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One more post on vibrators. First, the fear that once a woman is coming this way, she will lose the ability to do so without a vibrator. Honestly, my first thought is “If this happens, it’s a problem, why?” No really, if she’s enjoying sex with you, why does it matter if batteries are involved?
That aside, is it possible? Yes, and no.
- Some women find orgasm more difficult because of menopause. If you were using a vibe before menopause, she might only be able to climax with one after because of changes that the vibe was able to overcome. Had you not been using a vibe, menopause could have meant orgasms became a problem for her.
- If orgasm was always a struggle, and then a vibe changed that, she might not be willing to go back to having to fight for every climax. Or only come some of the time. Or have weak orgasms. She could still do it without a vibe, she just chooses not to.
Apart from those things, what if the apocalypse comes, and you failed to stock up on vibes and hand crank battery chargers. I assure you, your wife will be able to come without a vibe just as well as if you had never used one.
The other thing I hear is that a vibe is a crutch for men who won’t learn how to pleasure their wife. Now, I’m all about a man learning how to play his wife’s sexuality like a virtuoso, but that’s not always in the cards. If his wife has never given herself an orgasm, expecting her husband to break the code is unfair. In that situation, a vibrator can make the difference between success and repeated disappointment and frustration.
What’s more, some women struggle to orgasm for reasons over which their husband has no control. Making it his fault she’s not enjoying sex because of her fears, distractions, or past injuries, is just cruel. If a vibe helps them get past those things, then it’s a godsend for their sex life. And possibly for their marriage. If they want to use a vibe as a starting place and then learn to give her orgasms without it, fine. If they decide they like it, that’s fine too.
I suppose all of this makes me look like some sort of vibrator evangelist. But my concern is from the opposite direction. I’m pushing back against those who try to make vibrators sinful, wrong, or harmful. Some folks will have a great sex life and never own a vibe. Great. Some will have a great sex life that includes the use of a vibe. Also, great. My concern is those who won’t have a good sex life because they have been convinced they should make it happen without a vibrator.
A post worth reading:
Dr. Corey Carlisle | Unknown cost ◄ Of maturity, faith, risk, and stepping out
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Preach it brother!
My wife was commenting to me just yesterday about this very thing. How we could have been having great sex for much longer in our marriage, if we had only known and felt the concept, that freedom of sexual practice can and should go way beyond vanilla type sex for the purpose of procreation.
This realization is something she now understands from having gone through the transition to get to the place where we are now, enjoying each other more fully in our sexual play.
A good portion of the reason we have reached this level of sexual satisfaction is maturing and growing together as a couple, becoming one for over thirty years.
Another large factor is following and listening to many such advisors (like yourself and your wife) on the subject of improving marriage and martial sex being no small part of the subject.
However, what really “put it over the edge” to be at the climax of our journey, so to speak. We have invested and continue to expand our collection of toys, which I am sure my wife thought at the time when we got our first, that I was some kind of sex starved pervert trying to make us essentially porn stars. Now she will not easily give up her toys. She looks forward to using them to reach her big O or maybe several O’s. I will say that we were and are able to pleasure each other manually and that can work pretty well most of the time, but she can’t get there on her own with self simulation, and sometimes I can’t get her there either, even though I know by now what the usual moves are that can do it. The toys stand at the ready, some of which just add an element of extra just by being there making things a little, or a lot, more accessible or easier with which to perform (we are not as young anymore). While others are more like a power tool when fully charged can be unleashed and conquer the most elusive of conditions and really grab her attention and not stop until the satisfaction of success has been achieved. This by the way is actually easier for her to do for herself this way, but she always wants me very nearby to assist and share her excitement.
Romance and allure and all that may go with them to set a mood of enchantment and wonderful excitement, of being focused on each other in a meaningful and yet playful way is a necessary first, but when getting to the point of the sexual play, to fully satisfy each other, please don’t needlessly limit the available options and miss reaching the top together. Pull-out the power tools and run the batteries out! For you partners pleasure sake at the very least.
Thanks for your continued work to speak to these ideas on this subject.
Amen!
After years of bringing her to climax from my touch alone, I introduced a small vibrator I purchased from Wal-mart (yes, they do sell them) and later a larger one. Her only complaint is that it’s not as easy for me to hit the “right spot” with the vibrator as with my finger (understandably.) I do still bring her to orgasm with my finger alone sometimes, but the vibrators do contribute to the experience. She refuses to masturbate with the vibrator; she wants me using it on her (I hope that’s understood by some people who have doubts.) I look at the vibrator as an aid rather than a crutch; as long as she’s had such a good time that she’s too worn out to do anything (she sometimes calls it her “sleeping pill”,) no harm no foul, as far as I’m concerned.