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Do you ever push your wife to go beyond her comfort level?
If you’re trying to help her grow, and she is on board, then doing that can be a good thing. If that’s your reason, and she’s not on board, then you have a problem. And if you’re pushing her to do something you want, you’re out of line, and you’re hurting your wife and your marriage.
Because men are generally tougher emotionally, there’s a good chance pushing your wife in this way will get you what you want. More or less. For a while. But she won’t be happy about it, won’t be enjoying it, and will feel wronged or even violated.
Is getting what you want worth doing that to your wife and your relationship? Odds are she will eventually stop doing whatever. Or you will get tired of her being unhappy about doing it. Then what?
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my wife actively refuses to grow sexually and has done for many years (more than 40). Her ‘comfort zone’ consists in never having sex regardless of what I might desire. What do I do now?
@C J Wharton – Sadly, you are deep into a pattern. The last resort is an ultimatum, but after 40 years I doubt that would bring change.
I’ve been guilty of this at times in our marriage. We’re middle aged now and I really desire for both of us to be healthy and fit as we continue to grow older, so I’ve always pushed for regular resistance training and cardio together. She’s been on board off and on, but like you said, sometimes begrudgingly. It’s a tough tightrope to walk, because I don’t want to upset her on one hand, but on the other hand, if I don’t say anything and don’t try to motivate her to take care of herself, her physical and mental health will continue on a downward trajectory if there’s no changes made.
@Jim – It is a very tricky thing indeed.