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Over on Quora, someone asked why so many men don’t want to get married today. Most of the early answers were from guys who seem to want the kind of marriage they think their grandfathers or great-grandfathers had. Their answers were actually a good explanation for why so many women don’t want to get married today.
Some guys have this idea that in the past, the wife took care of the home and the kids, had sex on demand, and only expected hubby to bring home the bacon and give them occasional kind words. To be fair, it’s how media often portrays marriages in days gone by. But this isn’t how it was. Women worked their butts off, and they were not always cheerful about it. As for sex, plenty of women said no, and those who never did provided hurry-up-and-get-it-over sex.
As I’ve said before, women used to put up with bad marriages because they didn’t have any good options. They were living the best of the bad choices available to them.
I doubt the guys who want that kind of marriage follow a blog called The Generous Husband. But how much are we effected by the false claims of what marriage used to be? Do we wonder if perhaps we could have had it better in the past? Do we think modern marriage means we’re getting cheated?
Yes, a modern marriage demands more of the husband than was the case in the past. But on the flip side, what a modern marriage can be is so much better than anything our grandfathers ever had. It’s more work to keep a wife who has options, but what we gain from a woman who wants to be with us is so much better.
The next time someone tells you modern ideas have destroyed marriage, or that feminists have made it difficult to be a man, stop and think. Ask yourself if what is being presented is based on a false understanding of the past. I’m not denying marriage is under attack, but some of what we think “they” have done comes from a false narrative about how thing were in the past.
The truth is, there’s never been a better time to be married. The marriage you can have is far better than what any of your forefathers had. If you’re willing to put in a bit more effort than they did, you can have so much more.
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