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The Losada Line, or Losada ratio, is an important number in relationships. Named after psychologist Marcial Losada, the line is based on the ratio of positive to negative feedback one receives from a boss, a friend, a parent, or a spouse. When the ratio is above 2.9 positive to 1 negative, things go well. When the ratio is lower, things don’t go well. This has been shown to be true repeatedly, in business, sports teams, and marriage relationships. John Gottman has done a lot of study on this in marriage, and suggests five to one.
What this means is you have to say at least three to five nice things for every “not nice” thing you say. You have to offer at least three to five compliments for each uncomplimentary thing you say. It means corrections and complaints need to be no more than a third as common as “well done” and “you really blessed me”. A lower ratio results in discouragement and can kill the motivation to try to improve.
Yes, this can be difficult when your marriage is in a rough spot. So here is the challenge – when things are tough, when you are both failing to hit the 3 to 1 goal, choose to be the grown-up and start saying more nice things and fewer mean things. In fact, go for five to one. Doing this is one of the few ways to turn things around, so just do it!
[This post first appeared Aug 31, 2012.]
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with stockdreams.ai
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