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Last Thursday, I talked to you about how sex with your wife right after you got married probably wasn’t great, and you had to work at it to make it good. Today, let’s talk about the same thing with our marriages.
When you first got married, you had no idea how to do it. You had seen examples, some of which were bad examples. Maybe you read some books or got some advice from a good source. And if you were blessed, you got quality premarital counselling. But marriage was something new and unlike anything you’d ever done before. What’s more, it involved this other person who was not like you. She didn’t think like you, react like you, or want all the same things you wanted.
Most couples do okay at first due to the honeymoon phase. They overlook things, including some things they shouldn’t have overlooked. The let things go, setting up habits that will be a problem later. And there’s a great deal of trial and error.
Usually we muddle through and hash out something we can both live with. All too often what comes from that is far from what either spouse really needs. But once we have a more or less functional system, we may be afraid to mess with it.
Even if you somehow managed to get it all right by your first anniversary, that was then and this is now. Your needs have changed, as have hers. Things that were okay back then have become not okay. The same is true for your wife. And adding a child or three changed a lot of things.
It’s okay to say, “This isn’t working any more”. In fact, saying that is a good thing, if you do it kindly. Speaking up is better than continuing to put up with things you don’t like. You should be constantly tweaking your marriage relationship. Don’t wait for something to blow up; check in often and make changes as needed. Once this becomes habit, it’s far easier than the alternative, and it means a much smoother ride for both of you.
Image Credit: © Monkey Business | stock.adobe.com
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