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Over on The XY Code last Friday, I wrote a post entitled Just Do Him! Yes, it’s about exactly what you think it’s about. My point was that being regularly refused by your spouse hurts. And the easy way to stop the hurt would be for a woman to give her husband all the sex he could handle. I didn’t say it there, but in my mind, this is what love does.
Before you send that post to your wife, how would those concepts play out if we reverse the genders?
If you’re one of the quarter or so of marriages where the wife wants more sex than she’s getting, giving her sex because she wants it even when you don’t would be a valid answer to my question. But for most of us, the answer is something else.
Perhaps the answer would be a weekly date night, no matter how busy or tired you are. Or maybe the answer is to have several hours of meaningful, engaged conversations with her each week. Or it might be a mundane as actually getting clothing into the basket or taking out the trash before it’s at 129% of capacity.
I realise none of these seems as pressing as sex. But if she wants or needs something from you, has told you this repeatedly, and you’re short-changing her, that hurts just like her short-changing you on sex.
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Yes, if I want more physical intimacy since physical touch is my love language, I find that I need to connect with her emotionally, intellectually & spiritually. When she feels that deep connection, she wants physical intimacy. We’ve found that the one in the marriage with the lower emotional libido (me) needs to be the one to initiate conversation. And the one in the marriage with the lower physical libido (her) needs to be the one to set the pace in the bedroom.
@Jack Orsinger
There’s some good nuggets of wisdom in this comment. Thank you for sharing.
Flipping the script is impossible when your wife ‘never does anything wrong’ and when you try and discuss how she verbally abuses you she accuses you of being cranky and mean.
Yes