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A couple of weeks ago, I talked about Sexual Selfishness in Marriage. Today, I want to discuss passive sexual selfishness. That means just going along with sexual things that work for you, but don’t work for her.
One common form of this is saying or doing nothing to help her reach orgasm. If she comes, that’s nice. If not, oh well. You can pretend it’s her choice, and she must be okay with it, but it might not be okay with her. Maybe she doesn’t know how to deal with it, or is afraid of what you will think or say if she brings it up. Perhaps she blames herself, when in reality you could be doing more for her. Or maybe she sees you as a selfish jerk when it comes to sex and figures you won’t change.
Another version of this would be to just keep going during sex when it’s clear either she’s not enjoying it, or it might be hurting her. Again, you figure if it were really a problem, she’d speak up. Your passivity subjects her to something she’s not enjoying, or to something painful. Perhaps there’s a sex act she keeps doing, even though you know she would rather not. But she’s never said she wants to stop, so you allow it to go on.
Please be proactive about your wife’s comfort, enjoyment, and pleasure when you have sex.
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