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I don’t recall where I saw it, but I read some sexpert saying working on the turn-ons isn’t enough. We need to “turn off the turn-offs”.
I think that’s brilliant. I also suspect it’s not obvious to most men. Turn-ons affect us very powerfully. Even if there are some turn-offs, the turn-ons can easily tip the balance to full speed ahead.
We push her turn-on buttons because that would work for us if she did that to us. But women are different. Their turn-ons are not as powerful as ours. And some of their turn-offs can be very strong. She may not have enough turn-ons to cancel out a couple of big turn-offs. If the balance is tipped too far in the direction of turned off, trying to turn her on is a waste of time that will frustrate both of you.
As for what turns her off, a good deal of it has nothing to do with sex. Being rude or ignoring her turns her off. Not doing your fair share of the chores or not helping with the children is a turn-off. Refusing to connect in non-sexual ways is a big turn-off. Looking at other women is a turn off. Grabbing her sexy bits outside of sex or telling crass jokes is a turn off.
Please understand, I’m not telling you that doing the opposite of these things will have her begging for sex. But doing those things right will keep them from being turn-offs. If you get rid of enough turn-offs, then things that turn her on have a chance of working.
A post worth reading:
Dr. Corey Carlisle | Sexual formation ◄ A lifelong journey.
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As a woman reading this, thank you! I could never explain it as well as you did but this is so true.
If I may add to the turn offs: personal hygiene. If she asks you to brush your teeth or shower, please do. We are not trying to insult you, we feel bad asking, but it’s a big distraction/turn off.