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So some researchers decided to find out how more cuddling would affect married couples. A group was asked to spend more time cuddling through some combination of cuddling more often and doing it for longer periods. Two other groups were asked to spend more time together at meals, and to make no changes, as control groups.
The more cuddling group reported greater relationship satisfaction and less interest in other people after four weeks. Cuddling was defined as intimate, physical, and loving contact with some degree of whole body touching that doesn’t involve sexual behaviour.
The study also mentioned that previous research had shown that post intercourse affection, including cuddling, was associated with greater relationship satisfaction and sexual satisfaction.
So if you want to improve your marriage, do more cuddling. If you want to improve your marriage and your sex life, do more cuddling after sex.
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Oh my gosh! Cuddling has led to much, much greater intimacy in our marriage. Of course, it starts with emotional intimacy; without that, neither of us wants to cuddle as much. But cuddling has led to much greater relationship intimacy and much more sexual intimacy. Because my wife has a lower libido, we’ve taken the advice of a few sex therapists that she should “set the pace” in the bedroom. She is much more inclined to initiate sexual intimacy now. Cuddling, caressing, & back scratching are the ground work for greater physical intimacy. If we go a week without cuddling due to illness or travel, she in particular starts to miss it greatly.
Count me solidly in on this. More cuddling has been a pathway back to deeper intimate connection between us.
A couple years ago, I was at a breaking point – feeling like we were stuck in an endless cycle of rejection and avoidance when it came to any kind of physical intimacy, and especially sexual intimacy. I finally couldn’t take it any more and spoke up.
The end result is what I think of as the “daily cuddle plan” It doesn’t happen every day, but it happens often and without any pressure on her, or fear of rejection for me. I now know what it feels like to get that need fully met. We don’t manage to cuddle every day, but it happens multiple times per week and can happen daily.
HUGE game changer. In our case, it has not led to more sex. But, it has improved the intimate climate of our marriage, and has significantly reduced my feelings of rejection overall.
I agree with Jack’s comment – cuddling and emotional intimacy/connection go hand in hand. The time and effort spent on cuddling, is repaid by deeper connection.
We’ve cuddled almost daily since we were married 46 years ago and I can attest to the truth of this study. I find that if I meet my wife’s emotional needs it makes it so much easier for her to meet my physical needs.
My wife and I are great cuddlers–there are not that many greater pleasures than resting together with an arm around the other–but I have to wonder if cuddling is more an indicator or diagnostic to what’s in the relationship than a tool for improving it. That is, the person who is “into” another person tends to want to be close to that person, and conversely, the person who does not attempt to be close to the other person is conveying a lack of interest to that person.
And so if there isn’t a lot of “touch” in a relationship, maybe the thing to do is to ask God to give one a delight in the other person, or work to fix the things that you might know are coming in between.
I’m all for it! I think perhaps my wife would be, too, if we had the emotional side fully on an even keel. Sometimes she gets cuddly and I absolutely LOVE it! I have always been a cuddler for as long as I can remember and fully expected it to be a big part of marriage. Other times she can’t stand for me to touch or even be close without it tickling or causing a cramp or ache somewhere. Sadly, the latter is more normal than the former.
I mean, don’t get me wrong, I know no one wants a cramped muscle or aching back. I just know I’ve put up with a LOT of discomfort just to be close to her and she claims to have a much higher pain tolerance. So, I can’t help feeling that it has more to do with motivation than anything else. So I’m hoping and praying that cuddling will increase with emotional healing.
Then again, she was never the cuddler that I am, so I just don’t know. Still, I truly hope so. I really need those cuddles…