What Does Your Wife Hear When You Seek Sex?

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When you seek sex with your wife, which of the following does she hear?

1. I want to have sex, with you.
2. I want to have sex, with you.
3. I’m horny, and you’re my only option.

Does she get the idea it’s all about the sex, or does she see that you desire to be intimate with her?

Please notice I asked what she hears, not what you mean. As a woman, she’s not going to hear what you say exactly the way you mean it. What’s more, if she’s been used for sex by anyone in the past, that will colour what she hears. And if she feels you’re just looking for a warm wet place to put it, she’s unlikely to say yes, or to enjoy it if she does.

If you’re having less sex than you want, that’s going to be a big factor here. It means you’re running off need rather than want, and that can come through as “just wanting sex”. What’s more, men tend to talk about sex in terms of the physical acts and pleasure, whereas women are more about emotional intimacy and the relationship. 

One way to help yourself is to honestly talk about the non-physical side of sex. Rather than communicating that you’re glad you had sex, make sure she knows how great it is to have sex with her. Talk about how close you felt at least as much as you talk about how hard you came. Likewise, when you ask about how it was for her. Don’t ask questions that are all about her orgasm. You could ask if there was enough foreplay, and if you could do anything different to help her get in the mood.

And finally, when you tell her you will do anything you can to make sex easier or better for her, don’t follow that with a list of sex acts. If she wants to talk about such things, great. If her answers are less about the physical, then that is where she is, and you need to meet her there.

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Ignore the image below. Another test for blurring pictures of dolls demonstrating sex positions.