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Did you read the title and wonder what I think we’ve been lied to about? Am I going to go on a political rant? Have I gone over to the conspiracy side? Could it be global warming, rock music, fluoride in drinking water (showing my age) or West Nile virus (so not missing living in Texas)? I think we’ve been lied to about many things, by many people, but since I’m all about marriage that is where I am going with this.
First, a few words about truth:
“Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” [John 8:32 KJV]
Those words of Jesus are famous, but many don’t know the context of the words. Those words are inscribed above the doors of schools and courthouses around the USofA. We’re big on truth, or at least on what we say the truth is; which comes from what we want the truth to be. I agree, the truth does often set us free, but it can also be a burden. If you know but can’t live the truth, or know you’ll suffer if you try to live the truth, then truth may not seem so freeing. If the truth gets between you and what you want to do, the truth is annoying. And if what you hold to be truth is, in fact, not truth, or not fully true, then it is a trap that can hold you back, keep you down, or send you where you shouldn’t go. If your “truth” is at odds with the “truth” of your wife, the truth may cause tension and problems. If you and your wife, agree on something untrue, either of you finding the truth might threaten your relationship.
I say all of this as a warning: seeking truth can upset your life. Truth is good, but it can be very unsettling. Don’t start a search for the truth about anything without understanding the potential cost. Don’t start if you’re not prepared to follow truth to its core and live what you learn. If the truth about marriage requires you to make a massive change in your life, are you ready to do that? If the truth about sex means you need to repent and turn from something, are you going to do so? If the truth means your wife is wrong, are you going to find a loving way to share the truth with her so she can choose to follow or not follow the truth?
If you’re ready to take the risk, share this post with your wife and agree you will read what follows over the next few weeks. Agree to pray individually and together about what I say. Do not agree to take what I say as truth (because I know I don’t have it all figured out), but rather to use it as a starting place for finding truth.
[This post first appeared Aug 19, 2012.]
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That’s a deep one that hits hard!
We see as through a murky window. I think the reality is that the truth from my perspective will frequently be different from the truth that someone else sees even if we are married. Sometimes, the slight difference in where we are right now in our growth and the perspective we have mean that difference can be extreme. Sometimes, that can be catastrophic in marriage unless you are both prepared to offer a lot of grace.
To make it all the more frustrating, you can both die on your hill of truth and destroy your marriage only to learn later that you were both wrong the whole time. Someday, we will see clearly. We just aren’t there, yet.