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Do you have a handle on your past, and what it can cause you to do or not do? When you feel the urge to react out of your past, are able to choose not to follow those urges. And if you can usually do that, do you maintain control under stress?
What we learn early in life becomes deeply rooted in our minds. These “early lessons” tend to surface when we’re stressed, or tired, or we feel out of control or threatened. When circumstances push us to our limit, self-control weakens, and we may react out of our oldest fears. This can cause us to feel threatened when there’s no real threat, or see disrespect when there’s no disrespect. We may not feel the love and concern of others, even though they are trying to express those things.
Over the next weeks, I’ll talk more about this, and what we can do about it. The first step is to own it when we slip into the past and say or do something unwarranted. Don’t excuse or blame, just admit you let the stress get to you and you did something you wish you hadn’t done. Honestly, owning it when you blow it can make your wife feel better. It’s not a solution, and you need to deal with any fallout from what you said or did, but owning your stuff shows you’re a grown up whose trying to improve.
[This post first appeared July 13, 2012.]
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Paul can still send a donation with pay pal like I did last year?
@Richard F Valdez – Yes – the “Donate” button will get you there. Many thanks!
Hello. I have long appreciated your ministry. Two things, not related:
1. Is there a way to donate online, as opposed to mail? That’s risky business these days, and I’d like to make sure you get what I send you.
2. Would you please consider a trigger warning when you put up explicit images in your post? I am sure you do everything out of a good place, but some for some of us, that’s problematic. We can then opt out without seeing the image if it can be triggering…asking for a friend ;)
Otherwise, continue to do what you do. May your tribe increase.
@Nick – Sure, the “donate” button does that. Or go to https://www.paypal.com/donate?campaign_id=V6S9RG7RB2ARE
I assume you don’t mean the image for today? I’m willing, but not sure how to do it. I could add a category tag which you could filter for. But that works only for email.
Paul, I’m pretty sure that Nick is referring to the image in the “Understanding the Kivin Method” post: http://the-generous-husband.com/2023/11/25/understanding-the-kivin-method/
I think that choice of image was a rare but serious misstep for you. The moment it came up on my screen, I thought “I’m glad my wife’s not watching over my shoulder as I read this blog” — which is NOT what I want to be thinking about a blog called The Generous Husband!
Just saw this Mike-spot on, and thank you.
@Mike Taylor – That was my assumption. I’ve had feedback that the doll images really help, but I do understand the issue. So how about putting the image on another page, with a jump link?
@Paul
I think that would be a good solution.