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I think many of our expectations about how sex should be, are based on young bodies and minds. We’re told sex is for the young, and most of the sex we see in movies and porn is done by the young and beautiful. Perhaps this is also a function of us becoming aware of, and desperate for, sex as teens.
The reality is sex can and does last a lifetime. The majority of folks in their sixties report they’re sexually active. The numbers are higher for those who are married, especially for women. Anyone who has worked at a nursing home knows sex continues even into very old age. Sexual expression policies are nearly universal in such settings.
Problems from seeing sex as for the young, start well before old age. At 26 your body is not able to have sex as often as it could have at 16. That’s normal, and it’s not the beginning of the end of sex. The first few years of our sexuality are a statistical anomaly, but we tend to see that as setting the baseline. This can lead to unnecessary concerns and fears.
For women, the issues are almost reversed. Young girls are often scared, shy, or clueless. Sex is not as easy or automatic for them. They may desire it, but find it difficult to go from desire to climax. Young women are also less likely to experience multiple orgasms, or to come during intercourse. Again, this is normal, and as with men the first few years of a woman’s sex life are an anomaly. If either of you think what she could or could not do early on is a valid baseline, she is being short-changed.
No matter how good or bad sex was for you when you were young, it was not predictive of what is to come.
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So, what should my wife and I expect as we enter our 60s? This post fits us to a T, but stops short of giving us hope.
@Kent – If you are both in decent health and both want to keep being sexual, you can do so. We’ve talked to plenty of couples in their sixties who have sex every other day. Others do so more often, and some haven’t had sex in years.
There may be challenges along the way, but there are solutions.
Your comment about those you know 60 and older made me chuckle ruefully. My wife would never believe that there are that many seniors for whom sex that often is both possible and desirable. She’s still more than half convinced that I’m greedy for wanting more than once a week and I am quite a few years short of 60. Not that she wouldn’t believe that there are some perverts out there who’s minds have been corrupted enough to want that much but she’s nowhere close to believing that it happens naturally or that there are more than a handful of uncorrupted women who agree with their husbands on that.
Maybe someday. I serve a God who specializes in making the “impossible” happen in spite of what those around (or near) us may say.
Good post and we’ll worth pondering. Even lackluster sex later, assuming you started out strong, needn’t mean that you’re stuck with that. The key, of course, is for both to be open and willing to learn and grow together. As long as you are, where you are now can be the beginning a fun adventure as you discover the nearly endless possibilities.