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Last week over on the XY Code, I explained to women that some husbands are upset their wife had a lot of sex with a lot of guys when she was single, but she rarely has sex with him now. Other men are upset that she engaged in oral or some other act with other men, but won’t do it with him. If you’re one of these men, I’ve explained that for many women, having sex they didn’t want seemed the only way to get another date. But in my post to the ladies, I said if their husband felt this way, then the woman created that problem, and their husband is stuck with it.
There are no good solution for a woman who has caused this situation. Should she have sex she doesn’t want to have? Should she engage in sex acts that she dislikes?
What I want to discuss with you is a similar monster most men created for their wives, and the wife is stuck with it. That monster is sexual desires and expectations created by porn.
You may say to me, “I’d want those things even if I hadn’t seen it in porn”. And you may be right. But you wouldn’t want it nearly as much, and you wouldn’t feel nearly as cheated that your wife won’t do it. Your wife is stuck with those feelings, and all the frustration it adds to your sex life.
The difference between this and the issue I talked to the women about, is that in this case, the one who created the problem can end it. You don’t have to do something you dislike, you just have to give up something you want too much because of your sin.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with stockdreams.ai
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Common theme through out marriage conversations especially with couples who are sexually active, together, before marriage. Happened at this house also. Walk the walk, exchange the vows, and put on the rings and all of a sudden things change. How about this tonight. Nope. Married people do not do that. I am not talking about things that are biblically forbidden in marriage. See this more in wives than husbands. Wives and husband need to have a very explicated bible sex ed class before marriage. Not given to them by a church organization. Church has ruined to many marriages. Just becasue we say I do does not mean I don’t.
@Portagie68 – When we do premarital, we cover sex explicitly, and encourage couples to enjoy each other in many ways. More and more are doing this, but I doubt it’s yet the norm.
Great new. Leave out the church and after marriage thou shall not, add the biblical limits and you would have a great premarital for sure. In premarital U need a women with women and man with man for at least one session. A well schooled women and man without Church doctrine hang ups. Unfo has you say it is not the norm and it can ruin many marriages. I think the norm for marriage lasting is a little over 8 years now. Sad if true.
@Portagie68 – You have painted a very dark and incorrect image. Many marriages are happy and long-lasting. And those who follow God have better marriages than those who do not.
There are certainly wrong teaching about marriage and sex in the church, and I talk about and push back against those. But it’s not all bad.
Never said do not follow God. U are correct U need God in your marriage. Do not confuse the 105C3 Boys Club called the Church with God. I have found no church that can teach sex correctly. I have found, been a part of teaching from individuals not controlled by the church. We received excellent teaching from them.
The thing that comes to mind for me with porn is that it is so far removed from ordinary sex with a real person that it becomes repulsive. You have the bizaarre acts, breasts inflated to the breaking point of the skin, various forms of torture…..
….and on the flip side, sex with one’s spouse becomes regular and enjoyable when both parties feel safe with the other. So whether it’s porn or premarital sex (and demand for sex as a condition of continuing the relationship), both of those work against that.