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Let me ask you a question: What would it take for you and your wife to have more sex?
If your answer is “For my wife to say yes more often” you’re probably wrong.
Aside from bad teaching she got when she was young, the two reasons woman say no to sex are that it doesn’t fit into their life, and they don’t really enjoy it.
If a woman is too busy or regularly stressed, sex doesn’t fit into her life. If she doesn’t have a solid emotional relationship with her husband, then she doesn’t enjoy sex, even if she orgasms. And if orgasm is rare, she’s certainly not enjoying it.
So what it would take for you and your wife to have more sex is to resolve which ever of these issues are the problem. She may need healing. She might need to learn about her body so she can climax. You might need to learn about her body so she climaxes frequently. She may need more non-sexual intimacy with you. She almost certainly needs less stress, and pretty much all of us are too busy.
All of these take work to change. Issues of stress and busyness may require lifestyle changes. If the lack of intimacy is due to time pressure, then fixing that will also require lifestyle changes. This mean the issue is which is more important to you – the life you have, or a life with more sex?
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with stockdreams.ai
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Agreed, her just saying “yes” more often is definitely NOT the answer.
That “yes” has to come from a place of authentic willingness, from a place of love & affection. If her “yes” is grudging, or driven by guilt or burden or obligation – that is doing you no good, and doing your relationship harm.
What I genuinely hate. Really, really hate is when she makes “yes” noises, and I then have to figure out that it was not an authentic yes, and basically – I have to reject myself. Hate that.
What I would like – lets talk in a genuine way. If the answer is no, then actually say so. Ideally find a way to reject sex, while still affirming love for me. That would make the biggest difference.
@Robert – Very well said.