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From time to time, I see a couple having an argument on a television show. It starts minor, and then they both ratchet it up until they’re both angry and feeling unloved, disrespected, and deeply wronged.
I’ve always wanted to see one of them stop and say, “I‘m being a jerk.” The other one stops cold. The one who has confessed to being a jerk says, “Please forgive me, you deserve better.”
How would you react if your wife did that? Better yet, how might she act if you did it? You wouldn’t be admitting you were wrong about whatever you were arguing about. You would simply be saying, “I don’t want to treat you like this, even when I’m frustrated with you.” And I think that would set the stage for having a calmer discussion about whatever the real issue might be. Alternatively, you might both realise you have blown the situation way out of proportion and decide to just let it drop.
There are two difficulties with you actually doing this. The first is pride. None of us wants to admit we’re wrong, especially in the midst of an argument. The second is the reality of the fight or flight response. An argument puts us in the grip of that, with adrenaline hyping us up. And once you hit that place, it takes 20 to 60 minutes to return to normal. Admitting you’re wrong in that situation feels like dropping your sword in the middle of a life and death sword fight!
The good news, is you can do it. I’ve managed it a few times, and I’ve seen others do it. And when this becomes a habit, you will do it sooner and sooner in arguments.
Give it a try. Your marriage will be glad you did!
Giving:
Lori and I are still working on our year-end donation goal, but today I want to put another giving opportunity in front of you. The Humphrey family in Rutherford Country, Tennessee has done a lot of foster care and adoption. I often hear those on the left say pro-life folks only care about the unborn. I know that’s not true, and this is an opportunity to prove that. If everyone reading this donated $10 we would more than triple what they have raised. And if you all shared this cause on social media, we could help them reach their goal. To learn more and give, go to https://www.gofundme.com/f/humphreyhome .
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