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I’ve told you that shared experiences make a marriage better. And you can have shared experiences even when you’re not together.
When you see something beautiful, cute, amazing, or funny, grab your phone and get a picture. Then send it to your wife. Or even better, share it with her the next time you’re together.
BTW, this tells her you think about her when you’re apart, and that’s a great message to send.
Photo by Nadine Shaabana on Unsplash
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“ BTW, this tells her you think about her when you’re apart, and that’s a great message to send.”
Depends on your wife. It would be if I had the wife I thought God was going to give me. I thought she would enjoy things like that and reciprocate. I’m still learning the wife I have after more than 20 years. I haven’t figured out what actually makes her feel good and happy other than me not asking for anything, particularly anything physical. This ⬆️ would just remind her that I am “clingy” and can’t leave her alone.
Maybe that sounds bitter or cynical but it’s what two decades of experience have taught me. Everything I looked forward to enjoying as a couple she finds annoying. I feel we are in a low place before God works a miracle but I sure can’t see it from where we are right now. Clinging to Him is literally the only thing I can do right now.
Something odd about this, she has pushed me away and cut off my means of connecting and expressing my love until I am exhausted of trying and despair of options and have simply stopped for now as I wait for God to show me the way forward. Everything I’ve seen over the last few days has indicated that she feels we are making good progress forward….as I am feeling cut off, rejected, and see no hope for our relationship short of Divine intervention. All it takes is for me to die inside for her to feel happy? That’s… wonderful.
I am sorry that my responses are sometimes so negative. This is often my only “safe” place to vent my heart to someone who knows a little of what I am up against. Since she likely will never see these to be crushed the way she unknowingly crushes me nearly every day, I can freely vent the build up of emotion and frustration. Having already caused her so much pain, I am loathe to heap more on her with this. If she knew the full impact of what she has said and done over the last decade, even the last couple of years, her spirit would be crushed and she might never recover.
I do love her, and deeply. That is a large part of my despair. I long to connect emotionally and express my love to her. She has systematically cut off my means of expressing it. The means she has given by which she might receive such expressions have never worked.
I have tried and still try again and again. They result in more time spent and more exhaustion and initially they were appreciated for what they were, once or twice. Then they were expected as normal and there was annoyance if I DIDN’T do them. More was required for her to notice and receive the expressions of love as such. Then the pattern repeated.
What I learned was that even she does not truly know her love language. I can express it well in my own way but she will find it annoying. Any other way will find brief success at best.
Here I go again. I’m sorry. I’ll stop typing now. Feel free to delete these.