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I came across an interesting blog post by a Petra Zebroff Ph.D. She has been a sex therapist and educator for 20 years and has a doctorate in human sexuality. She was seeing more and more women who felt there was something wrong with them for not having an orgasm during intercourse because “Every woman I see can orgasm without touching the clitoris.” And the “I see” part was clearly about the porn they saw. Zebroff was also hearing from men who were worried something was wrong with them because “their penis doesn’t give their partner an orgasm”.
Most women need more than the thrusting of intercourse to come. This is a well established fact – at least outside the false reality of porn.
Dr Zebroff and a colleague looked at the 80 most viewed videos on Pornhub and XHamster, and recoded all the touch. They found that only 8% of the genial touch for women involved the clitoris. But of course, the women in the videos were having screaming orgasms from intercourse, with little or no foreplay.
This is why I hate porn: It teaches us lies! Dr Zebroff said her young female clients understand the importance of clitoral touch for sexual pleasure, but still feel there’s something wrong with them for needing it. The porn they have watched has supplanted their knowledge. It had voided the right teaching they received, resulting in sexual distress.
If you’ve seen porn, it’s messed up your sexuality. And if you’re still viewing it, it’s continuing to mess it up. If you want a good sex life with your wife, you must avoid porn. It’s just that simple.
Image Credit: © Digital Storm
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I grew up in a household that HATED SEX. Dad had no advice to give on the topic. He gave me books when I reached puberty, but he said nothing. Mom was quite vocal about her hatred of & bare tolerance for the act of sex. In frequent & impassioned tones, she ranted about how every time Dad had sex w her it was a rape. It was frequent “rape” in the beginning which resulted in their 1st 3 kids. She happily cut him off from all “sexual duties” as soon as she got pregnant. After she turned 30, she got bolder & more adamant in her refusal. It was an odd day every few months when she allowed it. This makes my own conception when Mom was 34 a miracle considering how rarely sex was occuring in that era. In 1980, Dad had his 1st heart attack. Mom was sad for the health condition, but she was glad she had the ultimate weapon to hold over him. Sex would stress his heart. She cut him off completely until his eventual death in 2005. 47 years married together.
My older siblings heard this same ranting all our lives. Oldest sister rejected Christianity & became a pagan. Middle sister found a man she could manipulate to marry to give her the life she wanted. Youngest sister took Mom’s ranting to heart & became a lesbian for many years. She has since repented, married, had a baby, & promptly divorced him.
My brother can’t keep his pants up. His 1st wife & my mom knew of at least 9 women he bedded while married to her. When he flew to the Phillipines & married a woman over there, it was the final straw & was served w divorce papers.
All of these people: Dad, Mom, 3 sisters, and brother pounded the bully pulpit on porn.
Ya’know what I learned from porn?
Women can enjoy sex. I never would have known that growing up.
I was always an affectionate person. My wife & I were stuck to each other since our 1st date. It was a struggle to remain virgins until the wedding. Wife had a similar sex negative upbringing, but it wasn’t as extreme. Instead, she had a specific sexual trauma as a child that we didn’t uncover until years later. At 9 yrs old, she was raped by a female teen babysitter. It negatively affected her view of her body, her genitalia, her relationships w other women, etc. My strong belief in her ability to enjoy sex gave me the determination to give her an orgasm despite the severe restriction she placed on her own body. We were married, but she would lock up or go into a terrified panick if I put my hands or face near her crotch. It took 5 years & 2 babies before she had her 1st orgasm while having sex. It took another 5 years & uncovering her past rape to coax her into masturbating for the 1st time & allowing me to stimulate her in a non-penile way.
Mom HATES my relationship w my wife. She calls my wife a whore for enjoying sex. Mom keeps trying to quote Bible verses on modesty & chastity while ignoring all the sexual verses. “I did my duty. If you’re done having kids, stop touching your wife you brute.” At which point, my wife will grab my crotch & put my hand on her boob, and stare Mom down.
At the lowest point in our marriage, when everything was going wrong & divorce felt imminent, we still could have selfless, enjoyable, mind-blowing sex, even if outside of the bed we had no civil word to say. God & great sex saved my marriage. Porn was the start of that.
Like everything, porn can be taken too far like Mom & her extreme beliefs in chastity or workaholics or other addictive behaviors. But to say a blanket, porn = permanant damage & marriage problems. No, I disagree.
@Tesla – I won’t argue that some porn is better than what you got growing up. But that does not make porn right or good.
I’m glad you and your wife found your way.