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Over on Quora, someone suggested it’s unintelligent to punish the behaviour you want. I mean, this should be obvious, but I see husband’s punishing desired behaviour all the time.
Some examples:
- Your wife is rarely on time, and when she is, you act shocked.
- Your wife does something you want her to do, and you say, “Why can’t you do that more often?”
- Your wife makes a small step in a direction you want her to go, and you say, “Well, it’s about time”.
If you say “Well, finally” or “What a nice surprise”, there’s a good chance your wife hears “That’s not enough” or “I know you will fail next time”.
And really, if she gets that from you when she tries, why should she try again?
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