed a bit more.
A young couple with a baby and a toddler was looking at the offerings near me. From their discussion, I learned he was the primary pastor of a church.
Then I heard this exchange.
HIM: What about this?
HER: I don’t like it.
HIM: What if we put it in the basement?
Her: I don’t like it.
HIM: But it’s only $20!
Her: I don’t like it.
At this point I was fighting the urge to say “Dude, she doesn’t like it!”
And then he said, “How about we leave it, and if it’s still here next week, we can reconsider?”
And then I had to fight the urge to give him my card and suggest he needs a bit of marriage coaching.
I never turned around to see what the woman didn’t like. But it didn’t matter what it was. She had given her opinion, and nothing he said was going to change that. I suspect she felt he didn’t care about how she felt. I mean, I felt that way.
If your wife says “I don’t like it” to you, does that carry as much weight as it should? I’m not saying she has the right to veto anything regardless of how you feel. But ignoring her preferences should be rare, and for good reason.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with stockdreams.ai
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Interesting, just reading your story I felt like she might veto almost everything that he suggests. He MIGHT feel like he doesn’t have a right to exist or any say in what they put in their house.
@Roy Zesch – A valid point. I had heard them discuss other items, and she didn’t veto everything, and she did go with what he wanted at least once.
I had not actually thought about that because just listening to them, I had decided she was reasonable.
Women believe that only what they like should prevail and that the husband’s views just aren’t that important. That may sound harsh, but I’ve been married 41 years, and I’ve experienced it.
@James Michael Tollison – Yeah, I’ve seen women like that. Also seen men like that. And I agree on the coffee!
It is a major irritation when anyone tells me they don’t “like something” when they’ve never tried it; all the more so when it stands in my way of doing something. My first thought is “Are you a kid? Try those peas before you say you don’t like them!”.
On the flip side though, after reading your blog for years, I have no doubt that if the tables were turned and it was the wife pleading with the husband to try something in particular, you’d tell us to “be loving to our wife”, even if it’s something we really don’t want to do. I have a problem with double standards. What’s “good for the goose is good for the gander” may be a true statement, but that’s not a one-way street.
And per your recap of the dialog between the husband and wife – he was just fine in his persistence; there was nothing wrong with him pressing her. Sometimes we all need a little pressing to step outside our comfort zone.
@James – We had a grandson do that last night over food he admitted he had never tried. But I agree, adults should do better!
But the woman saw it, she had “tried it”. I would assume she found it ugly, and didn’t want to have to see it all the time.
I would encourage the one who doesn’t like something, male or female, to make an effort for their spouse. But if the dislike is too great, then I’d say don’t do it.
If you look at the XY Code, you will see I advise the women there to be this way. There is no double standard.