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A few days ago, I told you to not punish behaviour you want to see. Today I want to talk about how we do that with sex.
One common way we do this is by asking for sex and then turning down what she offers because it’s not what we want. This causes her to think if you needed it half as badly as you claimed, you would gladly take whatever she was willing to offer.
We also do this by complaining about her best effort. She finally agrees to do oral on you, and then you make it clear it wasn’t good enough. And then you wonder why she doesn’t want to do it again! And as I suggested before, saying things like “finally” or “It’s about time” are an extremely bad plan. Likewise for telling her what other women do, especially if the other woman is a former girlfriend.
How we react to sex effects how our wife feels about having sex in the future. A grumpy or selfish reaction today means less sex next month. Being positive and grateful even when it’s not what you want is the best way to bring about the change you want.
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This is really solid advice.
Simply respond positively and genuinely, to anything your spouse does that you like. ANYTHING. Even if it wasn’t 100%of what you wanted, any step in right direction is a good thing, and deserves an authentic positive reaction.