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I want to talk a bit more about our mental frameworks for marriage. In particular, how we got those frameworks.
It’s rare to intentionally build a mental framework. We generally start with something we pick up from others, and modify it. So our framework for how a marriage should be, or how a wife should behave, is based on what we saw in our families and the families of friends. It has been modified based on the media we consumed. Most of us have a robust marriage framework before we’re doing any serious Bible reading or study. If we started with a framework based in part of the Bible, then it’s in there. If not, we may not have changed the framework much based on what the Bible says.
Once a framework is set, we don’t usually change it unless we are pushed to do so. Even when we’re pushed, we tend to resist changing our frameworks. Our frameworks are part of us, and altering them can feel like admitting we’ve been wrong. Pride and fear can get in the way, causing us to hold to a framework that is wrong and harmful.
It’s wise to check our frameworks from time to time. Doing this can help us get ahead of a problem. A good way to start a framework check is to consider how you got it in the first place. Did you build it from scratch, or adopt it without much thought? Have you modified your framework as it became obvious it was insufficient or incorrect? A marriage framework that worked for a young couple without children might not work once you have kids. Or as they hit the teens. Or as you approach the empty nest.
As my title said yesterday, frameworks are good tools but bad masters. Avoiding the latter takes effort and vigilance.
Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with stockdreams.ai || #### | stock.adobe.com
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